Day 8

I dreamt that I died last night. I was there, knowing I was going to die, thinking this is going to suck and then nothing. There was no more to the dream. It stopped abruptly. I obviously woke up this morning and my first thought was that I'm alive. It reminds me of an Alfred Hitchcock episode when there is a row of people standing up, asleep, in some kind of lab and their life is the dream but one keeps short circuiting and wakes up in the lab then falls asleep and goes back to "real life" the wakes up in the lab...finally they just unplug her. To dream of one's death can mean anxiety around ending one chapter and starting another. I guess it could be my way of decompressing after the move, after leaving two anxiety filled jobs, after saying goodbye to so many friends and two intricate people in our immediate family, or it could just be this freaking Atkins diet!!! Last night was rough. So rough. Cravings through the roof. Pizza. And that frosting covered kettle corn. I got through it but like I said, it was a rough night. Today though, I cleaned, worked out, am already on my 3rd 12oz glass of water and am helping Bella pick up her room. This morning she came in and asked to watch her show in my room. Sometimes she can but this morning, her tv was already on, so I told her to watch it in her room. Bella informed me she no longer liked her room because all of her toys were out in a big mess. I agreed to help. Me: Trash, trash, toy box, trash, Shopkins pile, pony pile, trash... Bella: Um, excuse me Sir, that is not trash! Thank you! I'm not sure which part I find more funny...the fact that she called me sir or the fact that it was just like a typical day at work for me!

 

Cravings

So I've been keeping a list of all of the "I could kill for..." cravings and I've already discovered a few interesting things. The number one thing that is in your face obvious is that it is all food that my body does not require to operate. 

Here's a pic of my list...

What I Miss Most Since Moving...

And of course, these goofballs...

Day 7

Last evening around 6pm, things got pretty darn rough. The need for chocolate and wine and some kind of bread was the worst it has ever been. I persevered though. I put some unsweetened almond milk, cocoa powder and 2 Splenda packets, along with some ice cubes in my bullet and made an almost tasty milkshake. It took the edge off though, so that's what counts. The weekends are easier because I keep us pretty busy. If it were sunny, I'd be busy in my garden bed or reading in the sun. No such luck. It's been overcast for about a week. It has been nice going to sleep at night without an upset stomach, without heartburn, and not wake up a million times a night. My sinuses are clear now. No trace of my cough. Still headache free. It really is CRAZY how bad junk food is for your system. I'm definitely a believer now that it was the poor food I was putting into me that was causing all of those nasty side effects. In other news, we're kayak shopping. I'm excited that this will be a fun thing we can do together. I love exploring lakes and streams, not to mention I love all kinds of boating. I was an extremely lucky child to have access to all of it growing up. Rowing, sailing, motorboats, jet skis, pontoon boat, paddle boat, and even a hovercraft. Last weekend, we picked up our tent. Can't wait to spend more time outdoors! It's almost taking the edge off of not living in Narragansett anymore. Almost. I do okay until I look at pictures. Really missing my beaches. It's almost like the last 8 years were a dream.

Day 6 of Phase 1 Induction

Starting day 6 this morning...it is so much easier this time around then I remember 10 years ago...chocolate chip cookies and French fries are pretty much the only thing I'm missing. Not craving, just missing. Nobody ever died from giving up cookies and fried food. They may WANT to, but I'm sure every nutritionist ever has encouraged giving up those two food groups. I find at nighttime, when I'm watching tv in bed, I really really really want to munch, but I drink some water and it passes in a few minutes. I've given up ALL sweeteners for my morning coffee. I can tolerate my 12 oz. but I'm not enjoying it like I used to. My hope is, I can sort of reprogram my tastebuds so when I do start adding sweetener again, I won't need nearly as much. The weight is coming off...the first few days fluctuated quite a bit because of water weight but the scale is now steady and moving downward. Most food tastes funny and I'm not peeing every 20 minutes like I was in the beginning. Still peeing a healthy amount and it is clear, just not an annoying amount. I'm going to venture to say my body is in ketosis and its fat that's being used as fuel now. I'm not hungry at all which I find interesting. Two weeks ago, it seemed like I was starving all the time, so I would grab a handful of chips, or some crackers, a cookie here, banana there...none of it inherently unhealthy, but it was never enough. My energy levels are back up. I'm running up and down the stairs with ease again. The best news about giving up the unhealthy carbs and processed snacks??? No more mid-afternoon headaches. They were getting bad, to the point I was feeling nauseous and at the brink of tears. It was like this fog would just settle in...really weird and uncomfortable. I have not had a headache in SIX days. I've slept soundly. Puffiness is gone. Allergies seemed to have cleared up. Clean eating people. There seems to be some truth to giving up the additives that companies add to their products.

Monday Cleaning

I usually do three loads of laundry on Mondays but I did them Sunday evening instead because on Monday, I was going to have a full load of towels. I didn't want to spend Monday just on laundry and pretty much, four loads is a whole day.  I wish I could say I did something exciting after the towels were done. But NOPE!

I vacuumed, mopped the kitchen, washed down counters, CLEANED THE SHOWER (my least favorite of all chores), plus my usual make the bed, load/unload the dishwasher, put things in their place. Let's not forget having to workout and shower!  It's 12:30 and I'm exhausted! A day full of laundry sounds more relaxing. 

Sunday Adventure

Another Weekend of Hiking

Started our morning with a brisk 5 mile hike in Orono.  We then drove to MDI for a drive to the summit of Cadillac Mountain, where we hiked around some more. 

Can't wait to see where tomorrow brings us!

Day Two

So I'm well into day 2 of Phase 1 of Atkins...for the last 10 years or so, I've minded my carbs and have maintained a fairly healthy weight. Last year, I amped up my running regime and found that I really wasn't consuming enough calories, so I pretty much increased my carb intake, with fruit mostly. It worked fabulously. I was actually gaining weight in muscle, even though my clothes were getting bigger. The problem was that I got really really sick around November and this cough just did me in. I wasn't training and the holidays arrived...so begins the vicious cycle of carb addiction. My husband's sweet tooth certainly wasn't helping the situation...like I said, I'm on day 2 of induction. I'm feeling pretty good. A little out of breath but I've been that way since I got sick. I've noticed a HUGE difference already. My eyes aren't puffy. Im feeling rested. I'm not hungry. I am super thirsty though, but that is good because I struggle getting more than a few cups of water into me when I'm not dieting. My headaches have disappeared. I feel like I'm finally consuming the correct amount of water. Of all the phases, one is probably the most love/hate filled one. I love the dramatic changes but hate the lack of convenience. No grabbing a yogurt in phase one. No grabbing an apple off the counter. I actually have to cook my meals. I do love how good I feel with none of the food preservatives and other added crap. My moods and sleep cycles really get messed up on American processed snack foods. The induction phase is only 14 days. Not enough to do any damage. Phase 2 is when I can add yogurt (plain) and berries back into rotation, along with nuts. In fact, I stayed in phase 2 for most of the last ten years, going into phase three on date night or a holiday. I'm a pretty healthy eater except when it comes to junk food. Once I taste it, it slowly starts creeping back into my diet. Then I feel guilty and my digestive system takes a toll, followed by sleep disruption, which leads to exhaustion, no energy, no working out...a horrible cycle and one I'm hoping to break and get back on track!

Minnie Mouse Birthday Party

Happy 5th Birthday to Annabella!  I can't believe it's already been five years!

Sleeping Beauties

Saturday Road Trip

A trip to Kittery, ME to pick up new dining room chairs and a slow drive back up coastal Route One. Pics of Reid State Park, Georgetown, ME and Penobscot Bay in Belfast Harbor. 

Into the Wild

Yesterday I happened to catch some of a documentary on Chris McCandless and was reminded of Jon Krakauer's retelling of his story in the book Into the Wild, and of course, watching the subsequent movie. I'm a huge Krakauer fan, having loved Into Thin Air about his own Mount Everest climb and would consider myself a fan of Kerouac-esque books in general. I can quote Kerouac all day long. There was a deep desire inside of me to just leave it all behind and head myself into the wild, or even on the road. That desire was always my plan B, if and when I really and truly wanted this life behind me. Just me and my dog, Sierra, and an old truck hitting the dusty road. Enter reality. Sierra has since passed on. I'm married with dependents. The IRS needs me. I am such a different person than I was when I first read Into the Wild about eight years ago. Chris McCandless is no longer a person I admire, as much as I feel great sadness for him. Sadness because he was so ill-prepared. Maybe it is because my husband and I watch every reality show about surviving in Alaska but I couldn't help but watch the documentary yesterday and think about how incredibly naive he was. WHY would you not learn how to properly maintain your food supply. WHY would you not be aware of your caloric needs and how many more calories you will burn off just trying to stay warm, let alone all of the calories you are using, hunting and gathering. Maybe it's because I grew up in Maine, surrounded by family members who, when they were younger, hunted and grew large gardens and raised chickens, turkeys and livestock to support their large families and knew how hard living off the land really is and made sure to enlighten me as to how easy I had it. Maybe it's because my kids are going off into the world on their own now that I find what he did as so selfish, immature and the exact opposite of what he was trying to achieve. WHY would you do that to your parents? I've since discovered that my own desire to leave the world behind really isn't about leaving the world behind. It's about slowing down, about hearing a voice inside of me that I have successfully managed to drown out by the hustle and bustle of every day living, about facing my fears. The truth is, I have no desire to leave the world behind. I love technology. I LOVE the library. I love laying on the beach. I love swimming in a pool. I love ice cream. So yes, I feel great sadness for Chris McCandless now. I don't feel one can "figure it all out" by age 24. I don't think one ever figures it all out and because of some foolish errors on his part, he wasn't able to survive long enough to live long enough to reconcile all the parts of himself. "My fault, my failure, is not in the passions I have, but in my lack of control of them." ~ Kerouac

It's Friday!

Friday usually means date night in this house. This Friday will include a date, but we also have to cram in errands because it's going to be a busy weekend. Saturday will be spent on the road. We are buying some new chairs for our dining room table and we will be celebrating my grandmother's 85th birthday on Sunday.  Today? I'm going to get some work done. By work, I mean non-housework (it's done) and focus on the book and other business tasks.  It's been feeling like Spring is finally here so I've spent my free moments outside and I'm slacking on the book. I'm hoping to get some good adventure pics tomorrow and I have a book review of sorts scheduled for the blog this weekend.

 It's not my usual style of review because it's a book I read about 8 years ago, and has since been made into a movie. I watched a documentary about it this morning and was reminded of the book/movie and how moved I was THEN. I'm also very surprised at my perspective on it now. Hence the upcoming review. 

Our Walk

What a fun morning Desmond and I had yesterday. It was nice to get out into the fresh air with no purse or car keys. 

Let's talk about this weather, shall we? Winter is finally over. The warm sun has never felt so good! I'm going to try and enjoy the day...seems hard to believe one would have to try, but it is tax day. Worst day of the year, in my opinion. It should be called, let's take money from the people with work ethics, who bust their asses every day and let's use it to support people who do not bust their asses at all, or to bail the government out, or to continue to pay our politicians ridiculous amounts of money to push paper around. While I may have a live and let live attitude as far as government involvement in one's life is concerned, I AM most certainly fiscally conservative. I'm not the first of middle class America to have these sentiments and I'm in good company. Oh well, I have THE cutest dog in the world, and really, what's better than that?

My Morning

I got a good amount accomplished on this gorgeous spring morning. Tidied the house, made beds, vacuumed, planted some chives, rosemary and basil, and sat in the sun to read for a bit. Not a bad day as far as Mondays go. Took some sweet pics of Desmond waking up Bella with doggie kisses.

Cold and Rainy Day Comfort

Rainy Days

Rainy days are for knitting. This what I'm currently working on. Sleeve one of two (obviously) to a fabulous sweater. The pattern can be found for free at purlbee.com. It's their sweatshirt sweater. I'm knitting it up in a worsted wool. I'm tweaking the pattern to meet my needs and can't wait to share the finished project. For some reason the link isn't posting here. Just do a search on their blog for the sweatshirt sweater. Comes right up and you CAN print the pattern for free. If you don't want to print all of the pictures, and I don't to save on ink, you can scoot on over to printfriendly.com I like to print patterns and put them into page protectors and put them into a binder. It's handy when I want to keep things pertaining to a pattern (notes, swatches, yarn colors and brands, etc) all in one spot. I also have the binder broken up into categories, i.e. hats, mittens, sweaters, slippers, etc. I also do not like a million pages of pictures of the pattern, which is where printfriendly.com comes in handy. It converts the pattern and saves on valuable ink! Awesome site!

Sierra: Rescue and Rescuer 2002-2014

I have two topics close to my heart and those are pitbulls and rescue dogs. I often avoid conversations with people on these two topics, as I can get most heated and I have a hard time dealing with ignorance. ESPECIALLY when it comes to talking about my dog. I always have said, it isn't my dog you need to worry about. I lost Sierra right before Christmas 2014. She succumbed to kidney failure and it truly was the worst time in my entire life. It is four months into the new year, and I still struggle with her loss on a daily basis. Not to say we aren't enjoying our newest addition, because Desmond has blended seamlessly into our lives. As a tribute to Sierra, I plan on occasionally featuring dogs, those rescued and those available for rescue, to bring light upon her breed, breed restrictions and bans, rescues in general, and spaying/neutering your pets. I'm also a HUGE fan of Cesar Milan and Rachael Ray, both of whom have pitbulls and are strong supporters of all of the above. In fact, all of the proceeds from Rachael Ray's dog food goes to support pitbull rescues. When my kids and I were at the Bangor Humane Society looking for a dog, I never thought in a million years I would be bringing home a pitbull, though thankfully all of her papers said lab mix, which would prove beneficial when relocating. All of the other dogs were barking and some were growling. Sierra was just sitting there. She wasn't terribly pretty that day. She had been found wandering the streets, her body out of shape, having just had puppies and after being vetted, it was deemed that she had been used as a breeder. She was used and abused and just trying to stay alive. Enter this single (at the time) mom and we locked eyes and I just knew she was mine. I filled out the paperwork (Saturday), and brought her home that Monday. I promised her she would never be mistreated again. Up till this point, dogs in my life had just been dogs, pets for my kids, or pets for me and my siblings when we were kids. I had never known the loyalty and true devotion of a shelter dog. Sierra was grateful and devoted to me every single day of her life. She was always by my side. Always on command. Always on alert. Everyone she encountered was won over by her kind and sweet disposition. If only love could have kept her alive, she would be here forever. Even though we have a new boy, and we love Desmond dearly, he isn't a rescue and I know my rescuing days are not over. I'm not sure when or where Sierra will find me again, but I do believe it'll be in another rescue. I will lock eyes and I will just know. I'm happy that Desmond has only known love and joy in his short one year on earth. I would love for every dog to have his kind of life and never know the kind of life Sierra had to live before me. So I urge anyone in the position to own a dog, to give a shelter dog a chance. I would also encourage fostering and/or volunteering at your local shelter if you aren't in a position to own a dog at this time.

Rocket

When we moved into the new house, after leaving one with just hardwood floors and tile, we realized we were going to need a vacuum. This house also has hardwood floors and tile, but has plush carpeting in Bella's bedroom and running up the stairs and both landings, and wall to wall in the upstairs hallway. I had such good luck with my Shark steam mop, we decided to give their new Rocket vacuum a try.

The two reasons I need to vacuum daily...Bella and Desmond! It's been about two weeks since I've owned the Rocket. I have collected enough dog hair to make another dog. I love how the Rocket propels forward. It does go very fast, so you need to be prepared for that. I love dumping the container at the end of vacuuming. I also love how it came with its own hanger for the broom closet. It has its own spot and I'm not tripping over it or trying to maneuver around it in the closet.

Night Circus

I'm currently reading The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern on my Kindle.

The reading is going a bit slow for me right now, but I've also had little time to just sit and read. There seems to always be something else that needs to be organized, or cleaned, or bought for the house. I think we've officially been in the house for three weeks or so. Last Friday, the weather was gorgeous and I was able to sit outside and read for about an hour. I've heard fabulous things about the book, and the imagery is amazing, but I'm still kind of waiting for the story to happen. Not very often, I will be so excited to finally get my hands on a book that everyone seems to love, and then it just kind of falls flat. I'm about halfway through the novel, so I'm hoping things in the story start coming together. Rarely do I give up on books. So far, we have two dueling magicians, their two "children" and a circus which appears and disappears rather quickly. I've read an awful lot of words to only be at this point in the story. While knitting, I've been listening to Pride and Prejudice in audiobook format on my iPad. Listening to audiobooks is a true talent. If I'm distracted at all, it is a no go. I'm trying to work through the classics, revisiting some and reading some for the very first time, and since I can't spend my whole day reading, I can listen to a book while cleaning, or running, or even while driving. Big plans for today consist of laundry, going for a run, working on character sketches for my book, trying to figure out why Adsense used to work on my blog, but has stopped doing so, and CLEANING OUT MY CAR!

Major Update

So HELLO everyone! Do I even have any readers anymore? I left the blogging world last July, I believe, for a number of reasons, the main one being working 60ish hours per week. Football season at URI was also starting up in full and being married to the former Director of Football Operations (more on that) left me quite busy on my days off. I promised a major update so here goes: I'm no longer working. WHAT?! I know, crazy. What these last few weeks of not working has proven to me is that I've been exhausted. Exhausted for a really long time. I like to keep busy so I don't have to deal with stuff and well, I've been dealing with said "stuff". Funny how you can only escape for so long. Will I go back to work? Yes. I am feeling the urge to write again which is huge for me. I'm feeling the urge to blog again (more on that too). I'm also going to entertain the thought of teaching again. I know for sure that I'm not sure what I want to do yet. My husband (and sometimes blog contributer) got a fancy new job and so we've relocated back to the state of Maine. I can't say I'm pleased with being back, as I loved living on the ocean in Narragansett, Rhode Island. I worked hard to make that area feel like our home for the last 8 years. What I am feeling is committed to making this part of our journey, however long it lasts, fun and adventurous. My beloved Sierra passed away this December. You can read my archives from 2006 thru last summer about her. We added a new wonderful addition to our family. Our fabulous Desmond is now ONE! He is taking over right where Sierra left off and we couldn't be more pleased with his demeanor and funny antics. And yes, I named him after the character Desmond on Lost. Apparently, when my husband was a little boy, he wanted a dog so his parents gave him a stuffed dog, which he carried around and had named Desmond. SO we deemed it another instance of fate, like most of our relationship, and Desmond was to be our next dog's name. He loves my husband like Sierra loved me. It is so sweet to watch, but makes my heart so heavy at times because I miss my girl more than I could have ever imagined. We have a new house. We have spent the last few weeks living in a Pinterest world. Everything from window treatments, window hardware, paint colors, bed designs, you name it, it ALL came from Pinterest ideas. That's it about major updates...I'm the new secretary of Some Theatre Company and also on their board of directors. I've also joined Central Maine Roller Derby! I have a 5K color run coming up in early May. Moving forward with this blog is something I've been contemplating for about 9 months. I stopped altogether last summer and have since been overwhelmed with all of the "pro bloggers" out there in huge numbers, and I just didn't have the time or creativity to be competitive. I've been blogging since 2003 and at one time, this blog was kind of a big deal. :) I'm not sure of the direction I would like to take the blog, but I have decided to not start over with it. I'm just going to leave the good, bad and ugly in my archives and try hard to not look back and cringe. I hope to showcase our Pinterest attempts, whether successful or not, what I'm knitting or crafting now, books I'm loving or hating and document every bump, bruise and (hopefully not) broken bone on my Derby journey. Look for Bella and Desmond anecdotes and the occasional meal in pictures. It's good to be back in Blogland!

View this Morning

View this Morning