Atkins Week 7ish

So I'm down almost 20 pounds since this  return to Atkins world commenced. I'm slowly adding things back into my diet. Here to say, my stomach is better when I do not add certain things back. So my goal weight I picked was to see if I could get back down to my high school weight. I'm saying that with a smile. Not sure if it's possible at age 42 and three children later. Haha. If it happens by just cutting out all the bad stuff then good riddance!  This time around, on this particular dietary change, I'm noticing more just how much junk I was consuming and just how much that junk was affecting my physical health.  I think I actually have less anxiety if I eat more junk but that's a separate issue. 

What I'm Reading...

It's been a busy two weeks for books for me...I tackled and finished three Stephen King novels. The Shining, which I had read in 8th or 9th grade, so it was a reread and then I finally got to Dr. Sleep, which has been on my kindle FOREVER (the Sandlot). Lastly was The Running Man. I never read it because I had seen the stupid movie. Do yourself a favor and read the book. Quick read. Read it in a day. Now I'm re-reading Vanity Fair. Figured I had to get a classic in to decompress from King.  

Last Weekend

Some pics from last weekend...we went on a hike and then Bella went on a fairy hunt in the ornamental gardens. 

This and That

This weather is really bringing me down. It was sunny for the weekend and I guess that's fine for regular folk but I like to see some sun in my weekdays too. The gloom does nothing for my anxiety. I have good days and bad when it comes to anxiety. I had a good 8 year run of little to zero anxiety activity in RI. Plenty of beaches, the ocean, no extended family, a set schedule. My anxiety is definitely family related. It also increases when I have no creative outlet, when my excercise is restricted or with sudden, new changes to my life and/or schedule. Twenty minutes of just sitting in the morning sun, doing little more than listening to the birds, can turn my whole day around.  On rainy days, I clean. I read. I knit. I drink tea. Sounds wonderful, right?  I have to do those things or else I would curl up in a ball and will myself to disappear.  I've had anxiety since I was a kid. I know what it is. I know what causes it. I know how to avoid it and I know how to live with it. All thanks to college psych classes and cognitive therapy. What they don't tell you is that it will always be there. Always lurking. Always ready to steal your joy.  I'm not interested in pharma. A little self medication, time in nature, a good run, a strong drink, time with my husband, time with Bella or the dogs, and I can usually keep things together. But there are still those times when the panic just hits. When you know you're alone even in a room full of people. When you just know no matter how fast you run, it's always going to out run you.  That moment of panic when you know there isn't enough sex, love, alcohol, sun, therapy or medication to beat it. Those are the darkest times and thankfully for me, those are few and far between, but there are so many people who are stuck in that limbo.  My person soaks up this negative energy and I have to be vigilant about who I spend time with. I call these people emotional vampires and I seem to attract them like crazy. I would bet that if I kept better record, I would find that my periods of deep anxiety follow times I've "helped" a vampire out, even without my knowledge. The irony is that, when I'm helping someone out, my anxiety usually eases up, which is a desired effect, therefore I will let my guard down and then I'm wiped.  Sounds crazy, but have you ever talked to someone and after felt emotionally exhausted? You encountered an emotional vampire. And then once in awhile, you encounter people who just spill positive energy into you.  Yeah, I'm not one of those. My positivity has to be siphoned off, as I don't spill. I like balance. I seek balance in all things. And my anxiety stems from wanting to control any and every thing that can throw that balance off.  

Last Weekend

Even though I was sick for most of last week and all of this week, we did go camping for the night at a new spot. It was beautiful. Both dogs had a wonderful time. The bugs were horrible though and so we headed back earlier than anticipated. 

The view outside the tent on Friday night, as the sun set. I could have been sick in bed at home or sick in bed in a tent, looking at this. 

The view from the back of the tent (this window doesn't open, so it was through the screen). 

Sick

I've been sick for the last week and a half. The weekend back in RI was fun. On Friday, I drove Desaraye around and showed her where we lived and our beaches. We then went to Jamestown and I showed her around and we stopped in Beavertail. We stopped at Haxton's Liquor. She was amazed. At the size and the fact that there are always two cops directing traffic right there to get into and out of the parking lot. That night we ate at Absynnia which is an authentic Ethiopian restaurant. I ordered the Key wot.  My favorite. 

I also love the injera (the bread). Spongy perfection. My mouth is watering just looking at it. 

On Saturday morning, I ran a few errands. Scott had to work till noon and Desaraye had roller derby till midnight. 

Met back up with Scott and his friend Susan for lunch at Top of the Bay in Oakland Beach. 

I ordered the lobster bisque. It was good. The views were better. 

Sunday was spent at the beach with Hayley. 

 

It was a good trip. I wish Mitch had been there so we could go to our favorite places together. Sometimes lately, I feel like we left "us" there. 

Dreams

I had another dream that I was back in Narragansett and we were going to be moving and I woke up crying. These dreams totally have the power to ruin my day. It's no secret that I'm struggling with having moved. Sadness, anxiety, anger, bitterness. I'm hoping that spending the weekend in RI will help me sort through some of those feelings and when I come back, I will feel more settled. I do understand this is just a season and that there are many good things about being here and to try to make the most of it. Let me try to put things in perspective...a bad day in Narragansett was never really bad...I could walk to the beach. A bad day in Orono is a bad day. For the first time last weekend, while in Camden, I felt like, ok, maybe this won't be so bad, but last night's dream didn't help.

Cupcake Vineyards

This is such a lovely all purpose red wine.    It only runs about $12 a bottle which is a fine price for a nice glass (or four) of wine to sip and relax after a long day.  A tad on the sweet side, it was still good, even though I usually prefer a drier wine.  

Weekend Adventures

Saturday was a good day for a hike!  We hiked up the Maiden Cliff trail in Camden.