Tree's Down

My Christmas tree is down, decorations are put away, and my life can resume normal procedures in all of its simplicity. I was going to keep it up until after New Year's, like I usually do, but I'm going to be gone all weekend and not coming home until late Monday and with the dog and cats, I'm afraid I'd come home to a big mess. It is nice to have my living room back. It is nice to hear normal music on the radio again. It is nice to go to work and not have party planning to do.

I can't believe all of this rain we are getting. There is yet another flood watch for this area.

Still no news about a baby yet.

I start tanning next week! YIPPEE!!! I desperately need a trim. My ends feel all dry and brittle. I was holding out until spring to get some of my length back after the last chopping, in which she took off 3 inches but I need at least an inch off. Truth be told, I do have most of my lenght back now anyway. My hair grows unusually fast and I can afford to give up the inch if it means soft and smooth hair.

I suppose I need to start getting ready for work. I am feeling kind of blah, like I could take the day off. I'll perk up at the center.

Five Now

Five Now
Originally uploaded by jennluvsgable.

My Bailey-boo is growing up so fast!

News

My mom called last night while I was on the phone with Brian. She was headed to Connecticut because my sister's in labor. I still haven't heard anything. It has been just about 12 hours. This is her first baby, so the length of time isn't all that unusual, at least for my family. With my first one, my labor also started about 10 PM (kind of a neat coincidence that that is when my sister's started) and Kayla wasn't born until 2:45 PM in the afternoon. With Hayley, my entire labor start to finish was only 5 hours. With Zach, it was 12 painful hours. It would have been less, but there were some complications, one of which was that he was 10 pounds and his shoulders were bigger than his head, causing him to become stuck in the birth canal, but with his head already delivered there wasn't a whole lot that could be done via c-section. SOOOOO, it kind of sucked and my ob-gyn was extremely apologetic for not listening to me when I was screaming that something was wrong. A simple ultrasound would have confirmed his excessive BIGNESS and I would have been scheduled for a c-section immediately.

So now I am anxiously awaiting the news of Gracie's arrival!

I'm headed to P.I. tomorrow around noon. The roads will be horrendous. I promised Brian I would take my time. A normal 2 hour trip will probably be more like 3 or 4 depending on the speeds. They are predicting another foot for norhtern Maine. We just getting rain around here. Hard to believe 2 hours can make such a difference in the weather, but once you get up into the mountains, it is a whole different world.

Current Mood: anticipated
Current Music: A Whole New World.............Aladdin

F***ing Tired!!!

I watched Polar Express with the kids at work tonight. It was good. Made me sleepy, though. Now, I have to head to the grocery store and buy food for supper tonight. THEN, I will put on jammies and settle in with my book. I think I am leaving around noon on Friday to head up to P.I. Definitely noon if the weather is bad. Brian will probably already be plowing when I get there. I'll drop my stuff off at the apartment and then have him pick me up.

I work tomorrow night 3-8. Nothing new to report. I'm on my way to Hannaford. Really. I am.

. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME:
(first pet's name and street name)
Whiskey Main

2. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME:
(first two letters of first name, first four letters of your last name)
Jersey.....I LOVE it!!!!

3.YOUR DETECTIVE NAME:
(favorite animal, name of high school)
Cat Old Town

4.YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME:
(your car's model, city where you were born)
Taurus Bangor

5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME:(first 3 letters of your last name, last 3 letters of mother's maiden name, first 3 letters of your pet's name)
Deomcgkod

6. YOUR BLUES SINGER NAME: (the weather outside right now and the last name of your favorite president)
Sunny Roosevelt

7. YOUR VIKING NAME: (your first name, "the", and describe your hair)
Jennifer the Long

December 28, 2005

The storm in Northern Maine topped off at 39 inches! Crazy! They are getting more tomorrow night and I'm headed up Friday. I'm excited to see all the snow! I slept 12 straight hours last night due to staying up keeping Brian company plowing, so I am sure he is wiped!

I am playing with the idea of going to the movies with the girls tonight. I work 3-6 today. It is a real tough life sometimes! :) I might just want to hang out here and relax and burn my new candles! AND read!!! Angels & Demons is getting good and I probably would have finished it by now, except that I spent one whole night keeping Brian company and last night, I read as long as I could, but I didn't last beyond 9:30 PM.

Not a whole lot to blog about. I'm trying to decide what to do about supper. Something homey.

Super Tired!

Brian has been up for over 24 hours straight, plowing his more than 40 customers. They got about 30 inches of snow in this one storm! I stayed on the phone with him on and off all day with him yesterday and from 10 PM last night until 2:30 AM this morning, keeping him awake, then he slept from 2:30 until 4 AM and I called him and woke him up so he could get back out there. I slept until 9 and called him again to make sure he was okay. He's doing great. Hanging in there. He should be able to finish up around noon and sleep until about 5, before he has to go back out and finish cleaning up the driveways. I love plow nights when I stay on the phone with him all night, but this one was particularly long. It is supposed to snow again Thursday or Friday, but I am headed up to Presque Isle this weekend anyway. I'll be able to keep him company in the truck. We didn't have any huge New Year's Eve plans. We debated about spending the weekend in Vermont, but with the threat of snow, Brian can't really be that far away. If the weather was going to be clear through the weekend, then we'd go. It is fine with me. I'd like a nice quiet night at home, ringing in the New Year with just him and I. I'm still recovering from last New Year's!!! I was so sick, as blogworld well remembers! I didn't drink again until that week in Laconia for bike week. I got really sick there, too! My drinking until I puke days are OVER!!!

Kayla and Hayley stayed up last night, too. We were watching season 6 of Buffy and they were up until 3 AM. All three of us are awake right now...not in very good moods, but awake! My car is warming up and we are getting ready for our morning jaunt to Ampersand's for our coffees and lattes.

I have to work 3-8 PM. The girls are going with me. It'll be good to see the kids at the center. It has been 4 WHOLE days! :)

I hope everyone had a WONDERFUL Christmas! Last week was the longest I've gone without blogging since I've been blogging. I was just so busy, that even the thought of turning the computer on when I got home at night was too overwhelming!

Okie dokie, I've got to get to Ampersand's. I am in desperate need of my favorite caffinated bevereage!

Current Mood: sleepy but very content!
Current Music: The Eminem Show

Hello Again

Sorry for the hiatus, Blogworld. I had a crazy busy week last week, with Christmas parties galore. Friday night was spent doing last minute stocking stuffer shopping. Saturday night was Christmas Eve, which we spent at my brother's house. Christmas Day was quiet. The kids had a SUPER Christmas. They got everything on their lists and then some. The girls and I went shopping today. The stores are back to normal. Not too busy. They each got $300 total in Christmas money, so we had a good time spending that. I went to the movies last night to see Wolf Creek. Kind of disturbing.

Brian is presently plowing 20-30 inches of snow. They got nailed in Presque Isle. We have so far only gotten rain. Some of it is freezing right now, but nothing serious. He plowed all night Christmas night. It really is okay, since he gets $850 per storm. Three billable storms this week. That is $2550 this week alone. It is all going into our vacation fund, so I don't mind! :) We plan on taking a three week biking trip on the motorcycle this summer. I can't wait.

Right now, I am relaxing with the girls, watching Season 6 of Buffy. Burning some of my new Yankee Candles that I got for Christmas. I got FOUR new ones! Yippee!!! We ate a late lunch at Ruby Tuesdays so I think we're just gonna snack on some goodies tonight.

Okay, time to get back to Buffy and reading Angels & Demons by Dan Brown (The Da Vinci Code).

Weekend Update

I am just getting back from Presque Isle. I had some fun hanging out with Brian in his new apartment. We went shopping and picked up stuff for me to keep there. My contact stuff, etc, so I don't have to bring it with me now.

He'll be down Thursday or Friday. We might take a quick trip to Portland for some last minute Christmas shopping.

Po' No Mo'

That's right, folks. I'm poor no more.

Some of you may already know that my ex and I have been having our child support order reviewed as per the initial order. It was to be reviewed every couple of years. Well, I ALMOST sent in a letter saying I was quite happy with the $200 per week I was receiving. However, I have been crazy busy and one week stretched into two and I never got the letter sent in. I was wondering why my ex has been sooooo nervous about all of this because if his income hadn't changed, then the support order would not change. He cries poverty all the time even though he has a brand new house, a brand new truck, etc...but I haven't needed any more money for the kids. We manage just fine. That was before I got a copy of the new proposed order. Seems like Mr. Man has been keeping secret from me the fact that he grossed over $150,000 last year. Somebody's now having to pay $415 a week. I haven't checked my messages yet but the caller i.d. says I have lots of calls from him. I'm assuming he got a copy of the order today, too and I am guessing he is making a voodoo doll of me as we speak. Just think how cheap a condom would have been 16 years ago! I'm feeling weird. At first I was feeling guilty because that is a lot of money, but now I am kind of hurt that he hasn't been honest with me about this. I really was fine with the $200 a week, back when I thought he was still making $50,000 a year. If my ex was Donald Trump, wouldn't I expect my children to have a standard of living that coincided with their dad's earnings? I'm expecting a custody suit now, but even so, the girls are old enough 15 and 14 to decide where they want to live and in the order, I am only forced to pay $65 a week if the kids were to move in with him.

I'm seriously kidding about the title of this post. I actually have a sick stomach right now because of the stress of all of this. I did NOT pursue the child support amendment. We agreed upon this 12 years ago when we split up, that we'd have the order re-evaluated. I will only receive this money for another 4 years, but he will have to pay me $78,000 during this time.

December 14, 2005

I was at work this morning by 7 AM. I worked until 12:30. I then came home, got my latte, checked on things and picked the kids up from school. I went back to work at 3 and the kids and I were there until 6. On to Walmart after that. I had to buy dog food and kitty litter, but it wasn't as insanely busy as it has been, so I decided to get some of my Christmas shopping done. Now, it is 8:20 PM. The kids and I are going to have a late supper...BLT's, which the girls are making and I am going to wrap the presents.

I am SO exhausted it isn't funny. I have been working 7 AM until 8:30 PM, except for today and then I've been talking to Brian until about 11 PM on the phone. Friday is almost here. Saturday morning will be lazy and splendid. I should save all of the wrapping for then because it will give me something to do. I am not doing any shopping this weekend, unless it is late at night. I will sleep all day if I have to. I will get the stuff I have to get at the mall next Tuesday during the morning because I won't have to work and it shouldn't be as busy there.

I bought myself Dan Brown's "Angels and Demons" tonight. Kind of a prelude to The DaVinci Code, which I've already read. He is a very talented author and I find him entertaining.

SOOOO, I am going to read and eat and then fall asleep. It will be a very busy day tomorrow.

To Grandmother's House We Go

After work, the kids and I went to Grandma's for a little while. This would be my grandmother. She is a very large and very loud Irish woman. Things I learned from her tonight: (*disclaimer: none of these views are mine, nor are they from a sane individual) Think Archie Bunker crossed with Big Mama. That's Grandma.

- Walmart and the AARP are run by homosexuals.
- Newsweek is Jewish.
- KMart employs children from China.

I had to run a few errands for her and so the kids and I hung out. We were sitting in her cramped living room, with Zach sitting in her motorized scooter. "How fast does thing go anyway?" he asks. "Hey Grandma, you should take this thing to bike week! Grandmas Gone Wild!" Zach thinks this is hilarious. My grandmother knits beautifully and brings out our token sweaters. While she may knit beautifully, she seems to think that Zach likes hot pinks and purples, while the girls and I enjoy rust and mustard shades. So she offers the standard " Oh, I finished up some sweaters for you." The girls, Zach and I grimace behind our obligatory smiles. She brings them out. She's out done herself. Zach's is a little short in the sleeves. Hayley's looks like it would fit a very very large man. Mine isn't finished yet. Kayla's has teddy bears on it. I ask Hayley to show me hers and she holds it up, while sticking her finger down her throat while hiding behind it. We are to wear these lovely sweaters at Grandma's sometime before the holiday. It beats the infamous reindeer sweater of Zach's that she made one year. This baby was HOT. Brown in color, with some white and eyes strategically placed to resemble a reindeer. A red pompom sewn to the side for the nose. Two 3-d antlers coming up from the shoulders. Would have been cute if he had been 4. He was a little old for the look. It did give his sisters and I hours of enjoyment, though! :)

The kids and I dined at the BK Lounge this evening. On the way home, we jammed to some Kiss. We were all singing, "I Want to Rock and Roll All Night and Party Everyday" with Zach busting out his air drums.

Bank Error in Your Favor

This was welcome news and even more exciting in real life than in Monopoly world. Yippee. It was mine to begin with, just a screw up with my direct deposit, and I actually wasn't even the one who noticed it.

I'm enjoying a quiet Sunday at home. The girls and I are cleaning. Surprise, surprise! We slacked off this week. I'm going through some old curtains and blankets. Brian doesn't have a curtain in his new bedroom and his new room is done in navy blue...great minds think alike because my bedroom is done in navy blue and I have two very nice navy blue valances that I don't need, so I am giving him those. He did his new living room in burgandy, too, which I think is cute, because MY living room is burgandy. I think it is cute because I was worried if he bought new stuff and we decided to actually move in together some day, the colors would clash. He also bought three vanilla-scented Yankee candles for the living room. I said, "You don't even like vanilla!" He said, "I know, but it is your favorite." Awwwww!

I already have some of his presents. I am getting him the Joe Dirt soundtrack that he wants. The Bob Marley comedy cd "Put the Boots to 'Er" which Brian and I saw him perform at Comedy Connection in Portland, and a Bob Marley t-shirt. I wanted to get him the "Dude, Don't be a Dink" t-shirt, but instead I got him the "I'm Right Friggin' Sideways" t-shirt. Kayla bought him a small shovel. It is a running joke between them. He never thinks before he speaks and I mentioned to her one time about yet another shit-shoveling moment for Brian and she laughed and said, "Okay, he might as well just hit himself in the head with the shovel!" He thought that was the funniest thing he'd ever heard. I know the shovel will be his favorite gift! :)

Anyway, I have to pick up some stuff at the World That is Wally and pick up my son from my brother's house. He ditched me for my brother to play video games. After those errands, I'll be doing laundry. Oh, lucky, lucky me!

Current Mood: good
Current Music: Oh Come All Ye Faithful

Stuff

The mall was insane today. Not really the mall, as much as the all roads leading to and away from the mall. Be prepared to sit in traffic for at least 45 minutes. I got the picture done and my Christmas cards are done. I'll pick them up tomorrow because I don't care to go anywhere near Bangor again tonite. I'll pick them up after church tomorrow.

I think I am going to get everyone mall gift certificates and let them shop for themselves and fight with the crowds and traffic!

I am supposed to go to a drag show tomorrow night at Detour. Should be fun. I liked the last drag show I went to. Cover is $4, but that isn't too bad. I won't be drinking. Kelly, Allison, Kelly's mom and Linda (Allison's mom) are going, which should make it hysterical! I'll make sure I post pics!

Current Mood: weird
Current Music: Get Stoned.........Hinder

That Time of Year...

...for Christmas cards. I am way behind. The kids and I are going to have some pics taken in front of our tree, in Webster Park in front of some snow and ice covered trees, and some sledding in Hayford Park. Then we'll pick the best one, go to the one hour photo and have the Christmas cards made up and get them addressed this weekend, and then out in the mail by Monday.

IF it wasn't Christmas time right now, the things I'd like to be doing are:

- skiing at Sugarloaf...really too expensive this close to Christmas.
- buying my new North Face ski jacket, which I CAN'T wait to get...but at $250, it'll have to wait until after Christmas...it'll be on sale by then, too.
- spending a long weekend in New Jersey/Philadelphia, PA with my aunt, uncle and cousins.

I am glad it is Friday. The day went by sorta fast, which was good. I left work a little early because of the roads. They seem fine now. Kayla, Hayley and Shannon are cooking supper tonight. It is nice not to have to. I was at work by 8 this morning. I am so tired right now. Unlike the other night, last night I didn't sleep so sound. Hopefully I will sleep good tonight.

I get to work at the daycare on Monday! I am so excited. I am working there all week, but on Monday, I am not working at the center. The rest of the week, I am working at both places. I am looking forward to it, though.

I have MAJOR laundry to do this weekend.

The girls are also making ranch flavored chex mix tonight. Yum, Yum! We'll snack on that while watching Charlie Brown's Christmas.

Hurrah for Now!

Well blog world, I know you have all been waiting patiently for the results of my tests...they came back today and there is not a freaking thing wrong with me. My blood pressure is normal. I am not anemic, diabetic, or have problems with my thyroid. My cholesterol is low. I'm not overweight. I'm not pregnant. I don't have cancer. I have a heart beat and a pulse. No fevers or tumors or rashes. I should be around for a long, long time. My pee is normal, too.

So it was all in my head!!!

Audioblogger...for my next roadtrip!

Random

I'm officially bored out of my freaking mind!

You know how one random thought leads to another and then a 1/2 hour later you're like, How the f*** did my mind wander to HERE?

Okay, here is an example:

Looking into the mirror, I was struck by how Jaclyn Smith my hair is looking today. Huh, I think, she always WAS my favorite Angel. Kate Jackson was a little too lesbian for me and even at a young age, I just could never entrust my life to a blond. Except for Jamie. Jamie Summers used to rule my world! I got in a fight with my kindergarten teacher because she tried telling me I wasn't the Bionic Woman. I lifted up the end of a table to prove that I was indeed bionic.

Which led me to think about 1st grade. There was this boy that I was madly in love with. So in love that in the inside of my wardrobe (which would later become THE wardrobe from Narnia, but I digress) I wrote "I love David P." all over it. I loved him so much that I lied to him about my love of baseball. We were standing in line (boy, girl, boy, girl) to go to lunch and I knew how much he loved baseball, so I knew I'd have to impress him somehow. So I told him my uncle was Jim Rice. He was like, "Your uncle is Jim Rice?" I was like, "Yeah." We never hooked up in all of the years that I've known him. I lost the love in 5th grade when the teacher was wheeling the t.v. cart by his desk and the t.v. fell on his head. In around 8th grade, I finally saw a picture of Uncle Jim...he's such a striking African-American.

I was such a queer child.

So I Wait...

I'm waiting for the lab results to come back from my dr's appointment. I was told they should have them back by Thursday. That would be today.

I was literally ASLEEP last night by about 5 minutes after 9 PM. I slept right through until 6:30 this morning. I never sleep right through. I always get up half a dozen times in the night. I got the kids off to school and laid back down, seeing as how I was expecting to get my day started until at least 9 AM. I dozed until 8:30 and then I couldn't take it anymore. I had to get up. Can I just say how exquisite it is to sleep through a whole night without waking up at all? I wish I could do that more often. I think the last time that happened, Brian and I were spending the night in Concord after riding 12 hours straight on the motorcycle. I was asleep that night by like 8:30.

But because of my extra zzzz's, I was up earlier, got things done earlier and now have 3 hours before I have to pick up the kids. What is one to do but sit by the phone and wait for lab results?

I want to do some Christmas shopping in Portland. More specifically, I want to do some drinking in the Old Port. No heavy drinking. Just a few glasses of wine or champagne to get a little buzz and feel happy for a little while. Happy is happy, whether chemically produced or not. I know better than to drink before or during shopping! Lynette and I had a few drinks at our Ruby Tuesdays in the mall while we were shopping...I think I have finally donated the last of the crap I bought that day. Drunk shopping is as bad as drunk dialing.

Just when I thought we'd not be getting any snow anytime soon, I just heard we should be getting about 3 inches tomorrow! This makes me happy. It's not the foot I was hoping for, but anything is better than ugly, bare, brown, dead earth, which is most of the landscape, although I still have green grass! I want to make a snowman and take the kids sledding. Night sledding is the best. The kids and I went down Suicide Hill last year. What a blast!

My friend Shelley has disappeared. She and her boyfriend Dan broke up after 3 years like 2 months ago now. After the first 3 weeks, she was going crazy, so she emailed me and said she was going to South Dakota to visit some friends for 3 weeks and not to worry. That was like back in OCTOBER! I hope she is okay. She hasn't replied to my email yet. She and I shouldn't be friends. It is weird. I say this because she is tomboyish (doesn't wear makeup, curl her hair or fuss with clothes other than jeans and t-shirts) and really made some assumptions about me before getting to know me. Now she and I are like sisters and she has admitted that I am nothing like she presumed I would be. She thought I would be snobby, self-centered and superficial, which I can be admittedly, but not with people I care about.

I found the car I am going to buy in February. Nothing fancy. A silver Dodge Stratus. I love this thing. It is so pretty. Either that, or a Dodge Dakota Sport supercab. That is cute, too. There is also a Saab station wagon I am looking at too. I'm not big on grocery getters but it is sporty looking and the roof rack comes in handy for skiing or kayaking. Plus it is a Saab (you have to say it with a snotty Bostonian accent) which will go nicely with Louis (my Louis Vuitton purse.) That was for you, Shell.

Current Mood: anxious
Current Music: Mercedes Benz....Janis Joplin

I Love These Jokes

They never fail to make me laugh...

1. One day a dyslexic guy walks into a bra.

2. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

Time for Housework

Eric, I am glad you changed your theory on bottled water. I don't mind tap if it doesn't taste too chlorinated, but I really like that you are choosing water instead of soda or gatorade while riding your bike! Too much sugar is not good for you and gatorade/powerade are great choices only if you are sick. I would stay away from them while exercising or even if you are just choosing it as an alternative to soda. The sports replenishers really wreak havoc on your kidneys. Like everything though, moderation is key. Like I said, sports drinks seem to be great for when you are sick. They quickly replenish lost electrolytes and seem to settle my stomach after vomiting. Water is the best choice. Juice should be treated with as much caution as soda. I really hate it when parents won't give their kids soda because of the sugar, yet they give cup after cup of juice. There is as much sugar in juice as there is soda. A daily vitamin will give your child the appropriate amount of nutrients needed. At the daycare, we were state mandated to have a dietician overlook our menus every couple of months and we were only allowed to give kids one glass of juice a day. The rest of the day was to be water. Except for the babies. For some reason, the state doesn't mandate how much juice intake they are to have. I used to give my kids lots of juice, thinking it was more healthy. It was watered down, of course, because they were super sensitive to a lot of stuff, but I still let them drink as much of it as they wanted. They were definitely packing on the pounds. So now, we all have the occasional glass of juice, absolutely no soda, unless it is a special occasion and then it is diet, and sports drinks when they are sick. Kayla has lost about 25 pounds and Hayley is slowly losing. They DO love sparkling flavored waters and herbal teas. The girls are getting old enough (in their teens) to like coffee. I limit them to a cup a day and then it has to be decaf. Our weakness now: hot chocolate and egg nog! :)

December 7, 2005

I'm not feeling the wanderlust quite so much today. I think I just needed to look for jobs and new places in new cities to remind me that I am the master of my own life. Every once in awhile I start feeling trapped and I hate that feeling. Brian helped a little with that last night. Seems he is good for some things.

I don't have to be at work until 3. Then only for 2 hours.

I am looking forward to working at the daycare next week. I'll be working close to 77 hours that week, but it will be fun and I'll get two paychecks on Friday.

I have to buy 3 gifts for this stupid secret Santa party the department is throwing. The upside is I also will get 3 gifts. There is no under $10 rule. They traditionally spend $10-$20 on the first gift, $10-$20 on the second and then go all out for the third. I don't even spend $20 on people I LIKE. Just kidding, but I have to really like them. I then have to buy a present for Claire, Carl and Iona. They are each buying me a present. I already know what I am getting Brian.

The kids are easy. Just a matter of finishing that all up. Looks like next weekend is the big one for me. I definitely want to finish up by then.

The sun is now coming up to melt all of the 1/5 of the inch of snow that fell last night. I was hoping for a foot or so of snow and have a real old-fashioned snow day with the kids. No such luck.

I am getting that feeling again. That feeling to pack up and move. This has been happening more and more frequently over the past year. I am okay with my new job. I don't love it like I loved the preschool, but I am thankful that I LOVE the people I work with. I will miss them all when I move on. I just have this unsatisfied feeling. It is very hard to explain. I am not happy and I can't quite put my finger on it. I'm convinced that moving and starting over will make me happy. The sane part of me begins to take over and I realize that that really won't fix things and I might find myself in a much worse situation.

I am just so envious of my friend Terri. She packed it all up and has herself relocated in a fishing town in Alaska on the Bering Sea. I'm not envious of the location, but of her courage and sense of adventure. I have been looking at new teaching jobs online and I could me making 2 x's what I am making right now. It is frustrating to have to wait until August when my contract runs out.

I've also been toying with the idea of trying to track down my dad. I think my brother might be up for going. It literally would be like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Especially if he doesn't want to be found.

Does anyone ever feel like they'd like to spend 20 minutes or so in a padded sound proof room and just scream and cry and throw things and then walk out like everything is normal? I was told by my therapist that this is a fantasy of a "normal" person. Makes me wonder what a really f***ed up person must be going thru.

It is comforting to know that I don't have any really 'normal' friends. We're like the toys on the Island of Misfits.

Anyway

I had a lot of blood drawn at today's dr's appointment. Out of both arms. Nikki said she was going to check for everything. I told her the pregnancy test was negative, but they are checking my blood for that anyway. They are testing me for thyroid problems, diabetes, among other things. She told me not to worry too much and that the results would be back by Thursday. It could be anything at this point, but we have to start somewhere.

I'm trying not to worry but it was easier to ignore when I didn't have pending test results out there.

Mom and Girls

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Originally uploaded by jennluvsgable.

Belfast.......Christmas 2005

Jenn and Allison

jennally.JPG
Originally uploaded by jennluvsgable.

Camden....Christmas 2005

Sunglass Girls

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Originally uploaded by jennluvsgable.

Kayla, Mom, Hayley.....Belfast....Christmas 2005

Treehuggers

treehuggers.JPG
Originally uploaded by jennluvsgable.

Kayla and Mom...Camden Christmas 2005

12/05/05 Update

I was so busy this morning. I was a little bit late for work, but at this point in the game, I DON'T CARE!!!

Next week, I get to work at the daycare, covering for Jessy. She and (her) Brian and Kami are going to the Caymen Islands and Mexico on a cruise. I am happy because I am happy for her, but most importantly because I get to see my kids! I'll be in Jessy's room and Bailey is VERY disappointed, but I'll hug her as often as I can! The extra money at Christmas time will be nice, too!

Yes, Eric and Erin, Tanya and Teresa...I am going to the doctors tomorrow morning. :) I'm going to have another pregnancy test and some other tests on my blood and urine and hopefully, they can figure out what has been going on with me. I am very nervous and I just have this feeling that something is wrong, but I am probably just anxious over nothing.

I have been looking at some condos in the area. Very nice. 3 bedrooms, oak spiral staircase, fireplace, living room, dining room, basement, balcony. One even had 2 bedrooms, but a third loft bedroom. I thought that was cool. I'll be renting the condo instead of buying. I don't want to buy until I know that I'll be living in a particular area for awhile. I am only planning on being here maybe another year. I am tired of this house. I have been here for 11 years. It has served us well, this 4 bedroom house, but I am ready for BRAND NEW. I want a new condo or townhouse that has been gently lived in if it isn't new. The kids are psyched and we are ready for a change. I won't be in a position to move until February but I am seriously considering it. I am also job hunting as of January/February. I want to have a nice teaching job lined up in (hopefully) southern Maine by August. I am not ruling out any area, though.

Current Mood: okay
Current Music: The Doom Song............Invader Zim

December 5, 2005

Well, the test came back negative. I'm still not feeling right and I have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday.

The kids and I went to Camden Saturday, for Christmas by the Sea. Lots of fun. I'll post pics later, but I am late for work!

8:30 PM

Today I am bloated and constipated and have peed 8 times since 2 PM. I usually pee like 4 times a day. I'm not a peer. Until now. Achey boobs. I swear they look bigger. I am having morning sickness-like symtoms ALL DAY now. There seems to be no signs of stopping. I have given myself until Saturday morning. I had very mild queasiness with my other prenancies, though each one was worse than the previous one. My sister had severe all-day sickness with Grace and I made fun of her, jokingly saying to family, "It couldn't have happened to a better person." I said this knowing I'd not be going thru this again. What a cruel bitch fate can be.

Current Mood: anxious
Current Music: Woodstock......Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young

Queasy Scale

Last night: severe
This morning: good upon waking, but now moderate to severe.

The waves are becoming more frequent and more predictable...right around bedtime and in the early morning. Mid-afternoon, I convince myself that it is all in my head.

I've become turned off to certain smells. Garlic...OMG, if I smell garlic now, I have to head for the bathroom. I've given myself until this weekend. I've decided that if the queasiness does not go away by this weekend, I am taking a test.

I think I will be happy with the results either way. If I am not, then good because our motorcycle vacation plans this summer won't have to be altered. If I am, then that is good, too. Not exactly what I had planned but my older two weren't either.

Tastefully Simple

My Tastefully Simple party is tonight after work. I have lots to cook to get ready for the party. It will be fun and yummy, but I really don't know what I was thinking planning it during a busy work week. I don't have time for these kind of parties anymore.

I'm going to keep a log of when I am feeling queasy. Last night, VERY bad. I thought for sure I was going to throw up. This morning, moderate to bad and I rolled over and fell back to sleep. Yesterday afternoon, moderate.

OMG

I am so flipping tired right now. It has been in incredibly long day. As frustrating as that is, at least I don't have extra time to drive myself crazy.

I have that Tastefully Simple party I am hosting tomorrow night after work. I don't know why I get myself into these things.

Right now, I am going to finish up some laundry and go to bed. I am sleeping in tomorrow, come hell or high water!!!

Well There

I'm relaxing for a minute catching up on some laundry. I went to my meeting this morning, which I had to be there for at 8 AM. I am working tonite until 8:30. The meeting ran long, over two hours. I have to pick up the kids in an hour. I have to pay some bills. Run to the grocery store and then head to the center.

Brian asked me two weeks ago if I'd lost more weight. He never notices anything like that and I hadn't weighed in for awhile, but I told him I didn't think so. Well, I am now wearing my 1st ever in about 16 years size 5's. This could be an explanation for my moodiness and irregular periods, but I am quite certain that weightloss only affects your period if you BMI goes below 14 or 12 or something. I am pretty certain I am no where near there and I am quite certain it isn't because I am exercising too much. Not once has my period been affected by overexercising. Not even when I was training for my triathlon.

Current Mood: maintaining
Current Music: Where is the music? I haven't listened to any for a few days.

There Will Be Lying

This is what was said to me at work today about tomorrow's staff meeting. I can hardly wait! At least it is entertaining. I, thankfully, have little to do with what the meeting is about.

I heard for the first time today a new psychological diagnosis. It is called bipolar II. It is characterized by more depression, with a few manic episodes, whereas with regular bipolar one bounces back and forth frequently and pretty evenly. I had to question the point of the second diagnosis. It is treated the same way as bipolar, depression, anxiety and ocd...antidepressants, therapy, exercise and diet...so why a new name? I think people seem to be on this kick of wanting a name for their problems. Of the 80 or so clients living in the transitional housing development where I work, 97% of them have at least one diagnosis, with over half of them dual-diagnoses. They are all popping pills, out of work, the majority on SSI or are getting SSDI, which is social security on one or more of their dependents, on welfare and/or collecting unemployment.

I sat in on a crisis meeting with a client who has been domestically abused. We had been made aware of the problem several months ago, but the woman at that time didn't want to do anything about it after reluctantly agreeing there was even a problem. So, surprise surprise, there was a physical altercation this weekend, with the husband being arrested and is presently sitting in jail awaiting $500 bail. The woman came in to sign her intent to vacate paperwork because she is moving back in with her parents. I had the opportunity to talk with her. Having been in a similar situation, I was able to advise her about the importance of maintaining a protection order, of not having any contact with him at all, about working with and listening to the victim's advocate and to not have the charges dropped against him.

I had the charges dropped against Mike one time. The first time. I took him back. I denied there was any problem. I made excuse after excuse about his behavior. The violence escalated. He moved out. He stalked me for months and I was forced to get a protection order. He knew my whole schedule, when I got out of work, where I worked, where I had class, when I went to the grocery store and I learned how to not park in a position where he could block me in. I switched my schedule all around and I traveled with friends whenever possible. The last straw was the night I woke up in the middle of the night. He was standing over me and watching me sleep. What woke me up was hearing him say that I would regret leaving him for the rest of my life. This was two years after he moved out. He just wouldn't let this go. I got the protection order and a few weeks later he was in my house again. This time breaking my computer, my tv, my digital camera, just tearing up my house. I had finally had enough and I went after him. I didn't care if I died in the process, but I was going to kill him. I remember my friend Allison pulling me off of him and I threw her off of me and went back at him. Desaraye had called the cops because she was downstairs hearing all of it, thinking I was the one getting beat on. The police came and I remember Mike sitting in the back of their car with a broken nose and a dislocated shoulder. I was sure I was going to be arrested because he was the one bleeding this time. The officer, Seth, said that I had a right to defend my home and the fact that I had a protection order meant that he wasn't supposed to be at my home or anywhere near me.

Anyway, I told this girl my story and I wished her luck. This is the first time the police have been involved with them. She swears she is done with him. I asked why she didn't get the protection order yet. She works, what is this going to do to their son, she is moving in with her parents and they'll protect her. Excuse after excuse, like me. I know in my gut she will take him back.

November 27, 2005

I was just reading my blog entries from the last year. I can say 2005 was way better than 2004. I hope 2006 and will be even better. I'm not crying anymore. Now I am just bitchy. The kids and I played Quiddler and Tri-Ominoes tonight. We had honey mustard chicken, candied sweet potatoes, stuffing, cranberry sauce and some pie we hadn't gotten to on Thanksgiving.

I've kept up this blog for a year. I am very proud of that. It has been one of the healthiest things I've ever done for myself. Plus I've made some new friends because of it!

I really need to get some sleep. I want to read a little before falling off. I can't believe I have to be at work at 8 AM tomorrow. I have really liked having the last 4 days off.

Where in the heck did THAT come from?

I completely flipped out on Brian last night. It wasn't over anything big, he was just nitpicking and normally I either ignore him, give it right back to him, or just tell him to bite the big one. WELL, instead of doing any of that, I just started crying and that escalated into a big downward spiral. After my emotional meltdown, he was like, "Is it that time of the month?" Well, honey, as a matter of fact, we have to talk about that. I had my period and it stopped and then it started for about two hours, then it stopped again. I've been crying on and off today for NO REASON. Last night, I honestly felt like I was losing my mind. I'm quite certain this is all hormonal, though I'm feeling better right at this particular moment.

Ornament Rich

I remember my first Christmas in my own house. I remember being a little ornament poor. I really miss those days! Decorating is SO overwhelming now. I am sitting here, with the tree up, lights and garland on and I am ready to quit! I don't even want to put up the million ornaments I've accumulated over the last 16 years. I remember feeling this way every year. What I don't remember is actually how I get from this point to the tree all done point. I think I just sit here and blog and wait for the little tree decorating elves to come in and do their thing. I still have 4 totes that I have yet to go through. In them are the years of ornaments I accrued and all of my houses that light up and make a snowy village. I thought it would be cute to start collecting them years ago. Yeah, real flipping cute! My village is now a city. Don't even get me started on the entry way and stairway. That might even be another day. I do have our stockings up. I have a 4 year old little helper. My niece Alexis is here.

I am curious why a month or two ago I couldn't WAIT to get started with the Christmas season! After the shopping today and the mess in my living room and the chaos of Thanksgiving yesterday...I am ready for SUMMER! :) The lazy days of Brian and I biking all over without much to care about.

Current Mood: anticipating return of tree decorating elf helpers
Current Music: Grandma got Run Over by a Reindeer

Happy Black Friday!!!

Well, I am feeling a lot better. I'm pretty sure I'm not pregnant, but I'll give that another week or two before taking any kind of test.

Brian and I spent Thanksgiving at his sister's house down in Portland. His other two sisters, Jennifer and Sarah were there with their husbands and children. It was a very nice time. I really really love his family. There were 20 people there for Thanksgiving dinner. The food was great and the company was even better.

The girls and I did some Christmas shopping this morning. Now we're home, relaxing a little. I think we're going to put up the tree and then try to head back out to do some more shopping! I say "TRY" because we're being infiltrated with shopping Canadians!

Current Mood: quite festive
Current Music: We Wish You a Merry Christmas

Freaked

Okay, I am officially freaked out now. My "period" has now come to a stop. Not even 24 hours. The only time something even close to this has occured, has been when I am pregnant. Can stress stop a period, mid-period? What is fun to think about in theory (like I wonder what our kids would look like ) isn't so much fun when it could be a reality. Not to mention, the other options if it isn't pregnancy aren't any better. It could be a cyst, a tumor, though these two things tend to increase bleeding, some kind of cancer, early menopause or even pre-menopause. It could be stress, my diet, or both. I could have hyper or hypo-thyroidism, though I haven't gained any weight, and my weightloss seems to have slowed. I've Googled all of my symptoms and the FIRST thing that keeps coming up is 'Signs of Early Pregnancy'...even before a missed period.

I also Googled the incidence of pregnancies after vasectomies and THOUSANDS of women are in this predicament. The only ones that seem to say the incidence is low are the doctors performing the surgeries. Being intelligent, I could surmise that most doctors offering this as a form of birth control are not going to advertise high failure rates.

I am now a complete emotional wreck.

Tanya asked if I could be pregnant. Honestly, the thought has crossed my mind, not to mention the fact that Brian has been talking a lot about having a baby, but it would be highly unlikely. Brian had a vasectomy like 6 or 7 years ago. However, I recently found out that he never went back to have his sperm count retested after the procedure. I also recently found out that vasectomies can "heal" themselves after a couple of years, leading to lots of pregnant women out there thinking they couldn't get pregnant. Neither one of us are opposed to the idea and I found one freaky website that suggests that your mind has the power to get you pregnant...for instance, one must reconfirm monthly "I do or do not want to get pregnant this month" and supposedly, your body will listen, suggesting that your latent desire to get pregnant may override your overt use of contraceptives. That seems a little too voodoo for me.

These are the facts:

I have been extremely tired the last few weeks. (+)
I've had headaches. (+)
Brian has had a vasectomy. (-)
We did do it during my most fertile time. (+)
I've had to pee frequently. (+)
My boobs hurt. (+)
I'm having severe lower back pain and cramping, which I don't typically have. (+) or (-)
I've been extremely irregular the last 2 cycles, and for the last 20 years, you could set a clock to my cycle.
I have been feeling very dizzy. (+)
I've been feeling very queasy. (+)

Every time I have been pregnant, I've had like a "mini" period, which leads me to think I am not pregnant, and then the next month I skip it completely. I've recently found out that that is very common and is called implantation bleeding. I'm always relieved because it appears to have started, but I also notice that it isn't as heavy as usual and I usually finish up a day earlier than usual. I usually am VERY heavy for the first 24 hours, so any kind of deviance from this routine is very obvious. The fact that I am just spotting right now and not flowing heavy has me a little freaked.

I could also be going thru early menapause. This would be as unlikely as me getting pregnant by Brian. If this spotting doesn't get a little heavier in the next day, I am making an appointment.

Okay

This queasiness has got to stop. Even though I had such a fantastic weekend with Brian, Saturday night, after we fell asleep, I kept waking up because my stomach was killing me. Sunday it wasn't so bad and last night I felt like I was over whatever this bug is, except that I was still having some pretty bad cramping. I woke up this morning feeling queasy again. I am taking the day off from work.

Another Wonderful Sunday

Brian got here about 6 PM last night and we went to dinner at this fabulous restaurant downtown. We both agreed it was probably the best meal we've had in 2005! I had two glasses of red wine, he had two glasses of white and then we went to Club Detour to play some pool. I had another drink there and a jello shot, and he had a couple of beers and then we went back to the hotel. Today we had breakfast at a cafe downtown Ellsworth and took a drive to Schoodic Point. Would have loved to shared pics about the beautiful day on the coast today but Brian forgot his camera and I left mine home thinking he'd have remebered his. Still a great day.

Now I am home and going to finish the last of the four new movies I bought and wait for my kids to come home. They are still with their dad.

To Latte or Not to Latte...

The kids are going to see Harry Potter tonight with their dad. I bought 4 new movies since I'll be spending the evening in. Or so I thought. Now Brian might be coming back down. He doesn't like it when I am all alone like that.

I am still feeling weird. Headache, stiff neck. I woke up this morning feeling for sure it was a sinus infection. My stomach is so crampy, though. My period isn't supposed to start until next week. Yes, I am premenstrual mood-wise, but I typically am not crampy, except maybe the day before or the first day of. I've had waves of nausea too. I don't really feel sick, I just feel like something just isn't quite right. I've had to pee A LOT too.

Today, I am really going to clean my room. I did get the majority of it done last week, but I still need to reorganize my bookshelves. I have two wall-to-ceiling ones and two mid-level bookshelves. They are filled with books and pictures of the kids, Brian and I and of course my precious little preschoolers! I think I have as many pictures of them as I have of my own kids! :) That year will always hold a very special spot in my life. Now I can't wait to be relocated and opening my own preschool! The more Brian and I talk about it, the sooner I see the plan becoming a reality. I still want $4000 or $5000 saved up before I start. Brian advised that that is a good idea. Having owned several of his own businesses, he said that when people start a business in the hole or dead even, they end up scrambling around trying to make ends meet. This subject came up because we were talking about my business plan and he said, "So start." And I said, "I can't until I have a couple of thousand saved up. I've given myself 3 years. I want to know that the business bills will be taken care of for a few months, without having to draw from the cash flow coming in each week. I want to be able to pay things out of that savings account, and then put money back in, as it comes in. That way, if someone is late with a payment, or if the daycare slots are full yet, I won't have to panic, because there will already be money in the bank for that purpose." I don't have a problem paying myself back. The reason I've given myself 3 years is because I have 3 separate accounts. One is my checking account. One is my savings that I strictly use for vacation purposes. This is my vacation account and under no circumstances do I withdraw money from this account, except at vacation time. By around each April, I have approximately $4000 saved up for the kids and I to take our big vacation and then a couple of long weekend vacations throughout the year. I also have started my business savings account. The sole purpose of this account is to save money for the daycare. I can only put in $50 here and there and so I expect it will be a much longer process to save up the 4 or 5 thousand. If I give up my latte habit and put that money into the account I would save $1248.30 a year!!! Even if I cut the habit to every other day, I would save over $600 a year. This is definitely something to consider.

Current Mood: pensive
Current Music: Christmas music

November 18, 2005

The dryer repair man can't finish the job until next week when the part I need comes in. He had to order the part. I'll live. Thank heavens my washing machine still works. We have a washer and dryer here at work, so on Monday, I'll bring in a load of washed towels so I can dry them. I already did a couple of loads of my clothes and clothes for the kids. We should be able to make due until midweek, at which time my dryer will be working! :)

Brian took me to lunch today. He had to go back to class and then he'll be coming back over here to help me at the office. He gave me one of his scanners at his office and is going to hook it up upstairs for me, so the kids can use it here over at the center. I don't know where we're going to supper tonight. I'm not really feeling well. I have had the chills all day and a slight sore throat. I've had a stiff neck going on like 2 months now. Some days it is better than others. I think it is mostly stress because last Saturday night/Sunday morning, while I was with Brian, my neck never hurt at all. By Monday morning, it was hurting worse than ever. I am also premenstrual.

Current Mood: tired and a little achey
Current Music: Let It Go........Godsword

So Here I Sit

I'm waiting for the Appliance Man to show up. He said noon. Hopefully it is a quick fix. I have gone a few days without my clothes dryer and it is driving me batty! It has definitely increased my anxiety not being able to do a load or two here and there.

Zach has a dr's appointment at 1:30. I have to pick up the girls at 2:30 and then off to the center. I have no idea what we are having for supper tonight. I haven't given it much thought.

I tried to sleep in this morning but after I woke up, instead of going back to sleep, the things I had to get done today kept going over and over in my mind. So by 8:30 I couldn't take it anymore and just got up. Got my latte, ran a few of my errands and picked up.

Current Mood: still tired...no time for a nap yet!
Current Music: Summer of '69..........Bryan Adams

Back at Work

My hours today-
8:30-11 AM
2:30-6 PM

6 hours total for today, on a day that is typically my "easy" day. Not no more!
I get to pick up a few things at Walmart after this!

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Sharp Dressed Man........ZZ Top

Two Whole Hours!

I have two whole hours to myself!!! I don't believe it! I am going to clean a little, so I don't have to do so much tomorrow. I don't have to be at work until about 3 tomorrow. Zach has a dr's appointment at 1 and we'll head to the center after that.

Is It Over Yet?

It is 3 PM and I am still functioning! The meeting this morning was good. I met some new people this morning, one who took my name and is friends with a woman who owns an indie film company here in Maine. She was quite impressed with some of the iMovies the kids here at the center have been filming, editing and burning on their own. She also takes her independent movie short Trap to schools and gives a little presentation about it. I think it might be neat if we could get her to come to the center. I think the kids would like to meet her. I also got to meet Bangor's newest Mayor.

Anyway, that is what the exciting news is around here. I am beyond tired and am on like my 4th cup of coffee.

EEEEK!

A typical long Monday. I am praying tomorrow goes by fast. I have to be at Rangeley Hall at EMCC tomorrow morning at 7:30 AM for a United Way board of directors meeting. We'll be having breakfast there, so that won't be so bad and we'll be done by 9:15. Then instead of going home, I get to go to the center and get things ready and organized for our preschool playgroup that Dawn and I are starting Wednesday mornings, 9-11. I need to be back in Old Town by 2 PM to get the kids and then head back to the center until 8. So my day will be long. 7:30 AM until 8 PM. Not looking forward to it because I can't really sleep in on Wednesday because of playgroup, so that means, I won't have any down time until Thursday morning.

I have been fighing a very crampy stomach today and a splitting headache. It was in the 60's today, so the warm air was quite welcome. I am so glad next week is Thanksgiving because I will have Thursday and Friday off.

Wonderful

Brian and I had an absolutely wonderful romantic night last night and day today. It was beautiful out so we took a nice drive to Greenville to check out Moosehead Lake and Squaw Mountain. We had dinner at the SeaDog, took a nice stroll along the waterfront and then went for a little drive and made out in the car for a LONG time! :) We also addressed the white elephant that has been haunting us for a few weeks. Brian and I agreed that at least this time we got through it without breaking up! Then we talked about getting older together and if I would stay with him if he ever got sick. I said of course! I told him that I knew he'd stay with me. He looked at me kind of funny and then said, "If someone told me tomorrow that you were going to die unless I traded my life for yours, it would be the fastest decision that would ever be made. That is how much I love you and how much you mean to me." Kind of morbid, I know, but it made me cry. Later in the evening, a song came on the radio and he sang to me and then he was crying. We spent the whole day together just laughing and talking. We didn't even listen to any cd's until the very last 20 minutes or so of the ride home. When he is like this, in this mood, and this loving, there could never be anyone else in the world for me. I am utterly and madly in love with him.

Current Mood: absolutely blissful, and I hope it lasts for a few days, at least!

Current Music: Just Remember I Love You............Firefall

Fun Afternoon

The baby shower was so much fun! Melanie and Sean's baby is absolutely adorable! They named him Henri. Too cute!! It was so good seeing Sarah! I forget how much I miss them all. They live in New Jersey so I don't get to see them often. Plus I got to play with my niece Gaby, who will be 2 in three weeks.

Now I am waiting for Brian. He should be here soon. We are going to have some supper and a few drinks at the Sea Dog and then I think I'll agree to let him check out Hollywood Slots. I wasn't impressed with it all that much when Eric, Allison and I went, but at least we can say we've been. I doubt Brian will be impressed with it either.

Baby Shower

Today is my cousin Sarah's baby shower. She is having a little girl. My sister is having a girl, too. Both of my brothers have a girl each. I have two girls and finally a BOY! My cousin Melanie did have a boy. He was born in July of this summer. They should be at the baby shower, so it will be good to see the two of them! It'll be as exciting as baby showers get, I suppose, but at least there will be lots of food! I still have to buy her a gift. I've got time. It isn't until 1 PM. Oh yeah, another good thing about this baby shower I just thought of, I'll see a bunch of family that I haven't seen since the last funeral! Scary to think about, but in 10 or 15 years, I'll be planning my daughters' baby showers! The older I get, the faster 10 years go by.

I seriously have to go get ready now. By the time I get done in the bathroom, get my latte and get to the store to buy a gift and then drive out to the lake to my grandparent's house, it'll be just about time for it to start.

Current Mood: pretty good
Current Music: Run Baby Run............Garbage

So This is Vacation

I'm not in a good mood this morning. Not quite sure why. I just woke up this way.

Things I am going to do today:

Clean my room.
Listen to music.
Email a few reports to the State House in Augusta as per my job requirement.
Hang out at the house and try to get in a better mood.


Tomorrow:

Go shopping for Sarah's baby shower gift.
Go to Sarah's baby shower.
Spend some time with my grandmother, aunts and cousins.

KFC Night

So I just ran a few errands. I bought toothpaste, shampoo, dog food, and a few groceries at Wal*Mart. It is now 7:02 PM and I am not sure what I want to do next. I was hoping the errands were going to take a bit longer. Zach is spending tomorrow night in Augusta with his friend Dakota and Dakota's parents. They are staying at a hotel with a pool, so Zach is excited.

The kids are singing Karaoke. That was the best present I think I bought them. It plays cds and plugs into the t.v. so you can see the words on something bigger than the little screens that come with some of the cheesy machines. They love the Grease karaoke cd we have.

Tonight for supper, we're having Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Current Mood: okay
Current Music: karaoke songs

Family Issues

I've had some extended family member issues brewing for some time. I don't want to say too much right now because some of them involved read this blog. Suffice it to say, the 18 year old directly involved will hopefully start getting the help she needs and deserves before too long.

I have a baby shower to go to on Saturday. I don't have to work tomorrow! YAY!!! I am glad I closed the center tonight. I think it pissed Claire off a little, but I need the break.

When I got home today, the kids had picked up the house. It looked nice when I got here.

I checked prices online today for skiing packages. Sunday River was supposed to be opened this weekend, but they got lots of rain, so it has been postponed. Hermon Mountain and Camden Snowbowl are pretty comparible in price. I can't wait to get out there and start skiing!!! Sugarloaf is offering an excellent deal for families every Sunday, starting in January. The kids and I are all psyched to get the season started!

I need to go grocery shopping tomorrow. I haven't decided what we're having for supper yet. Last night we had Spanish rice. The night before was Salisbury steak and chicken flavored rice and corn.

Don't you hate those weeks when you seem to run out of everything at once? Toothpaste, light bulbs, tampons, shampoo, dog food, etc...

Sweet Vacation

Just a mini one. A glorious 4-day weekend. Actually, I am going to work for a few hours in the office tomorrow, but when it is on my own terms, it doesn't really feel like work. I just have a couple of things to do on the computer. Theoretically, I could do that at home on my laptop, but the kids have a 4-day weekend too, so I am guessing a few hours at work will be what is needed.

I desperately need to go grocery shopping on Friday.

Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: Can't You See......Marshall Tucker Band

Shots, Stitches, Doctors

We waited an hour at the doctor's office only for Zach's doctor to tell us the stitches still haven't healed enough to take them out. She said it takes between 8-10 days for most kids, whereas adults usually take 3-5 days for facial stitches. While he was there, he got some of his shots up to date. He REALLY enjoyed that! :) Kind of funny that he's 11 1/2 now and still needs to hold my hand at shot time!

I got an email from Jim this morning. It was one of those forwards that are spiritual and uplifting and can make you cry. It was about a mother whose little boy died from cancer. She finds a letter he's written to her after. The forward was appropriate because I was kind of bitching about having to wait for an hour, not getting the stitches out, and the fact that now Zach has to miss another part of a day at school next week. The story reminded me of everything I have to be thankful for. Zach's crisis could be healed with a stitch. There wasn't a cure for her little boy. Anyway, the weird thing is that I haven't talked to Jim in about 3 weeks and Zach needed stitches on Friday, so he doesn't even know yet. I like coincidences like that.

Long Night

Tonight was a very long night. I'm glad to be home. I had meetings all morning and then at the center until 8 PM. We had a record number of kids tonight. I am exhausted. I am going to bed. I can sleep in a little tomorrow. Zach has an appointment to get his stitches out at 9:15 AM. Other than that, I only have to work 3 hours tomorrow. I am taking the night off from the center on Thursday and I have Friday off, too! I need it to recharge. I might go into the office for a few hours on Thursday, but I'm not doing anything major. Have I mentioned I absolutely ADORE my new volunteer, Dawn? She is fantastic. When I start my own daycare/preschool, she wants to work for me. Her 4 year old daughter Alayna hugged and kissed me and told me she loved me tonight before going home. She is such a cutie!

Brian called twice last night. Things seem to be back to normal for now. We'll see how tonight's call goes. He admitted to being an asshole last night. I don't think he thought I'd concur so readily. Ah well. I call 'em like I see 'em.

Michael Johnson emailed me out of the blue today. I haven't talked to him in over a year. I deleted it.

Well, this crankypants is turning into a pumkin. I need to get to bed.

Current Mood: headachey
Current Music: Feel Like Makin' Love.........Bad Company

Disturbing

I was reading some random blogs and came upon an older post in July 2005. It first caught my eye because the little girl shares the same last name as my son. Brian and I were so busy the 4th of July weekend, we really didn't catch a lot of the news, so it doesn't surprise me that we missed it. During the 4th weekend, a 7 year old little girl and her family were coming back from a wedding when the limo they were driving in was struck by a drunk driver. The little girl and the limo driver were pronounced dead on the scene. She had been the flower girl in her aunt's wedding just a few hours before. The most disturbing was that her mother sat on the side of the road cradling her daughter's severed head, while rescuers searched for her body in the wreckage. The drunk driver had a record of previous drinking and driving. He is now facing 25 years to life. I have no idea when the trial is or even if he's been convicted yet. This whole news article just made me sick to my stomach.

11/7/05

I'm having homeade cheeseburgers on my George Foreman grill. YUM!!!

I worked hard today. I have a coalition meeting tomorrow at 9 AM. The new volunteer Dawn has made work so much fun! She is so full of energy and ideas.

I haven't talked to Brian yet today, so I don't know how his mood is. We talked, like I said in my last post, yesterday afternoon and I was pretty upset after the call. After a good long cry, I went to bed early and read a little and watched some t.v. He called me last night which surprised me. I wasn't expecting to hear from him again that same day. This conversation was back to normal, no more white elephant, but that doesn't mean it won't be back. He asked me if I thought he was hard to get along with. I told him that when he is in one of his moods, he can be abrasive, pessimistic, disagreeable and argumentative. He asked why I spend so much time with him then and I told him it was because I loved him. He then asked if I thought he was a good companion. I reminded him that we spent the entire summer together when we weren't working and only had 2 days where we drove each other crazy. So yes, I find him a good companion most of the time...when he's not being abrasive, pessimistic, disagreeable, and argumentative. The winter is just getting started though, so buckle your seat belts boys and girls, this might be a bumpy ride.

A filmaker from Dublin commented on my last blog entry...how cool is that? I didn't check to see if it was spam. Hopefully not!

I had fun filling in my friends at work about the lively weekend I had. Lynette emailed me today to give me her new address and phone number. She should be having the baby pretty soon. I can't remember when her due date is, but I know it is near my sister's due date, which is January 5th. So I'll be a new auntie twice this year!

Current Mood: not bad for a Monday
Current Music: You Can Leave Your Hat On......Joe Cocker

Sunday Night

I talked with Brian a little while this afternoon. Things seemed fine, yet different. The white elephant seems to be hanging out in the room again. The elephant everyone can see yet no one remarks about. The one that always seems to make its appearance before Brian and I break up. I'm not going to be the one to do it this time. I was miserable without him, but his moods aren't easy to deal with. I hate it that the whole time I am seeing someone else, even if I am having fun with the person, I can't forget about Brian and I can't get past the fact that they aren't him. I was so happy this summer. I think that is what makes this even worse.

Sunday Morning

It is quiet without the kids around. It is 10 AM. I am just getting out of bed. I'm looking forward to my latte. I need to stop and get gas first, which is why I am not rushing right out the door. Sometimes even little things like that are hard to accomplish after a night out and upon first waking up. I haven't decided what I want to do today. I definitely need to do some of the maintanence chores around here. Sweep and mop. Laundry. Nothing terribly exciting. I really should reorganize my room. I definitely don't want to spend anymore money today! I had 4 new tires installed on my car yesterday and new brake pads. More than I wanted to spend, but at least I am all set for winter now. Allison came early to get her car. I was still in bed asleep, so I am assuming it was her!

Saturday Night Special

We started the night off with some appetizers at The Seadog and then Allison, Eric and I checked out Hollywood Slots tonight. Personally, I think it sucked ass. Lots of middle aged couples spending their nickels and dimes on slot machines. It drew a crowd similar to the one you would find at the bingo tent at the Bangor State Fair.

Then we went to Club Detour. Gay bar. It was okay. Eric and I went upstairs to play pool. A seemingly straight couple came in and proceeded to try to pick me up. We all stayed for awhile and had some drinks and danced a little. We then headed to the bar Carolina. I needed some straight people to hit on me. I was there maybe 5 minutes before a Ashton Kutcher look-alike came up to me and asked me to dance. We danced, he spilled some of his drink on my leg, and then proceeded to tell me that I don't know the things he can do to me to this song. He was all of maybe 23 or 24...puuuleeease!!! So all in all, a good night. At least I got hit on a few times...I can live on that for awhile.

Now, I am chatting with Eric for a minute and then I am going to beddie bye. It is 1 AM and I am finally getting tired. The kids are all gone tonight and it is just little old me. Maybe I'll even sleep in!!! :)

Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: On the Dark Side....John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band

Saturday

Brian has been a dink all week. Not on purpose, I guess, just one of these 'I'm so busy and things are just so crazy that I can't take 2 minutes to call you.' The fact is, he's NOT so busy and two Saturdays ago, he spent it laying on the couch in the office for 8 hours. Not sleeping. Not watching t.v. This time of year is when his depression hits the worst. He will start to come out of it in January or February. Almost exactly a year ago this week, we broke up for 3 months, so of course I have that in the back of my mind.

My stepdad is doing some maintanence on my car this morning. I'll be going there for a little while, then he is going to spend the day with Zach. Kayla is at my parent's right now. She spent the night. Hayley will probably be going shopping with me a bit this afternoon.

Tonight, Allison and I are going to check out the new Hollywood Slots that opened up this week. Neither one of us has ever gambled and neither do we have any real interest, but the place has been pretty packed and it looks like that is where everyone in town has been hanging out. Plus, we can at least say we've been there. After which, she is planning on dragging me to the bar Detour. An alternative club. A gay bar. Maybe we'll leave out the little detail that it wasn't a straight club with hoards of men hitting on me, when and if Brian calls tonight and I'm not home to answer his call.

Current Mood: grumpy
Current Music: All She Wants to do is Dance.....Don Henley...I know, I know, I said goodbye to him until March, but since I'm already feeling down, I figured What could it hurt?

November 4, 2005

This has been a crazy day. I did get to visit with some of the kids at the preschool, though, so that was a nice way to start my day. I had a meeting at work first thing and that went really well. I got a phone call at noon from my son's school, letting me know that he was being taken to the doctor's by my stepfather because he split his head open. He needed stitches. He's feeling better now.

November 3, 2005

I ran into one of my oldest friends today. We catch up when we see each other. She moves a lot, but we still always manage to keep in touch. Her middle daughter, Alex, has cancer and just finished up her last round of chemo. Val said it is looking good for her. The doctors haven't labled her terminal as of yet, so everyone is trying to stay hopeful. She was diagnosed over two years ago. Anyway, it was so good to see Val.

Tonight looks like it is going to be a long night. Last night felt long, and I was only there until 6. I think it is just because it gets dark so early now.

My sister's birthday is tomorrow. Thanksgiving is 3 weeks from today.

Nothing else to report.

Current Mood: kind of blah
Current Music: Thunderstruck........ACDC

I MISS BRIAN!!!

I am usually fine during the week, but today I've been really missing him.

Tomorrow, I am going to sleep in! I am going to run my errands and I am not going to work until 2:30! I promise!!

The kids are baking huge potatoes that Brian bought me. They are really, really huge!

Did I mention I really miss Brian?

Oh Well!

I went into work to check on a few things and ended up staying all morning! I had two meetings, I have one on Friday and one on Tuesday. I have next Friday off! YAY!

I finished reading a biography of Mary Lee, wife of Robert E. Lee. Learned lots of things I didn't know. Her father was raised by George Washington (he was adopted by him). The house in Arlington was HER family home and was stolen away during the Civil War because of the connection to General Lee. She was never to set foot in it again. She visited the grounds, but saw all of the graves after it became a national cemetery and told the driver to leave. It was a very good book. I am a big Civil War era buff. Not so much regarding the battles as much as the life at that time and incomprehensible idea of our nation divided and fighing against one another, especially the hardship on mothers and grandmother living in one of the border states, and having sons and grandsons on each side of the line. It remains the most devasting war in American history.

Well, I have to get Kayla at 2 and then head to the center.

Freaking Tired

I just want to spend a good portion of a day in bed! The weather was so nice last weekend, I would have felt guilty not making the most of it. The weeks are just flying by. I haven't talked to Jim in like 3 of them. Seems like I just picked up the camera from him, but I've had it in my possession for awhile. I go to work, get thru Monday and then the next thing I know, it is Friday again. I've been keeping my weekends pretty packed. I miss Brian like crazy right now.

Work is better. I really like everyone I work with. The problem? Not everyone likes everyone else. They all like me, but I'm new. They've been working together for like 9 years, and Claire and Carl are constantly at each other's throats, putting Iona in the middle and then they both tell me their stories of what is going on and I am sympathetic, but I stay neutral. Still, it is office politics and I've never liked that. I really like all of them and I just wish they'd just get along again. Claire and Carl used to be best friends. They had a huge falling out a few years ago and Claire tried to get Carl fired. She acts like it just happened yesterday. I've never met anyone who can hold a grudge like this. She is extremely bitter, overworked (because that is how she likes it), lonely, and needs a vacation. Carl has a good sense of humor and is always in a good mood, not terribly motivated, and is content spending his days ruining Claire's. They each spend the day writing memos to each other and our boss ABOUT each other.

Okay...I need a latte. I need to go to the bank. I need to go to Itty Bitty. I need to stop in at work. I need to buy dog food. Thankfully, today is my easy day today. 2 1/2 hours at the center.

Current Mood: still yawning
Current Music: Home.....Michael Buble

Great View

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Originally uploaded by jennluvsgable.

It was such a beautiful day Sunday!

From the Top

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Originally uploaded by jennluvsgable.

My sweet boy on top of Chick Hill. I love this picture.

Still in a Blogging Mood

Got my latte. I'm all awake now. Picking up a little around here. I am going to now go clean out my car, then I'll pick up the front lawn a little. I need to get to the store and buy toilet paper, paper towel, bleach and drop off my pictures at Wal*Mart. I also need a few groceries for the house, namely milk, bread, and the like. No big grocery shopping this week. I'll save it for the weekend.

Happy November

I can't believe it is November 1st! The year 2005 is almost over. Crazy! It seems like I've just recovered from New Year's Eve!!! Speaking along those lines, I only drank this year on New Year's and that rainy Tuesday in Laconia, N.H., when we had a little party and I finished off the Hot Damn all by myself and the Boca Luna (I still can't have any cinnamon products, not even gum, without feeling sick). I was one drink shy of taking off all of my clothes, so Brian carried me to the tent ( I have no recollection of this) where I came to. I peeked my head out of the tent and puked, then found Brian and said, "Honey, do we have a hose?" He hosed off the driveway, cleaned me up and took me for a long walk, after which, I was much more sober and solemn in my vow to NEVER drink again!!! Since then, I've had a glass of champagne, one beer, and two jack and cokes. Not even on the same day. I have no desire to ever be drunk again. I'm sure that will pass, but this has certainly been the longest I've gone without having a few. It just doesn't taste good to me anymore.

I'm really not motivated to get my day started. I'm supposed to go to Itty Bitty today, but I can just as easily do that tomorrow. I was asleep by 10 PM last night. I slept thru until 6. Got my required 8 in, but still dragging ass. Right now, even taking a shower and doing my hair seems like too much work.

The furnace guy will be here at 11. I heard the furnace for the first time today! It is set on low, so it won't be on consistently for another month (hopefully). The last time I heard the furnace was the day we left for April vacation to go to Virginia Beach. I never turned the heat back on when we got home from our trip. Hearing the sound of the furnace is like hearing the last nail being driven into Summer's coffin. Summer, for me, is from about late April until the very last few warm days of Autumn, like last weekend. Don't get me wrong, though, I do LOVE winter, too. Not as much as summer, but I put forth a good effort to stay active and get outside and enjoy the changed season. I love to ski, snowshoe, hike, go sledding, and snowmobiling. And this year, Brian said I can go plowing with him! :)


I desperately need coffee. The realization has just hit...Thanksgiving is in about 3 weeks!!! Yippee!!! Jennifer is back! The last few years, I have definitely dreaded the holidays. I'm looking forward to them again. I just checked the calendar...Thanksgiving is 3 weeks from Thursday. Christmas is in 7 weeks!!! My shopping countdown begins! My shopping now has a purpose!

Current Mood: slowly waking up
Current Music: Sunset Grill........Don Henley....He is hard to listen to in the Fall/Winter season. His songs remind me too much of summer and the beach, and it is too soon at the start of the winter season to be reminiscing about summer. I wouldn't last the long winter if I listened to Don everyday. Isn't it weird how music tastes can change with the seasons? Goodbye Don, see you in March.

Jenn and Baby Emily

Jenn and Baby Emily
Originally uploaded by jennluvsgable.

I was going thru old pics...everyone remember this one? Emily was the sweetest baby!!! Hopefully I will be able to see her tomorrow when I go to Itty Bitty.

Bailey

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Originally uploaded by jennluvsgable.

My sweet girl!

Maddie

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Originally uploaded by jennluvsgable.

Zach

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Originally uploaded by jennluvsgable.

Happy Halloween!

Just got back taking Zach trick or treating. Now I am going to pick up a little. I don't have to be at work until 3 tomorrow, but I have a million errands to do and the furnace guy is coming tomorrow to clean the furnace. I have to stop in at Itty Bitty so Jessie can sign a paper for me and tell her about a gourmet food party I am having, that she and Erica will be invited to. I have to run to the office and fax some stuff and then pick up the kids from school and head to work. The rest of the week will fly by and next thing I know, it will be Friday!

I went on my first out inspection today. That is an inspection of a unit after the family has moved. Disgusting is all I have to really say about that. I can't believe people can live like that, especially with small children. This particular family had 4 kids, ages 5 years-6 months. They left trash behind, the kids' toys and food in the fridge and on the counters. I guess this was actually a GOOD inspection!

The kids and I went to see Saw II last night. It was AWESOME!!! Almost as good as the first. Oh yes, there was blood! Lots of it. The movie theater was packed. It was good to see people out enjoying themselves.

Weekend News

This weekend was a blast. The kids and I enjoyed the haunted hayride Friday night. Last night, of course, was the big night with Bailey! Zach and I had a ball! He and Madison are absolutely adorable together. They played all night long, finally falling asleep together on the couch in the living room. Bailey of course fell asleep cuddled with me in the chair, but not before saying sleepily, "I think Sissy has herself a little boyfriend!" Very cute. Today, the kids and I went hiking. We took my bff allison. It was a lot of fun! We had a picnic on the top.

Now, I am going to bed. I am wiped out. It will be an early day tomorrow. I have to be at work by 8!

This is Easy!

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Originally uploaded by jennluvsgable.

The kids, Allison and I hiked up Chick Hill today. We had a wonderful time and the weather was absolutely gorgeous!

Carry Me

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Originally uploaded by jennluvsgable.

Zach almost to the top!

We Made It!

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Originally uploaded by jennluvsgable.

Zach and I on the summit of Chick Hill.

Going Up

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Originally uploaded by jennluvsgable.

Our hike up Chick Hill. This is Allison and Kayla on the way up.

My Flowers

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Originally uploaded by jennluvsgable.

The beautiful roses that Brian sent me last Monday. They are now almost fully bloomed.

Rednecks

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Originally uploaded by jennluvsgable.

I will have such beautiful grandchildren!!! :)

The Happy Couple

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Originally uploaded by jennluvsgable.

Zach and Madison

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Originally uploaded by jennluvsgable.

Cuddling with Bailey

Haunted Hayride

Last night was a blast! The funny thing about the haunted hayride is that while you KNOW people are going to jump out of the woods, screaming and shaking the cattle car, while you're in the middle of nowhere, you just DON'T KNOW when it is going to happen. Two guys were out there with chainsaws. Mind you, there is limited lighting in the woods, which makes everything just a tad bit scarier. My favorite part was when a big rig was waiting in the woods for us, and when we went by, turned on his lights and started chasing us, like in the movie Joyride, and man, can that tractor MOVE!!! The tractor was pulling the hayride. He took a corner going about 30 and the haybale seats were flying!!! I was right up front by the tractor wheels and got sprayed pretty good by the mud from the tires. It was awesome!

Tonight, I am babysitting Bailey and Madison. David and Karen are notorious for staying out until 2 or 3 AM, so this will be a long night. But last night, I just couldn't fall asleep. I was in bed by midnight and just laid there for what seemed like hours. I finally fell asleep and when I woke up this morning, it was 10:30 AM. This means trying to stay up until 2 tonight won't be as difficult as trying to do it while still on my 11 PM -7 AM sleep schedule.

Brian was in a down mood last night on the phone. He was happy to hear that the kids and I had fun, but his plans with Paul fell through. Paul switched shifts at work and stayed there until 8 and then his mother picked him up. I know Brian had been looking forward to hanging out with him. This morning he is working at that charity thing. He really wasn't happy that his sister roped him into it. I meant to call him this morning, but I never woke up!

ANYWAY, I have a million things to do.

Ashley and Jenn

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Originally uploaded by jennluvsgable.

Post-party! Still smiling, but we're wiped out!

Headless Tyler

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Originally uploaded by jennluvsgable.

He made this all by himself! Great job, Tyler!

Batman

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Originally uploaded by jennluvsgable.

Trying to score goodies at the Halloween party!

Halloween Party

Our Halloween party was a HUGE success! More kids than I've ever seen! :) Even Claire stopped by to join in the festivities. We had a donut eating contest, with donuts hanging on strings, apple bobbing, mummy making contest with toilet paper and karaoke and dancing! The haunted house was fabulous. Little kids were crying, but begging to go back down for a second trip through it! They knew it was just the big kids trying to scare them! It was fun. We had a ton of food.

I got a call at the center around 7:30 PM about a child being locked in a basement in one of the apartments in the area. The kid is 3 and has some behavior problems and another tenant called and complained that his parent locks him in the basement and they can hear him screaming. So my boss called me to go over and check it out and find out if she should call the police or not. I was thinking, What the F***? That isn't my job. I am not trained for a situation like this. If they lock a child in the basement that they supposedly LOVE, what the frig are they going to do to me? Of course, what I actually said was, "Sure, Claire, I'll go over and check things out." I knocked on the door. The mother asked who it was before even opening it. I said, "Jennifer, from Parkwoods." So she opened it. I told her that Claire got a complaint of a child crying and asked if I'd go over and check on things before she got there. She said that her child was tempermental and that everything was fine. I got back to the center and called Claire and she was headed over there with a police escort because the mother's boyfriend was in the house and he was in violation of the protection order she has against him. I'm thinking to myself, Claire is going over with POLICE and she sends me by myself. She's the social worker, not me. Brian is not going to like this when I tell him. Other than that little bit of drama, it was a great night.

I'll post pics tomorrow sometime. I am taking my three on the Haunted Hayride here in town tomorrow night! I'm looking forward to it.

Current Mood: so very tired
Current Music: Monster Mash, Flying Purple People Eater, Ghostbusters and Time Warp...Halloween Music Compilation