Tastefully Simple

My Tastefully Simple party is tonight after work. I have lots to cook to get ready for the party. It will be fun and yummy, but I really don't know what I was thinking planning it during a busy work week. I don't have time for these kind of parties anymore.

I'm going to keep a log of when I am feeling queasy. Last night, VERY bad. I thought for sure I was going to throw up. This morning, moderate to bad and I rolled over and fell back to sleep. Yesterday afternoon, moderate.

OMG

I am so flipping tired right now. It has been in incredibly long day. As frustrating as that is, at least I don't have extra time to drive myself crazy.

I have that Tastefully Simple party I am hosting tomorrow night after work. I don't know why I get myself into these things.

Right now, I am going to finish up some laundry and go to bed. I am sleeping in tomorrow, come hell or high water!!!

Well There

I'm relaxing for a minute catching up on some laundry. I went to my meeting this morning, which I had to be there for at 8 AM. I am working tonite until 8:30. The meeting ran long, over two hours. I have to pick up the kids in an hour. I have to pay some bills. Run to the grocery store and then head to the center.

Brian asked me two weeks ago if I'd lost more weight. He never notices anything like that and I hadn't weighed in for awhile, but I told him I didn't think so. Well, I am now wearing my 1st ever in about 16 years size 5's. This could be an explanation for my moodiness and irregular periods, but I am quite certain that weightloss only affects your period if you BMI goes below 14 or 12 or something. I am pretty certain I am no where near there and I am quite certain it isn't because I am exercising too much. Not once has my period been affected by overexercising. Not even when I was training for my triathlon.

Current Mood: maintaining
Current Music: Where is the music? I haven't listened to any for a few days.

There Will Be Lying

This is what was said to me at work today about tomorrow's staff meeting. I can hardly wait! At least it is entertaining. I, thankfully, have little to do with what the meeting is about.

I heard for the first time today a new psychological diagnosis. It is called bipolar II. It is characterized by more depression, with a few manic episodes, whereas with regular bipolar one bounces back and forth frequently and pretty evenly. I had to question the point of the second diagnosis. It is treated the same way as bipolar, depression, anxiety and ocd...antidepressants, therapy, exercise and diet...so why a new name? I think people seem to be on this kick of wanting a name for their problems. Of the 80 or so clients living in the transitional housing development where I work, 97% of them have at least one diagnosis, with over half of them dual-diagnoses. They are all popping pills, out of work, the majority on SSI or are getting SSDI, which is social security on one or more of their dependents, on welfare and/or collecting unemployment.

I sat in on a crisis meeting with a client who has been domestically abused. We had been made aware of the problem several months ago, but the woman at that time didn't want to do anything about it after reluctantly agreeing there was even a problem. So, surprise surprise, there was a physical altercation this weekend, with the husband being arrested and is presently sitting in jail awaiting $500 bail. The woman came in to sign her intent to vacate paperwork because she is moving back in with her parents. I had the opportunity to talk with her. Having been in a similar situation, I was able to advise her about the importance of maintaining a protection order, of not having any contact with him at all, about working with and listening to the victim's advocate and to not have the charges dropped against him.

I had the charges dropped against Mike one time. The first time. I took him back. I denied there was any problem. I made excuse after excuse about his behavior. The violence escalated. He moved out. He stalked me for months and I was forced to get a protection order. He knew my whole schedule, when I got out of work, where I worked, where I had class, when I went to the grocery store and I learned how to not park in a position where he could block me in. I switched my schedule all around and I traveled with friends whenever possible. The last straw was the night I woke up in the middle of the night. He was standing over me and watching me sleep. What woke me up was hearing him say that I would regret leaving him for the rest of my life. This was two years after he moved out. He just wouldn't let this go. I got the protection order and a few weeks later he was in my house again. This time breaking my computer, my tv, my digital camera, just tearing up my house. I had finally had enough and I went after him. I didn't care if I died in the process, but I was going to kill him. I remember my friend Allison pulling me off of him and I threw her off of me and went back at him. Desaraye had called the cops because she was downstairs hearing all of it, thinking I was the one getting beat on. The police came and I remember Mike sitting in the back of their car with a broken nose and a dislocated shoulder. I was sure I was going to be arrested because he was the one bleeding this time. The officer, Seth, said that I had a right to defend my home and the fact that I had a protection order meant that he wasn't supposed to be at my home or anywhere near me.

Anyway, I told this girl my story and I wished her luck. This is the first time the police have been involved with them. She swears she is done with him. I asked why she didn't get the protection order yet. She works, what is this going to do to their son, she is moving in with her parents and they'll protect her. Excuse after excuse, like me. I know in my gut she will take him back.

November 27, 2005

I was just reading my blog entries from the last year. I can say 2005 was way better than 2004. I hope 2006 and will be even better. I'm not crying anymore. Now I am just bitchy. The kids and I played Quiddler and Tri-Ominoes tonight. We had honey mustard chicken, candied sweet potatoes, stuffing, cranberry sauce and some pie we hadn't gotten to on Thanksgiving.

I've kept up this blog for a year. I am very proud of that. It has been one of the healthiest things I've ever done for myself. Plus I've made some new friends because of it!

I really need to get some sleep. I want to read a little before falling off. I can't believe I have to be at work at 8 AM tomorrow. I have really liked having the last 4 days off.

Where in the heck did THAT come from?

I completely flipped out on Brian last night. It wasn't over anything big, he was just nitpicking and normally I either ignore him, give it right back to him, or just tell him to bite the big one. WELL, instead of doing any of that, I just started crying and that escalated into a big downward spiral. After my emotional meltdown, he was like, "Is it that time of the month?" Well, honey, as a matter of fact, we have to talk about that. I had my period and it stopped and then it started for about two hours, then it stopped again. I've been crying on and off today for NO REASON. Last night, I honestly felt like I was losing my mind. I'm quite certain this is all hormonal, though I'm feeling better right at this particular moment.

Ornament Rich

I remember my first Christmas in my own house. I remember being a little ornament poor. I really miss those days! Decorating is SO overwhelming now. I am sitting here, with the tree up, lights and garland on and I am ready to quit! I don't even want to put up the million ornaments I've accumulated over the last 16 years. I remember feeling this way every year. What I don't remember is actually how I get from this point to the tree all done point. I think I just sit here and blog and wait for the little tree decorating elves to come in and do their thing. I still have 4 totes that I have yet to go through. In them are the years of ornaments I accrued and all of my houses that light up and make a snowy village. I thought it would be cute to start collecting them years ago. Yeah, real flipping cute! My village is now a city. Don't even get me started on the entry way and stairway. That might even be another day. I do have our stockings up. I have a 4 year old little helper. My niece Alexis is here.

I am curious why a month or two ago I couldn't WAIT to get started with the Christmas season! After the shopping today and the mess in my living room and the chaos of Thanksgiving yesterday...I am ready for SUMMER! :) The lazy days of Brian and I biking all over without much to care about.

Current Mood: anticipating return of tree decorating elf helpers
Current Music: Grandma got Run Over by a Reindeer

Happy Black Friday!!!

Well, I am feeling a lot better. I'm pretty sure I'm not pregnant, but I'll give that another week or two before taking any kind of test.

Brian and I spent Thanksgiving at his sister's house down in Portland. His other two sisters, Jennifer and Sarah were there with their husbands and children. It was a very nice time. I really really love his family. There were 20 people there for Thanksgiving dinner. The food was great and the company was even better.

The girls and I did some Christmas shopping this morning. Now we're home, relaxing a little. I think we're going to put up the tree and then try to head back out to do some more shopping! I say "TRY" because we're being infiltrated with shopping Canadians!

Current Mood: quite festive
Current Music: We Wish You a Merry Christmas

Freaked

Okay, I am officially freaked out now. My "period" has now come to a stop. Not even 24 hours. The only time something even close to this has occured, has been when I am pregnant. Can stress stop a period, mid-period? What is fun to think about in theory (like I wonder what our kids would look like ) isn't so much fun when it could be a reality. Not to mention, the other options if it isn't pregnancy aren't any better. It could be a cyst, a tumor, though these two things tend to increase bleeding, some kind of cancer, early menopause or even pre-menopause. It could be stress, my diet, or both. I could have hyper or hypo-thyroidism, though I haven't gained any weight, and my weightloss seems to have slowed. I've Googled all of my symptoms and the FIRST thing that keeps coming up is 'Signs of Early Pregnancy'...even before a missed period.

I also Googled the incidence of pregnancies after vasectomies and THOUSANDS of women are in this predicament. The only ones that seem to say the incidence is low are the doctors performing the surgeries. Being intelligent, I could surmise that most doctors offering this as a form of birth control are not going to advertise high failure rates.

I am now a complete emotional wreck.

Tanya asked if I could be pregnant. Honestly, the thought has crossed my mind, not to mention the fact that Brian has been talking a lot about having a baby, but it would be highly unlikely. Brian had a vasectomy like 6 or 7 years ago. However, I recently found out that he never went back to have his sperm count retested after the procedure. I also recently found out that vasectomies can "heal" themselves after a couple of years, leading to lots of pregnant women out there thinking they couldn't get pregnant. Neither one of us are opposed to the idea and I found one freaky website that suggests that your mind has the power to get you pregnant...for instance, one must reconfirm monthly "I do or do not want to get pregnant this month" and supposedly, your body will listen, suggesting that your latent desire to get pregnant may override your overt use of contraceptives. That seems a little too voodoo for me.

These are the facts:

I have been extremely tired the last few weeks. (+)
I've had headaches. (+)
Brian has had a vasectomy. (-)
We did do it during my most fertile time. (+)
I've had to pee frequently. (+)
My boobs hurt. (+)
I'm having severe lower back pain and cramping, which I don't typically have. (+) or (-)
I've been extremely irregular the last 2 cycles, and for the last 20 years, you could set a clock to my cycle.
I have been feeling very dizzy. (+)
I've been feeling very queasy. (+)

Every time I have been pregnant, I've had like a "mini" period, which leads me to think I am not pregnant, and then the next month I skip it completely. I've recently found out that that is very common and is called implantation bleeding. I'm always relieved because it appears to have started, but I also notice that it isn't as heavy as usual and I usually finish up a day earlier than usual. I usually am VERY heavy for the first 24 hours, so any kind of deviance from this routine is very obvious. The fact that I am just spotting right now and not flowing heavy has me a little freaked.

I could also be going thru early menapause. This would be as unlikely as me getting pregnant by Brian. If this spotting doesn't get a little heavier in the next day, I am making an appointment.

Okay

This queasiness has got to stop. Even though I had such a fantastic weekend with Brian, Saturday night, after we fell asleep, I kept waking up because my stomach was killing me. Sunday it wasn't so bad and last night I felt like I was over whatever this bug is, except that I was still having some pretty bad cramping. I woke up this morning feeling queasy again. I am taking the day off from work.

Another Wonderful Sunday

Brian got here about 6 PM last night and we went to dinner at this fabulous restaurant downtown. We both agreed it was probably the best meal we've had in 2005! I had two glasses of red wine, he had two glasses of white and then we went to Club Detour to play some pool. I had another drink there and a jello shot, and he had a couple of beers and then we went back to the hotel. Today we had breakfast at a cafe downtown Ellsworth and took a drive to Schoodic Point. Would have loved to shared pics about the beautiful day on the coast today but Brian forgot his camera and I left mine home thinking he'd have remebered his. Still a great day.

Now I am home and going to finish the last of the four new movies I bought and wait for my kids to come home. They are still with their dad.

To Latte or Not to Latte...

The kids are going to see Harry Potter tonight with their dad. I bought 4 new movies since I'll be spending the evening in. Or so I thought. Now Brian might be coming back down. He doesn't like it when I am all alone like that.

I am still feeling weird. Headache, stiff neck. I woke up this morning feeling for sure it was a sinus infection. My stomach is so crampy, though. My period isn't supposed to start until next week. Yes, I am premenstrual mood-wise, but I typically am not crampy, except maybe the day before or the first day of. I've had waves of nausea too. I don't really feel sick, I just feel like something just isn't quite right. I've had to pee A LOT too.

Today, I am really going to clean my room. I did get the majority of it done last week, but I still need to reorganize my bookshelves. I have two wall-to-ceiling ones and two mid-level bookshelves. They are filled with books and pictures of the kids, Brian and I and of course my precious little preschoolers! I think I have as many pictures of them as I have of my own kids! :) That year will always hold a very special spot in my life. Now I can't wait to be relocated and opening my own preschool! The more Brian and I talk about it, the sooner I see the plan becoming a reality. I still want $4000 or $5000 saved up before I start. Brian advised that that is a good idea. Having owned several of his own businesses, he said that when people start a business in the hole or dead even, they end up scrambling around trying to make ends meet. This subject came up because we were talking about my business plan and he said, "So start." And I said, "I can't until I have a couple of thousand saved up. I've given myself 3 years. I want to know that the business bills will be taken care of for a few months, without having to draw from the cash flow coming in each week. I want to be able to pay things out of that savings account, and then put money back in, as it comes in. That way, if someone is late with a payment, or if the daycare slots are full yet, I won't have to panic, because there will already be money in the bank for that purpose." I don't have a problem paying myself back. The reason I've given myself 3 years is because I have 3 separate accounts. One is my checking account. One is my savings that I strictly use for vacation purposes. This is my vacation account and under no circumstances do I withdraw money from this account, except at vacation time. By around each April, I have approximately $4000 saved up for the kids and I to take our big vacation and then a couple of long weekend vacations throughout the year. I also have started my business savings account. The sole purpose of this account is to save money for the daycare. I can only put in $50 here and there and so I expect it will be a much longer process to save up the 4 or 5 thousand. If I give up my latte habit and put that money into the account I would save $1248.30 a year!!! Even if I cut the habit to every other day, I would save over $600 a year. This is definitely something to consider.

Current Mood: pensive
Current Music: Christmas music

November 18, 2005

The dryer repair man can't finish the job until next week when the part I need comes in. He had to order the part. I'll live. Thank heavens my washing machine still works. We have a washer and dryer here at work, so on Monday, I'll bring in a load of washed towels so I can dry them. I already did a couple of loads of my clothes and clothes for the kids. We should be able to make due until midweek, at which time my dryer will be working! :)

Brian took me to lunch today. He had to go back to class and then he'll be coming back over here to help me at the office. He gave me one of his scanners at his office and is going to hook it up upstairs for me, so the kids can use it here over at the center. I don't know where we're going to supper tonight. I'm not really feeling well. I have had the chills all day and a slight sore throat. I've had a stiff neck going on like 2 months now. Some days it is better than others. I think it is mostly stress because last Saturday night/Sunday morning, while I was with Brian, my neck never hurt at all. By Monday morning, it was hurting worse than ever. I am also premenstrual.

Current Mood: tired and a little achey
Current Music: Let It Go........Godsword

So Here I Sit

I'm waiting for the Appliance Man to show up. He said noon. Hopefully it is a quick fix. I have gone a few days without my clothes dryer and it is driving me batty! It has definitely increased my anxiety not being able to do a load or two here and there.

Zach has a dr's appointment at 1:30. I have to pick up the girls at 2:30 and then off to the center. I have no idea what we are having for supper tonight. I haven't given it much thought.

I tried to sleep in this morning but after I woke up, instead of going back to sleep, the things I had to get done today kept going over and over in my mind. So by 8:30 I couldn't take it anymore and just got up. Got my latte, ran a few of my errands and picked up.

Current Mood: still tired...no time for a nap yet!
Current Music: Summer of '69..........Bryan Adams

Back at Work

My hours today-
8:30-11 AM
2:30-6 PM

6 hours total for today, on a day that is typically my "easy" day. Not no more!
I get to pick up a few things at Walmart after this!

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Sharp Dressed Man........ZZ Top

Two Whole Hours!

I have two whole hours to myself!!! I don't believe it! I am going to clean a little, so I don't have to do so much tomorrow. I don't have to be at work until about 3 tomorrow. Zach has a dr's appointment at 1 and we'll head to the center after that.

Is It Over Yet?

It is 3 PM and I am still functioning! The meeting this morning was good. I met some new people this morning, one who took my name and is friends with a woman who owns an indie film company here in Maine. She was quite impressed with some of the iMovies the kids here at the center have been filming, editing and burning on their own. She also takes her independent movie short Trap to schools and gives a little presentation about it. I think it might be neat if we could get her to come to the center. I think the kids would like to meet her. I also got to meet Bangor's newest Mayor.

Anyway, that is what the exciting news is around here. I am beyond tired and am on like my 4th cup of coffee.

EEEEK!

A typical long Monday. I am praying tomorrow goes by fast. I have to be at Rangeley Hall at EMCC tomorrow morning at 7:30 AM for a United Way board of directors meeting. We'll be having breakfast there, so that won't be so bad and we'll be done by 9:15. Then instead of going home, I get to go to the center and get things ready and organized for our preschool playgroup that Dawn and I are starting Wednesday mornings, 9-11. I need to be back in Old Town by 2 PM to get the kids and then head back to the center until 8. So my day will be long. 7:30 AM until 8 PM. Not looking forward to it because I can't really sleep in on Wednesday because of playgroup, so that means, I won't have any down time until Thursday morning.

I have been fighing a very crampy stomach today and a splitting headache. It was in the 60's today, so the warm air was quite welcome. I am so glad next week is Thanksgiving because I will have Thursday and Friday off.

Wonderful

Brian and I had an absolutely wonderful romantic night last night and day today. It was beautiful out so we took a nice drive to Greenville to check out Moosehead Lake and Squaw Mountain. We had dinner at the SeaDog, took a nice stroll along the waterfront and then went for a little drive and made out in the car for a LONG time! :) We also addressed the white elephant that has been haunting us for a few weeks. Brian and I agreed that at least this time we got through it without breaking up! Then we talked about getting older together and if I would stay with him if he ever got sick. I said of course! I told him that I knew he'd stay with me. He looked at me kind of funny and then said, "If someone told me tomorrow that you were going to die unless I traded my life for yours, it would be the fastest decision that would ever be made. That is how much I love you and how much you mean to me." Kind of morbid, I know, but it made me cry. Later in the evening, a song came on the radio and he sang to me and then he was crying. We spent the whole day together just laughing and talking. We didn't even listen to any cd's until the very last 20 minutes or so of the ride home. When he is like this, in this mood, and this loving, there could never be anyone else in the world for me. I am utterly and madly in love with him.

Current Mood: absolutely blissful, and I hope it lasts for a few days, at least!

Current Music: Just Remember I Love You............Firefall

Fun Afternoon

The baby shower was so much fun! Melanie and Sean's baby is absolutely adorable! They named him Henri. Too cute!! It was so good seeing Sarah! I forget how much I miss them all. They live in New Jersey so I don't get to see them often. Plus I got to play with my niece Gaby, who will be 2 in three weeks.

Now I am waiting for Brian. He should be here soon. We are going to have some supper and a few drinks at the Sea Dog and then I think I'll agree to let him check out Hollywood Slots. I wasn't impressed with it all that much when Eric, Allison and I went, but at least we can say we've been. I doubt Brian will be impressed with it either.

Baby Shower

Today is my cousin Sarah's baby shower. She is having a little girl. My sister is having a girl, too. Both of my brothers have a girl each. I have two girls and finally a BOY! My cousin Melanie did have a boy. He was born in July of this summer. They should be at the baby shower, so it will be good to see the two of them! It'll be as exciting as baby showers get, I suppose, but at least there will be lots of food! I still have to buy her a gift. I've got time. It isn't until 1 PM. Oh yeah, another good thing about this baby shower I just thought of, I'll see a bunch of family that I haven't seen since the last funeral! Scary to think about, but in 10 or 15 years, I'll be planning my daughters' baby showers! The older I get, the faster 10 years go by.

I seriously have to go get ready now. By the time I get done in the bathroom, get my latte and get to the store to buy a gift and then drive out to the lake to my grandparent's house, it'll be just about time for it to start.

Current Mood: pretty good
Current Music: Run Baby Run............Garbage

So This is Vacation

I'm not in a good mood this morning. Not quite sure why. I just woke up this way.

Things I am going to do today:

Clean my room.
Listen to music.
Email a few reports to the State House in Augusta as per my job requirement.
Hang out at the house and try to get in a better mood.


Tomorrow:

Go shopping for Sarah's baby shower gift.
Go to Sarah's baby shower.
Spend some time with my grandmother, aunts and cousins.

KFC Night

So I just ran a few errands. I bought toothpaste, shampoo, dog food, and a few groceries at Wal*Mart. It is now 7:02 PM and I am not sure what I want to do next. I was hoping the errands were going to take a bit longer. Zach is spending tomorrow night in Augusta with his friend Dakota and Dakota's parents. They are staying at a hotel with a pool, so Zach is excited.

The kids are singing Karaoke. That was the best present I think I bought them. It plays cds and plugs into the t.v. so you can see the words on something bigger than the little screens that come with some of the cheesy machines. They love the Grease karaoke cd we have.

Tonight for supper, we're having Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Current Mood: okay
Current Music: karaoke songs

Family Issues

I've had some extended family member issues brewing for some time. I don't want to say too much right now because some of them involved read this blog. Suffice it to say, the 18 year old directly involved will hopefully start getting the help she needs and deserves before too long.

I have a baby shower to go to on Saturday. I don't have to work tomorrow! YAY!!! I am glad I closed the center tonight. I think it pissed Claire off a little, but I need the break.

When I got home today, the kids had picked up the house. It looked nice when I got here.

I checked prices online today for skiing packages. Sunday River was supposed to be opened this weekend, but they got lots of rain, so it has been postponed. Hermon Mountain and Camden Snowbowl are pretty comparible in price. I can't wait to get out there and start skiing!!! Sugarloaf is offering an excellent deal for families every Sunday, starting in January. The kids and I are all psyched to get the season started!

I need to go grocery shopping tomorrow. I haven't decided what we're having for supper yet. Last night we had Spanish rice. The night before was Salisbury steak and chicken flavored rice and corn.

Don't you hate those weeks when you seem to run out of everything at once? Toothpaste, light bulbs, tampons, shampoo, dog food, etc...

Sweet Vacation

Just a mini one. A glorious 4-day weekend. Actually, I am going to work for a few hours in the office tomorrow, but when it is on my own terms, it doesn't really feel like work. I just have a couple of things to do on the computer. Theoretically, I could do that at home on my laptop, but the kids have a 4-day weekend too, so I am guessing a few hours at work will be what is needed.

I desperately need to go grocery shopping on Friday.

Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: Can't You See......Marshall Tucker Band

Shots, Stitches, Doctors

We waited an hour at the doctor's office only for Zach's doctor to tell us the stitches still haven't healed enough to take them out. She said it takes between 8-10 days for most kids, whereas adults usually take 3-5 days for facial stitches. While he was there, he got some of his shots up to date. He REALLY enjoyed that! :) Kind of funny that he's 11 1/2 now and still needs to hold my hand at shot time!

I got an email from Jim this morning. It was one of those forwards that are spiritual and uplifting and can make you cry. It was about a mother whose little boy died from cancer. She finds a letter he's written to her after. The forward was appropriate because I was kind of bitching about having to wait for an hour, not getting the stitches out, and the fact that now Zach has to miss another part of a day at school next week. The story reminded me of everything I have to be thankful for. Zach's crisis could be healed with a stitch. There wasn't a cure for her little boy. Anyway, the weird thing is that I haven't talked to Jim in about 3 weeks and Zach needed stitches on Friday, so he doesn't even know yet. I like coincidences like that.

Long Night

Tonight was a very long night. I'm glad to be home. I had meetings all morning and then at the center until 8 PM. We had a record number of kids tonight. I am exhausted. I am going to bed. I can sleep in a little tomorrow. Zach has an appointment to get his stitches out at 9:15 AM. Other than that, I only have to work 3 hours tomorrow. I am taking the night off from the center on Thursday and I have Friday off, too! I need it to recharge. I might go into the office for a few hours on Thursday, but I'm not doing anything major. Have I mentioned I absolutely ADORE my new volunteer, Dawn? She is fantastic. When I start my own daycare/preschool, she wants to work for me. Her 4 year old daughter Alayna hugged and kissed me and told me she loved me tonight before going home. She is such a cutie!

Brian called twice last night. Things seem to be back to normal for now. We'll see how tonight's call goes. He admitted to being an asshole last night. I don't think he thought I'd concur so readily. Ah well. I call 'em like I see 'em.

Michael Johnson emailed me out of the blue today. I haven't talked to him in over a year. I deleted it.

Well, this crankypants is turning into a pumkin. I need to get to bed.

Current Mood: headachey
Current Music: Feel Like Makin' Love.........Bad Company

Disturbing

I was reading some random blogs and came upon an older post in July 2005. It first caught my eye because the little girl shares the same last name as my son. Brian and I were so busy the 4th of July weekend, we really didn't catch a lot of the news, so it doesn't surprise me that we missed it. During the 4th weekend, a 7 year old little girl and her family were coming back from a wedding when the limo they were driving in was struck by a drunk driver. The little girl and the limo driver were pronounced dead on the scene. She had been the flower girl in her aunt's wedding just a few hours before. The most disturbing was that her mother sat on the side of the road cradling her daughter's severed head, while rescuers searched for her body in the wreckage. The drunk driver had a record of previous drinking and driving. He is now facing 25 years to life. I have no idea when the trial is or even if he's been convicted yet. This whole news article just made me sick to my stomach.

11/7/05

I'm having homeade cheeseburgers on my George Foreman grill. YUM!!!

I worked hard today. I have a coalition meeting tomorrow at 9 AM. The new volunteer Dawn has made work so much fun! She is so full of energy and ideas.

I haven't talked to Brian yet today, so I don't know how his mood is. We talked, like I said in my last post, yesterday afternoon and I was pretty upset after the call. After a good long cry, I went to bed early and read a little and watched some t.v. He called me last night which surprised me. I wasn't expecting to hear from him again that same day. This conversation was back to normal, no more white elephant, but that doesn't mean it won't be back. He asked me if I thought he was hard to get along with. I told him that when he is in one of his moods, he can be abrasive, pessimistic, disagreeable and argumentative. He asked why I spend so much time with him then and I told him it was because I loved him. He then asked if I thought he was a good companion. I reminded him that we spent the entire summer together when we weren't working and only had 2 days where we drove each other crazy. So yes, I find him a good companion most of the time...when he's not being abrasive, pessimistic, disagreeable, and argumentative. The winter is just getting started though, so buckle your seat belts boys and girls, this might be a bumpy ride.

A filmaker from Dublin commented on my last blog entry...how cool is that? I didn't check to see if it was spam. Hopefully not!

I had fun filling in my friends at work about the lively weekend I had. Lynette emailed me today to give me her new address and phone number. She should be having the baby pretty soon. I can't remember when her due date is, but I know it is near my sister's due date, which is January 5th. So I'll be a new auntie twice this year!

Current Mood: not bad for a Monday
Current Music: You Can Leave Your Hat On......Joe Cocker

Sunday Night

I talked with Brian a little while this afternoon. Things seemed fine, yet different. The white elephant seems to be hanging out in the room again. The elephant everyone can see yet no one remarks about. The one that always seems to make its appearance before Brian and I break up. I'm not going to be the one to do it this time. I was miserable without him, but his moods aren't easy to deal with. I hate it that the whole time I am seeing someone else, even if I am having fun with the person, I can't forget about Brian and I can't get past the fact that they aren't him. I was so happy this summer. I think that is what makes this even worse.

Sunday Morning

It is quiet without the kids around. It is 10 AM. I am just getting out of bed. I'm looking forward to my latte. I need to stop and get gas first, which is why I am not rushing right out the door. Sometimes even little things like that are hard to accomplish after a night out and upon first waking up. I haven't decided what I want to do today. I definitely need to do some of the maintanence chores around here. Sweep and mop. Laundry. Nothing terribly exciting. I really should reorganize my room. I definitely don't want to spend anymore money today! I had 4 new tires installed on my car yesterday and new brake pads. More than I wanted to spend, but at least I am all set for winter now. Allison came early to get her car. I was still in bed asleep, so I am assuming it was her!

Saturday Night Special

We started the night off with some appetizers at The Seadog and then Allison, Eric and I checked out Hollywood Slots tonight. Personally, I think it sucked ass. Lots of middle aged couples spending their nickels and dimes on slot machines. It drew a crowd similar to the one you would find at the bingo tent at the Bangor State Fair.

Then we went to Club Detour. Gay bar. It was okay. Eric and I went upstairs to play pool. A seemingly straight couple came in and proceeded to try to pick me up. We all stayed for awhile and had some drinks and danced a little. We then headed to the bar Carolina. I needed some straight people to hit on me. I was there maybe 5 minutes before a Ashton Kutcher look-alike came up to me and asked me to dance. We danced, he spilled some of his drink on my leg, and then proceeded to tell me that I don't know the things he can do to me to this song. He was all of maybe 23 or 24...puuuleeease!!! So all in all, a good night. At least I got hit on a few times...I can live on that for awhile.

Now, I am chatting with Eric for a minute and then I am going to beddie bye. It is 1 AM and I am finally getting tired. The kids are all gone tonight and it is just little old me. Maybe I'll even sleep in!!! :)

Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: On the Dark Side....John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band

Saturday

Brian has been a dink all week. Not on purpose, I guess, just one of these 'I'm so busy and things are just so crazy that I can't take 2 minutes to call you.' The fact is, he's NOT so busy and two Saturdays ago, he spent it laying on the couch in the office for 8 hours. Not sleeping. Not watching t.v. This time of year is when his depression hits the worst. He will start to come out of it in January or February. Almost exactly a year ago this week, we broke up for 3 months, so of course I have that in the back of my mind.

My stepdad is doing some maintanence on my car this morning. I'll be going there for a little while, then he is going to spend the day with Zach. Kayla is at my parent's right now. She spent the night. Hayley will probably be going shopping with me a bit this afternoon.

Tonight, Allison and I are going to check out the new Hollywood Slots that opened up this week. Neither one of us has ever gambled and neither do we have any real interest, but the place has been pretty packed and it looks like that is where everyone in town has been hanging out. Plus, we can at least say we've been there. After which, she is planning on dragging me to the bar Detour. An alternative club. A gay bar. Maybe we'll leave out the little detail that it wasn't a straight club with hoards of men hitting on me, when and if Brian calls tonight and I'm not home to answer his call.

Current Mood: grumpy
Current Music: All She Wants to do is Dance.....Don Henley...I know, I know, I said goodbye to him until March, but since I'm already feeling down, I figured What could it hurt?

November 4, 2005

This has been a crazy day. I did get to visit with some of the kids at the preschool, though, so that was a nice way to start my day. I had a meeting at work first thing and that went really well. I got a phone call at noon from my son's school, letting me know that he was being taken to the doctor's by my stepfather because he split his head open. He needed stitches. He's feeling better now.

November 3, 2005

I ran into one of my oldest friends today. We catch up when we see each other. She moves a lot, but we still always manage to keep in touch. Her middle daughter, Alex, has cancer and just finished up her last round of chemo. Val said it is looking good for her. The doctors haven't labled her terminal as of yet, so everyone is trying to stay hopeful. She was diagnosed over two years ago. Anyway, it was so good to see Val.

Tonight looks like it is going to be a long night. Last night felt long, and I was only there until 6. I think it is just because it gets dark so early now.

My sister's birthday is tomorrow. Thanksgiving is 3 weeks from today.

Nothing else to report.

Current Mood: kind of blah
Current Music: Thunderstruck........ACDC

I MISS BRIAN!!!

I am usually fine during the week, but today I've been really missing him.

Tomorrow, I am going to sleep in! I am going to run my errands and I am not going to work until 2:30! I promise!!

The kids are baking huge potatoes that Brian bought me. They are really, really huge!

Did I mention I really miss Brian?

Oh Well!

I went into work to check on a few things and ended up staying all morning! I had two meetings, I have one on Friday and one on Tuesday. I have next Friday off! YAY!

I finished reading a biography of Mary Lee, wife of Robert E. Lee. Learned lots of things I didn't know. Her father was raised by George Washington (he was adopted by him). The house in Arlington was HER family home and was stolen away during the Civil War because of the connection to General Lee. She was never to set foot in it again. She visited the grounds, but saw all of the graves after it became a national cemetery and told the driver to leave. It was a very good book. I am a big Civil War era buff. Not so much regarding the battles as much as the life at that time and incomprehensible idea of our nation divided and fighing against one another, especially the hardship on mothers and grandmother living in one of the border states, and having sons and grandsons on each side of the line. It remains the most devasting war in American history.

Well, I have to get Kayla at 2 and then head to the center.

Freaking Tired

I just want to spend a good portion of a day in bed! The weather was so nice last weekend, I would have felt guilty not making the most of it. The weeks are just flying by. I haven't talked to Jim in like 3 of them. Seems like I just picked up the camera from him, but I've had it in my possession for awhile. I go to work, get thru Monday and then the next thing I know, it is Friday again. I've been keeping my weekends pretty packed. I miss Brian like crazy right now.

Work is better. I really like everyone I work with. The problem? Not everyone likes everyone else. They all like me, but I'm new. They've been working together for like 9 years, and Claire and Carl are constantly at each other's throats, putting Iona in the middle and then they both tell me their stories of what is going on and I am sympathetic, but I stay neutral. Still, it is office politics and I've never liked that. I really like all of them and I just wish they'd just get along again. Claire and Carl used to be best friends. They had a huge falling out a few years ago and Claire tried to get Carl fired. She acts like it just happened yesterday. I've never met anyone who can hold a grudge like this. She is extremely bitter, overworked (because that is how she likes it), lonely, and needs a vacation. Carl has a good sense of humor and is always in a good mood, not terribly motivated, and is content spending his days ruining Claire's. They each spend the day writing memos to each other and our boss ABOUT each other.

Okay...I need a latte. I need to go to the bank. I need to go to Itty Bitty. I need to stop in at work. I need to buy dog food. Thankfully, today is my easy day today. 2 1/2 hours at the center.

Current Mood: still yawning
Current Music: Home.....Michael Buble

Great View

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Originally uploaded by jennluvsgable.

It was such a beautiful day Sunday!

From the Top

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Originally uploaded by jennluvsgable.

My sweet boy on top of Chick Hill. I love this picture.

Still in a Blogging Mood

Got my latte. I'm all awake now. Picking up a little around here. I am going to now go clean out my car, then I'll pick up the front lawn a little. I need to get to the store and buy toilet paper, paper towel, bleach and drop off my pictures at Wal*Mart. I also need a few groceries for the house, namely milk, bread, and the like. No big grocery shopping this week. I'll save it for the weekend.

Happy November

I can't believe it is November 1st! The year 2005 is almost over. Crazy! It seems like I've just recovered from New Year's Eve!!! Speaking along those lines, I only drank this year on New Year's and that rainy Tuesday in Laconia, N.H., when we had a little party and I finished off the Hot Damn all by myself and the Boca Luna (I still can't have any cinnamon products, not even gum, without feeling sick). I was one drink shy of taking off all of my clothes, so Brian carried me to the tent ( I have no recollection of this) where I came to. I peeked my head out of the tent and puked, then found Brian and said, "Honey, do we have a hose?" He hosed off the driveway, cleaned me up and took me for a long walk, after which, I was much more sober and solemn in my vow to NEVER drink again!!! Since then, I've had a glass of champagne, one beer, and two jack and cokes. Not even on the same day. I have no desire to ever be drunk again. I'm sure that will pass, but this has certainly been the longest I've gone without having a few. It just doesn't taste good to me anymore.

I'm really not motivated to get my day started. I'm supposed to go to Itty Bitty today, but I can just as easily do that tomorrow. I was asleep by 10 PM last night. I slept thru until 6. Got my required 8 in, but still dragging ass. Right now, even taking a shower and doing my hair seems like too much work.

The furnace guy will be here at 11. I heard the furnace for the first time today! It is set on low, so it won't be on consistently for another month (hopefully). The last time I heard the furnace was the day we left for April vacation to go to Virginia Beach. I never turned the heat back on when we got home from our trip. Hearing the sound of the furnace is like hearing the last nail being driven into Summer's coffin. Summer, for me, is from about late April until the very last few warm days of Autumn, like last weekend. Don't get me wrong, though, I do LOVE winter, too. Not as much as summer, but I put forth a good effort to stay active and get outside and enjoy the changed season. I love to ski, snowshoe, hike, go sledding, and snowmobiling. And this year, Brian said I can go plowing with him! :)


I desperately need coffee. The realization has just hit...Thanksgiving is in about 3 weeks!!! Yippee!!! Jennifer is back! The last few years, I have definitely dreaded the holidays. I'm looking forward to them again. I just checked the calendar...Thanksgiving is 3 weeks from Thursday. Christmas is in 7 weeks!!! My shopping countdown begins! My shopping now has a purpose!

Current Mood: slowly waking up
Current Music: Sunset Grill........Don Henley....He is hard to listen to in the Fall/Winter season. His songs remind me too much of summer and the beach, and it is too soon at the start of the winter season to be reminiscing about summer. I wouldn't last the long winter if I listened to Don everyday. Isn't it weird how music tastes can change with the seasons? Goodbye Don, see you in March.