Gross!

There is something gross on the sleeve of my jacket. I just thought I'd share. There may not be three posts today. Maybe just two. It is going to be a busy day.

I have to pick Zach up at 1 and take him to the doctors for a sports physical. Then he goes to practice and I'll pick up the girls and head to work. Hopefully, I am not late. Depends on how long the wait is at the doctors.

After work, I'll come home, go to bed and start all over.

Did I mention I have Friday off? Yay! My kids have Monday off, too. If I planned things better, I'd be headed to New Jersey this wekened to visit my cousin Sarah and her baby and my cousin Jeremiah. But I don't plan things better...at least not lately!

I am making chicken and dumplings on Friday. The kids are already excited! I haven't made it for a few months. It is one of their favorites.

I really wish I was a barista at a Christian Coffee Shop right now. Will, you need to get to work on this...I know you work, but you do have that time in between called sleep. Macs, coffee and Christians all around. Preschool teacher by day. That would be my perfect life.

Number 3

My 3rd post for the day to keep up with my trend.

Praise God! I got a hold of Felicia tonight! And added her to myspace! :) She is back in Bangor. She's been living in a shelter but got a job and things are looking up. The jerk she left has followed her here and want to try to work things out. Apparently they are going to try...umhmmm...well, I asked if she wanted to go to church with me Wednesday night, so we'll see. I am just so glad that she is safe and back in the state.

I also added my cousin Sarah to myspace...actually she found me! :)

Sometimes...

when the weather is just right and the moon is full and I'm having a really good hair day, I get into my car and I get a whiff of the new car smell she had when I first bought her! The good hair day is just a coinky-dink, I think! It happened tonight when I was dropping Zach off and brought back good memories. The memory of driving her off the car lot with my new car plates. Our first road trip. The tons of beach sand she has accumulated through the years.

When Zach and I ran into the convenience store, a truckful of men or boys or people whistled. Zach looked at me and I looked at him. He pipes up, "I sure as heck hope that was for you!" He covers his butt with both hands and runs in the store.

EEEEK! Kayla (my country music lover) is watching the CMA awards. Actually she's watching the pre-show interviews. There is something about a drawl that makes my brain hurt. Like nails on a chalkboard.

Last night, I stopped at McDonald's and ordered a Happy Meal. ("Will someone get the kid a Happy Meal????") I can't eat one or talk about them without saying that, sorry. But I'm digressing. Okay...so anyway, I got some rat-man toy, that looks an awful lot like Goofy, with a compass in his belly. A real compass. SO I hung him up on my Mardi Gras beads on my rearview. When Zach got in the car tonight, he noticed it, and was like, "Ah, new GPS?" So flipping funny!

November 6, 2006

My baby is trying out for the basketball team tonight! I can't believe he is old enough! He was so nervous when I dropped him off at the middle school.

Newest Myspace message from a 36 year old (MARRIED) tattoo artist..."wasup? wish I was in that picture with u. will u be my friend?"

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Reason number one...you're married.
Reason number two...wasup should NEVER be in a 36 year old's vernacular.
Reason number three...you're 5'5. I like the tall men.

Church was so great last night! It was so cool. I met this girl that drives from Lewiston every Wednesday and Sunday to come to our church. Anyway, she's gotten to be friends with Debi and I was introduced to her last night and we prayed together because she was like, "it is really cool when two people do this and neither one know about what the other person is praying and you just let the Lord lead." I had just met her and didn't necessarily feel comfortable sharing quite yet, but she and I felt that God was leading her to pray for me. Let's just say, God is amazing! She was quoting scripture that she was feeling the Lord direct her towards. I had an experience just last week with the Lord so I was blown away when she said something specific about that. There was absolutely NO way she would have ever guessed! After we prayed, I felt more comfortable with her and told her a few things about the Lord being very clear with me about waiting. She said that that is what He's been telling her too. She was like, "How cool. We can wait together." Anyway, we were both teary-eyed and now I feel like I have known her all my life. What a beautiful sister in Christ! Her name is Lisa. And I like that when she prayers, she calls God, Daddy, because I do that too! I thought I was the only one! :) The neat thing was that while I felt inspired and spirtually lifted after meeting her, she said she had felt the same way meeting me!

Another great thing happened to me today! Someone called me a Bible thumper! I was like YESSSSS! It is about time!

All Is Right

in the Universe again! I have found my friend Kristen! YAY!!! She got a teaching job elsewhere and we remained in contact through email and then the University shut me off from my email account...technically we were supposed to have it for 3 months after graduating but my inbox became full and I couldn't log on to delete anything. So I lost a lot of contact numbers, not just hers. I had to switch emails to my yahoo account. Of course, I hadn't committed her new email to memory before losing my account. Kristen had a cell phone, which number was lost that fateful day. And it's not listed, of course. I had even asked a few close friends, who had known her and nobody had heard from her. Until today!

I also found my cousin Kristen and my cousin Jeremiah's myspace pages. Now just looking for Sarah's.

Things I Need to Buy...

New Running Shoes
New Shirts
Season Lift Tickets
New media Razor
New Ski Jacket (preferably one that matches existing snow pants)
A roundtrip plane ticket

I will be adding to the list periodically through the day, so keep your eyes open!

Beelzebub

The antichrist has arrived. In the forms of Myspace and TimeWarner cable! I don't mind reconnecting with old friends. It is kind of fun finding people that I otherwise wouldn't have been able to talk to. I've done pretty well to avoid adding people to my list of friends just to add them. And I've avoided spending lots of time on the site...until yesterday. I was online for like 8 hours throughout the day. If I was at work, okay then! :) Kidding! Sort of. At home, I like to do other things. Like read. And clean. When I wasn't online, I was watching tv. That is okay, though. It isn't everyday when someone asks to have child with me...although that happened twice yesterday, with two different people.

Charlie, I am soooo glad we talked last night. I can't wait to come to Florida. You better find your Radioshack name tag! I'll be expecting that with my hug.

So, yeah, looks like I'll be spending a few days in January in Florida before my April vacation to Florida. Charlie has been living in Jacksonville, going to law school, and working. I've missed him. I've missed reading his stuff. His writing reminds me of the early Vonnegut.

Also my best childhood friend Robin moved to Jacksonville in the 8th grade, but I would spend summers visiting her, so it will be great to see her again, too.

Anyway, I need this trip. My writing needs this trip.

Today I am going to try to get some reading in. Really. Tonight is church. I have next Friday off, so tomorrow is the only day in which I can't sleep in.

Thanks Again, Will! :)

The newest message on myspace today...

Hello and its nice to meet you on myspace.My name is sambo and i am 36 years old.I am new to this site and you realise i am from Ghana but if you will still like to correspond with me in a serious relationship which will lead us into marriage fine.Lets get to know each other first.I will like to hear back from you.Mind you i am single with no kids and i will be happy if you will give me a child......love sambo ....

At least he wants to get to know me before I give him child. Again, what is it about my profile that suggests I'd be interested in anything like this?

November 4, 2006

Happy Birthday Leslie.

Today is my sister's birthday. We'll call her later. I'm just hanging around the house today, lounging on the couch, with pillows and my electric blanket, sipping God's greatest invention...coffee. How I thank the Lord everyday that He created coffee. I'm blogging on God's second greatest invention...the macbook. My doggy is sleeping on my feet.

Okay, I am going to light some candles and I really need to read. READ. I am so far behind on my 20 Books in a year. Although, I am happy to report that I am almost through my first time reading the Bible cover to cover. The parts that are remaining, I have actually already read, but still I want to be able to say that I read it all cover to cover. I want to be able to say I've done this more than once.

We're having pizza for lunch and Spanish rice for supper.

I really want to go scuba diving with sharks. Is this weird? Probably. But I have a real fascination with sharks. If I could do my life again, I'd be a marine biologist with a fancy for sharks. Especially the great whites. Love them. I'm only talking about sharks because there are two shark shows on the Discovery channel tonight. I wish Shark Week happened more than once a year. Kind of like Teen Week Jeopardy.

I have always eaten my pizza pointy end first. Always. Lately though, I've been eating the crust first and working my way down. I should write my thesis on the ways people eat their pizza and how that affects their personality.

Alrighty, enough randomness for now. Got to read.

I'm Not Stripping, I'm Streaking

And Eric, I contend that $73.50 is my total. I am not taking the streaking points because streaking as defined by Wikipedia "... is distinct from naturism or nudism in that streakers usually intend to be noticed and may choose a place with a large audience for their act, regardless of the risk of arrest (sometimes even intending to be remanded into police custody) whereas naturists and nudist generally prefer to be left in peace. It is also distinct from flashing in that the intent is generally not to shock or traumatize a vicitm.
Streakers may streak only once or a few times, possibly as a result of a dare, or may streak so often it can be considered a hobby."

Therefore, walking naked through a bar is simply walking naked through a bar.

Still Early Saturday Morning

So much for sleeping in. I'm up and it is 9:30. Late for some, but not when you couldn't fall asleep and were up until 2 AM.

First up on the list of things to do today...clean. And listen to music. Very loudly. It helps me clean.

Actually, first is coffee. No, scratch that. First is blogging. Then coffee. Then cleaning.

I had a bizarre dream last night. It was some kind of parade day here in town. As I was rounding the corner of one street, I ran out of gas, so I had Zach push me home because we weren't far. I am currently watching the Breeder's Cup. Not because I really care, just because I can't find the remote. I could get up and change the channel, however, I'd have to put down the laptop and stop blogging and then I wouldn't be talking to you! The horse to watch in this race, I guess, is Lava Man, who happens to be a gelding. Hmmmm, a gelding in the BREEDERS cup. Kind of like a eunich at a sperm bank.

Yes, it was me watching Jerry Springer last night, or early this morning I should say. I felt like I had to take a shower after watching it. Gone are the days of "talk to the hand" and the "I work 24-7 Jerry, so I can provide for my family, only to come home and face hostility when I want to wear my wife's clothes. I love you, baby. I want to be the only man in your life." Put your dang pants back on then! Or put your teeth in and find someone new. Seriously. Teeth are a commodity on Jerry Springer. Yet, you can't feel better than any of these people when you're watching the show. One, because you're actually watching the show. And two, while one would think that gracing the stage of Jerry Springer is the lowest of all lows, the official rock bottom of many a world, one is mistaken...I'm painfully aware that the brief euphoria I felt about not having sunk that low (yet) was really just a false bottom, if you will. The real bottom comes when I can sit here in all of my toothy glory at 1 AM in the morning unable to gloat about my shiny straight toothiness because it is indeed 1 AM in the morning, and I am indeed watching Jerry Springer. And THREE...yes there is a three...at least these people have someone...and they're not watching The Jerry Springer Show...unless they TiVOed their appearance so they could fastforward or rewind all of the boobie parts. Kind of their own version of a home sex video.

Things I learned while watching The Jerry Springer Show:

Teeth are a commodity.
So are symmetrical boobies.
Or ones pointed in a direction other than south, for that matter.
Cowboy hats are BIG with the white man.
Nobody wears bras or bros. And they're needed.
Body wax is needed, too. I'm pretty sure the unibrow went the way of 'talk to the hand'.
Make-up can't fix ugly.

Yet, I still watched. Even watching was a "false bottom". The real bottom is blogging about it!

Current Mood: I'm awake.
Current Music: Fat Bottomed Girls........Queen

Mama, Beers and My Boyfriend

aka My Jerry Springer Experience
No, I have not started drinking again. I couldn't sleep and stumbled upon the Jerry Springer show. That was the title.

Early Saturday Morning

So much for posting Friday! I ended up going out with Eric and Erin right after work. I am now just getting home. I have a splitting headache, but it was fun to get out. We had dinner at Bugaboo and went back to their place and talked for awhile.

I need to head to bed. I am going to sleep in and then clean, clean, clean. I already warned the kids. Laundry, changing beds, regular picking up, etc, etc, etc.

Waiting for The OC

To continue with my 3 posts a day trend, I'll post some quotes I found in an old file that I used to have on my old college webpage.


We've all had our hearts broken. So, you've been bitten by a snake. Shake it off!!! ~ Ken Graves, Pastor~

If you judge people, you have no time to love them. ~Mother Theresa~

Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Let the day's own trouble be sufficient for the day. ~Matthew 6:34~

But if you tame me, we'll need each other. You'll be the only boy in the world for me. I'll be the only fox in the world for you. ~ The Little Prince~

Some of us get dipped in flat paint, some in satin, some in gloss...But every once in a while you find someone who's iridescent, and when you do, nothing will ever compare. ~ Flipped by Wendelin Van Draanen

The minute I heard my first love story,
I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was.
Lovers don't finally meet somewhere.
They're in each other all along.
~ by Maulana Jalalu'ddin Rumi ~

The greatest weakness of most humans
Is their hesitancy to tell others,
How much they love them
While they're alive.
~ by O.A. Battista ~

And She Screams

What a night! Not in a good way. The kids at the center were more hyper than usual, but it is only 2 days since Halloween. Amol was sick tonight, so it was just me and Kathy. She was coming from Penquis CAP to do a conflict resolution seminar with the kids. Just let that sink in. Homeless, predominately pre-teen to early teenaged boys, conflict resolution and seminar all in the same sentence!

I'm not sure who I am more angry with. Me, because I am letting all of this bother me. Kathy, because she walked into the place dressed like she was going to the theater (say that with your Bostonian accent). Or the kids, because they were completely disrespectful and impolite, not listening and just being annoying little pre-teen boys!

Now that I am starting to calm down a little, I am trying to put myself in the boys' shoes. They all got a lecture out of me tonight after Kathy left about how much they disappointed me this evening and how 'dumb broad' is never appropriate language. I know in some warped way that was their way of showing loyalty to me (think substitue teacher vs. regular teacher), and I know they are so tired of caseworkers and therapists and being lab rats for new theory; however, when I am not leading a discussion, they are to give their full and rapt attention to any person who has been invited to the center. They will do this, not because it is the socially correct thing to do (though that would be nice), but because of the respect the kids and I have for each other. Not only was their behavior rude, it was disrespectful to me, even though they aren't seeing it like that right now. They all hung their heads as they walked out the door, saying "I guess we'll see you Tuesday then."

I'm angry with the kids because nobody gives a shit about them and when they get the chance to maybe change people's perceptions, this is how they behave. I'm mad at myself because I should have seen this coming. I should have mentioned to Kathy that things are low key and to maybe dress down at the center. Jeans and a nice shirt is fine. You definitely have to meet them at their level. The kids were immediately put off by her appearance and made it clear that they had had enough of "school" for the day. I'm mad at her because she was looking at me like this was all my fault. Like I have no control over the kids. I looked at her like she was nuts because these kids aren't to be 'controlled'. They aren't animals. They are little kids that have had zero stability in their lives. They have come to this transitional housing project from shelters, cars, tents, and surfing strange couches. What they don't need is to feel judged on their home turf. They deal with that enough at school. These are kids whose parents are alcoholics, sex offenders, physical abusers, drug addicts, mental health patients and transients to just illustrate a few hurdles they may be encountering on a daily basis. She didn't ask any of their names. I found that offensive. She asked if I was Jennifer and introduced herself to me and then asked if she should just start. I was like, "However you want to do this. I'm just crowd control."

Thursday Night

The OC premiere is on tonight at 9 PM. You know where I'll be! Right in front of my tv!

It is raining today. I saw a few very wet flakes of snow on the drive to get my latte. As soon as I walked outside, I said to Shannon, it smells like snow. About a 100 feet down the road, we could see some fat wet drops hitting the windshield.

Right now, I am doing some laundry. It feels good to accomplish a few things and to feel halfway human again. I couldn't fall asleep for the longest time last night. I tossed and turned until at least midnight. So no extra coffee today. I was able to sleep in this morning so it wasn't a big deal, but tomorrow I have to work 8-4:30, so no time for that! I am glad tomorrow is Friday. I can enjoy some guilt-free rest this weekend.

I used to be funny. At least I used to amuse myself. Lately, I've lost my sense of humor. I've been sick. Brian's a douche, but I can't blame my lack of humor on him. He's always been a douche and I still managed to make myself laugh. Now I blog about cleaning my house and I've stopped making fun of people. A "judge not, lest ye be judged" kind of thing, I guess. I have given up drugs, alcohol and sex this past year and I can only take so much!

Anyway, I was definitely out of it this past weekend with my cold and medication, but I do remember an incident at Movie Gallery Friday night. Like I said, I was sick and medicated, but my son wanted some movies. I don't remember really moving about the store. I basically just struck a catatonic pose, trying to not fall over or pass out, while my son ran around getting some movies. I DO remember hearing a voice I recognized. I was like, "I know that voice! How do I know that voice?" I peeked around the corner and it was a former BFF from high school. Like 9th grade BFF. She and Wendy were the most popular girls in the school. I was determined in my youth to be their leader. They were the captains of the cheerleading squad, so I tried out for the team and made it. Pretty soon we were doing the Monkee walk down the street together. Literally. I let them talk me into going caroling one Christmas and we did that! Life with them was tanning, working out, shopping, and being very exclusive. They were mindless followers even though the entire high school thought they were original and wanted to be like them. I could only take about a year of them and soon started hanging out with the party crowd on the weekends.

So I ran into this former BFF and I kind of hung back behind one of the movie displays so I could check out what kind of person she'd turned into. I was temporarily sent into a state of shock. This girl who would not date anyone who didn't have the right clothes or shoes or who didn't play the right sport was now heavy for her once very small frame, unkempt and with a heavy man wearing FLANNEL and sporting some Big Yanks from Sears. No make-up. No Louis. A sweatshirt paired with khakis...I KNOW, that stopped me short, too! I heard through the grapevine that she is still living with her parents. Her father was quite wealthy. So she and her two (black) kids are living with the very white, very 40ish Big Yank in her parents' house. I only point out the color of her children because of the irony of it all and the mean person she had been back in high school towards others. So here we are, at the local movie store, she and Big Yank, with me and Zach behind them in line, and she's catching up with the 35-Year Old Virgin behind the counter, who she used to make fun of in high school. I was left thinking two thoughts, "I really need to stop self-medicating!" and "I really really need to get out of this town!"

3 A Day

I seem to like blogging 3 times a day lately. Except for this past weekend, when I was barely blogging at all.

I went to work this afternoon and to church tonight. It was good to get out. Jolean has been having problems with a flooded basement! Debi is still kind of sick. I am on the mend. Shawna and Nina are both healthy as can be! I'm wearing my skinny jeans tonight so I really don't have a lot to complain about.

Right now, the kids are watching The Santa Clause.

I'm not one for country music but tonight while scanning thru the songs on the radio, I heard The Rascal Flatts "Bless the Broken Road (That Led To You)".

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.


Current Mood: Peaceful

Wednesday Afternoon

I haven't done my hair since last Friday. I have just been putting it up after my showers. I think that is part of my blah mood, on top of being sick of course. That and my pale face because I've been sick. And the dark circles under my eyes. I did my hair today. I know it will help to get me back on the road to good health. It is hard to feel good when you're aren't looking your best and it is hard to look your best when you don't feel well.

November 1, 2006

How can it be November? How can 2006 almost be over?

I have a headache. I haven't had an coffee yet, so that is probably why.

I have to work this afternoon and then church tonight. Debi emailed me. She is sick, too. I have to get this house picked up. I have let it slide because I've been sick. It is frustrating that this is as exciting as my life is right now. Sierra has spent the last 10 minutes whining because I was folding laundry and there was no room on the couch for her. Now there is room and her head is on my lap. What a BRAT! That is all she wanted. She sounded like she was dying a second ago.

I wish it was snowing. Why, I don't know, but I could use some snowy snowstorm coziness right now. If I can't have the sun and be at the beach, give me snow!

I have to go take a shower.

Halloween Night

I have made a decision to never go on a first date or do anything significant on a holiday (excepting family and close friends) AGAIN! I think Halloween night has been ruined for me. Three years ago, Brian and I had our first date. I haven't talked to him since the 12th.

Anyway, it has been a pretty bleak day for the most part. It is pathetic to let someone have so much control over my heart. I just want to be over it already. I want to be happy again. I want to be happy WITH someone again. BUT...the few times I've tried, like my recent attempt at that date with the statetrooper, I just knew it didn't feel right.

It isn't even Brian that I miss so much. Don't get me wrong, I miss him, but what I miss more is our long walks. Talking all night on the phone. Biking all over the east coast. Having someone put an extra coat on me when we'd walk in the snow. Having someone pull me back when I'd lean over the railing too far over the river. Having someone tell me that they loved me so much they'd trade their life for mine without even thinking twice. Having that comfortable silence in the car, just listening to the radio. Knowing almost as much about someone's life as my own, the good and the bad. Having someone pull over to the side of the road all of a sudden just to kiss me because I looked really pretty in that moment and he just had to. Having someone sing to me when he thought I was sleeping. Having someone play with my hair all night when I was sleeping. Knowing exactly what they're going to say before they say it.



Current Mood: really ready for God to fix all of this
Current Move: The Punisher