Itty Bitty

Jessie called me today. I guess the break person up and quit today. She asked what my availibity was next week or until they filled the position. I have most Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday from 10-2 available. If Brian would be willing to pay me under the table, I would definitely come back. Because of the contract I am under, I signed it with the understanding that I wouldn't get a second job. Others have other jobs, like babysitting, etc., but they are paid with a personal check. Anyway, Jessie is talking to Brian tonight and will let me know this weekend what he says. I would LOVE to have even a part of my job back. I miss the kids desperately. I miss Jessie and Erica. I seriously think this is part of my depression/anxiety right now. No matter how bad of a day I was having, every day was a good day at the preschool. I love my new job and I love being back at the center, but last year I was working at BOTH places. Nothing has changed, other than we are no longer funded by Literacy Volunteers, but by a government program that stipulates I won't get another job. All bureaucratic stuff. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Glad it is Friday

I am looking forward to going home and painting this weekend. The weather is supposed to be sunny and dry, so I think I will paint my ceilings maybe or my bathroom. I haven't decided. I just want to paint something. It has been a long week and I just want to do some home stuff. I am crampy and achy and don't want to go too far. I am going to try to sleep in tomorrow and I want to go to church on Sunday. I haven't been for awhile. I think the kids and I need to spend some time Sunday there. It will be good for us. Maybe tonight we'll go to Border's. We havne't done that for quite some time.

We stayed at the center last night until 8:30. We started playing Monopoly and Amol, who is our grad student from India, had never played Monopoly, and thought it was a lot of fun. Ashley's brother is in DHS custody now, so it was kind of a subdued evening, which was why I let them stay later. Once we started the game, and everyone started to cheer up, we wanted to keep the momentum going.

Brian has been in one of his moods this week. We were fine Sunday and Monday. Tuesday he didn't call. No big deal. I talked with him on Wednesday. He didn't call last night. I guess I am fine with this if he was just in a cranky bad mood anyway, but when I don't get to see him every night, I at least find comfort in hearing his voice before I go to sleep.

I will admit that I have been sick, I am having my period, and the medicine I was on was really putting me on the emotional edge, so I think I am probably over-reacting and may be hypersensitive right now, which is why I think it is important to lay low this weekend and do something physical around the house and get my butt back into church on Sunday. I just didn't want to leave Brian on Sunday and I haven't been the same since. What I want to do is just cry and throw a fit because my life isn't exactly how I want it right now. Not terribly mature. Right now, this very minute, what I miss the most, is hanging out at Jim's house, watching movies with him and getting a very nice back massage. I visited with him last week at the office but it just isn't the same anymore. He's different, I'm different, not to mention, he's married now, so the whole back rub thing is out of the question. Another part of me just really wants to pack it all up and move across the country. Start over. Anywhere. Isn't that weird that I could be feeling that way at the same time that I LOVE my job and am happy staying at this job for at least this year? My anxiety is looming over me. I'm feeling overwhelmed, but not quite sure what about. I'm feeling depressed, again not quite sure what about. So maybe I am the one that is in one of my moods this week and it isn't Brian at all.

BORING

Kayla and I have decided that this was the most boring day of our lives! This evening should prove to be more exciting.

We have to run to the grocery store and then the bank and then I have to pay my car insurance. After that, we'll be off to get Zach and then we're headed to work tonight. Grilled cheese sandwiches for supper. The older kids are practicing for their new IMovie they are filming. The Headless Horseman.

The drain in broke in my tub. I can slide the lever up and down that opens and closes the drain, but it does not open the drain to let the water out.

I Need a Vacation!

That is how I am feeling right now. Brian and I are supposed to be getting away for the long weekend during Columbus Day and I can't wait.

Right now, I am wishing I had slept in a little. I am really tired right now.

Sesame Street

Kayla and I are home this morning. She has an eye doctor's appointment. I'm blogging, she's reading the paper, but Sesame Street is on in the background. 10 years ago, this exact scene would have happened, but she wouldn't have been reading the paper and I wouldn't have been blogging.

Well, I suppose I should get ready and get my day moving.

Staff Day

Staff day was fun today, but 8-6 is a long day. Kayla has an eye doctor appointment tomorrow at 10. We'll be at the center tomorrow night until 8 and then it is Friday again. Tonight the kids wanted roasted chicken, as in a WHOLE roasted chicken. Needless to say, it will be a late supper.

At work tonight, I had to operate a real popcorn popper. I've never used one and this one didn't have any kind of instructions because it has been around for awhile. Remember that one, I am not a big popcorn eater, two, when I do eat it, or make it, it is the microwave variety and when I was a little kid, my mother used to use the Jiffy pop you moved around over a burner. So I overfilled the popcorn maker and things were going well until the big bowl was full and more popcorn was still coming, which left me scrambling for another big bowl and trying to catch the overflowing popcorn. There were a few panic-filled moments after I pulled the plug because the machine was still hot and still popping. The kids at the center had a good time with it.

Current Mood: okay
Current Music: Walk by Faith.......Jeremy Camp

L8R G8R

Does anyone else get annoyed by grown adults using shorthand when typing in an instant messenger? I'm not talking the simple c-ya or brb because even I use those once in awhile, but I really can't stand it when people can't type "you" and instead type "U" or they add numbers like l8r g8r...or they tpYe LiKe tHiS. It is okay if you have a "teen" after your age.

It was a long night at the center. Tomorrow will be even longer. 8-2 for our staff day. We are singing made up lyrics to Bobby McFerrin's "Don't Worry...Be Happy" in front of the mayor. Nice. Wearing really queer painter cap's. I had to have a degree for this! I'm cutting out of tomorrow's festivities early because I have to pick up my kids and then head to the center, which is where I will be until 6:30.

Alright. I need to get to bed.

Crap!

I was just sitting here at home, relaxing a little before I have to go back to the center tonight, when I realized I am going to be 34 on my next birthday! That is fucking old. Really fucking old. The ironic part is that these are the good years. The ones I will miss the most when I am sitting on my fat ass in a rocking chair.

Update

SOOOOO, I called the girl at work today and we straightened everything out. I feel much better about it all now.

When I got home tonight, I kind of got mad at the kids because sometimes they just sit around waiting for me to get home for work, to TELL them to pick up. Now, I know they are capable of looking around them and seeing what needs to be done. But I probably shouldn't have gotten so mad. They really have gotten much better about helping around here and there have been nights when I've gotten home and they've had everything done.

Anyway, it is all done now. The dishes, some laundry and we even rearranged the living room. We're all sitting in the living room now, watching Wheel of Fortune, eating supper, the dog is on her bed, and it is kind of like we've moved into a different place. I looked at them, all helping and behaving and I feel as if I've entered the bizarro world. Amazing what a little feng shui can do for you!

Okay

So there is this girl at work. She has to volunteer at the office because she gets general assistance and she lives in the community that my center is located in. She has taken to me and even though she has a lot of problems, I genuinely like and care about her. Now, my problem. We've gotten pretty friendly, which is probably mistake number one, but she works in the main office, not my center, so there is no conflict of interest and in no way does my job have anything to do with her situation. We are in our thirties and we both have 3 kids. Her dad killed himself and mine has problems. Her ex is getting out of jail next month for beating her up and I have been in that situation, too. So when she has problems or wants to talk, I've listened to her. Well, she called me 4 in the morning on Friday because of said problems and again Sunday night. I have been gone all weekend. Just let me say, she has a LOT of emotional and mental problems, so I am trying to not take anything too personally, but because I actually have a career and not a lot of time to fix her problems, she actually used ME as the reason why she couldn't pass her house inspection this morning. She couldn't get a hold of me all weekend, so it is my fault that somebody couldn't help her with her kids so she could clean. Yeah, well. That didn't go over too big with me this morning and my first inclination was to tell her off, which was what I did. Now that I've calmed down a little, I've realized that I could have handled that differently. I just have a real problem with people that don't take responsibility for their own lives. There are a good number of us that haven't had the best of childhoods and we don't all grow up and abuse drugs and alcohol or end up in jail or beat their kids. I think there are some people that are more inclined to do those things and they use their childhood problems as an excuse of why they are in their situation or use them as an excuse as to why they can't fix their lives. They use their problems to justify all the bad things in their life. And I'm talking about a lot of good friends and family of mine that just can't get past their childhood trauma, not just the clients in this particular neighborhood. I don't know why I am surprised. Ever since I have met her, all I've heard is how her situation is her paren'ts fault, her caseworker's fault, her abusive ex's fault, her children's fault. Well, when is it going to be HER fault?

There, I feel better now. I seriously have a problem with attracting toxic people in my life. This is just a repeat of a lesson I learned once before abouting getting more invested into helping someone than they are invested in it. Some people are unwilling to help themselves and will always look for someone else to blame.

Other than that, I am having a great day at work. I am PMSing so my mood yesterday doesn't really surprise me now. I'm also on my last two days of prednisone and it makes me very very emotional. Tonight, I am going grocery shopping and I'm going to cook a nice supper for my kids and maybe play a game with them. Today is my easy 8 hour workday. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday will be late nights at the center. Wednesday we have a staff day over at the ranch, so I won't have that afternoon off. Wednesday will be 8 AM until 6:30 PM. Before you know it, Friday will be here again!

Current Mood: off
Current Music: Total Eclipse of the Heart ........Bonnie Tyler

Nail Nazis

Remind me the next time I am at the mall to avoid going down the section towards Filene's, where these Nail Nazis hang out, trying to get you to buy their product. I made the mistake of making eye contact with one of them. So then I had two nails buffed and polished. Very nice, but I wasn't interested on spending $30 on their product. It did feel good though, so I think I will spend the $30 on a manicure. I waited at the Gap until they were accosting somebody else before going back by them. I spent an hour and a half at the mall and it was most discouraging. I really hate the days when I am too down even to shop! And right now, I am really missing Brian. More than our usual Sunday night missing each other. I'm having a hard time getting myself into doing anything right now. I cleaned a little. Hung out at the mall. Tried on some new jeans. Has anyone seen the horror in the stores right now? Maybe I am just overly fussy, but if I am going to spend $50 or more dollars on a pair of frigging jeans, they had better be EXACTLY what I want.

Jenn's Good Jeans Guide
1. Can't be too loose
2. Can't be too tight on thighs.
3. If I wanted them to look run over by a subway train, I'd do it myself.
4. A nice, crisp, slightly faded blue color would be nice.
5. Sometimes a darker, yet washed look is nice, too.
6. They MUST fit the butt.
7. No ribbons, no bows
8. Absolutely NO camel toe.
9. Bootcut is nice.
10. Not going for the square butt look.
11. No butt crack.
12. Pockets must be strategically placed.
13. They have to have pockets, though. Not going for the big round butt look, either.


So my trouble? I'll find the absolutely perfect shade of blue, and they'll be a size two. Or they'll be in my size, but either extra long or ankle length. I am a regular 32" inseam. I'm not short and I'm not tall. I'm a pretty average 5'6, but with my heels, I'm usually 5'7 or 5'8 and I most always wear some kind of heel. I really shouldn't even be in the market for more jeans, but I have a fetish. I currently have 4 perfect fitting pairs, 2 that will do in a pinch, two that I will never wear, a white Polo pair, an offwhite Nautica pair, and a few pair of Levi's that I can't bear to part with. I really need some new shirts. A whole new can of worms. I'm not into wearing little "Vote for Pedro" tee shirts. These long, frilly spaghetti strap things are totally useless. Okay for nightclubbing, but where the hell will anyone wear these other than for that purpose? I even tried my old faithful, The Gap today. I only found ONE pair of cute cordroys that I would buy, but they didn't have my length. I did find a cute button up cardigan that I would have loved to wear, but for $55, I could find a similar alternative at Kohl's or Target and save myself $20.

I suppose I should go clean my room. Do something useful with the rest of my day off.

Much Too Short

The weekend was much too short. Zach and I just got back from our little trip to Presque Isle. He spent the weekend with his grandparents and I spent it with Brian. We just hung out yesterday. We did that food drive thing we had to do on the bike and then hung out watching t.v. for about an hour. I was craving mashed potatoes and gravy, meatloaf and a vegetable, so Brian drove me 42 miles so I could have just that. We had kind of a deep talk on the way home. Mostly him talking. By about 9 or so, I had had enough. It wasn't anything specific but just kind of seeing where we are going to be in the next year or so. We, as in "US", not we as in he and I separately. I am still trying to figure out what the talk was about really. We're happy with each other and where we seem to be headed, so it wasn't a break up kind of talk. We are still making plans for our near future, vacations together, etc. Because of his divorce, or more specifically, the surprise he felt at finding out about all of the infidelities, he is constantly checking "us", like what I am thinking or if we are still on the same page. I am the type of person that, unless it is something that I specifically need to know, I don't need to constantly evaluate where he and I are. I understand his motivation for this. He loves me and doesn't want to be in a situation where the rug gets pulled out from underneath him again. I get this. But he needs to trust that I love him, too and that I am in this for the long haul. He says from time to time, when I tell him I love him, "you just think you do" or he'll say, "Why?" or "Prove it." I don't know how else to reassure him that I do love him. He has been spending a lot of time driving me around, looking at houses and asking me what kind I like, and he's asked me of all the places we've traveled to this summer, which one could I see myself living in. He asked me this weekend if I was planning on working another year in Bangor, after my contract is up, or if I am moving downstate. I told him that I was going to give it until about February and see where I am and the progress I've made at the center. I know I want to be elsewhere, geographically speaking, but I do love my job and I'm comfortable for even another year. I said that I was planning on testing the job market waters in February or March and if I land a great teaching job somewhere that I want to be living, I might plan on moving in August, but I'm not leaving the state without him and I'm not giving him up.

Anyway, I am tired of thinking about it. I don't know how he can do it obsessively like he does. It is exhausting. All I know is I love him and I plan on loving him for a very long time.

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: something good to clean my room to

Long Days

Yesterday was a long day. Worked in the office 8-10ish...then went home to work on my house, picked up the kids from school and band and then headed back to work at the center 3:30-8:30. Talked to Brian for a little while on the phone and then went to bed. I was sleeping SO good and then I got a phone call at 4 AM from Allison, the volunteer that works over at the center. She is in the hospital with some medical problems and after the phone call with her, I couldn't fall back to sleep. I was planning on just resting until about 6 to get up and get ready for work. I ended up eventually falling back to sleep and waking up at 6:45! SOOOOO, I was a half hour late to work and it is now 10 AM. This morning has flown by. I have a list of things I need to accomplish today, so I had better get at it!

Thankfully, I can work from Brian's office this weekend and get some paperwork done. We have a charity bike/atv thing to go to for most of the day tomorrow. Next weekend I am going up to help him stack wood for his sister and brother-in-law. His sister just had major back surgery and her husband Matt can't do it all himself, so Brian said he'd help and he volunteered me too! :) That is fine, since that would be the only way I could see him next weekend.

Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: Rooms On Fire.......Stevie Nicks

Maybe

Maybe I'll get around to:

*posting some pics of the BBQ and our first week open

*actually burning the music that I have downloaded on my laptop

*windexing the windows

*cleaning the stove, refrigerator and freezer


I have a couple of hours off this afternoon because I work tonight at the center 3PM until 8:30 PM. I'm trying to cram in some laundry because Zach and I are headed up north for the weekend. I'll be with Brian and Zach will be at his grandparent's house, who happen to live in the same town. The girls want to stick around here this weekend for Riverfest (the parade, homecoming, the street dance, etc.). That is fine. Their transportation will be their dad's problem. I've swept and mopped the kitchen, hallway, stairs and bathroom. After this little break of mine, I will be cleaning up the living room real quick. Sunday night, I will be attacking my bedroom and getting that all reorganized. I need to go thru my closet because I seem to be missing some of my clothes, plus I want to weed thru them all and make a list of some new items I need.

There was a terrible car accident in our town yesterday. A 16 and 17 year old were killed after backing out into the path of a loaded cement truck. The boy died on the scene and the girl died later at the hospital. She was the driver and had only had her license for 3 weeks. In Maine, there is a law that says that if you are under the age of 18, you need to have had your license for 6 months before you are allowed to have passengers in the car. This excludes siblings and family members. The point of the law is decrease the distraction the driver has to deal with, with a loaded car full of friends. They both went to high school with my daughter, although she didn't really know either of them. Kayla applies for her permit pretty soon. After hearing about the accident, my first thought was NO WAY is she driving. I've settled down. She is responsible. When she gets her permit, she will be driving with me constantly so she gets the needed experience she needs. She will wait the 6 months before driving her friends. Her time picking up my other two from school or band will be on a limited basis. What I found most chilling was the thought of going off to work, saying goodbye to my kids, knowing that they're going to school with Kayla in her car and having a terrible accident on the way. I could potentially lose all three at once. That is also an awful lot of responsibility on a new driver as well, so my expectations that Kayla as a second driver to help me out with our busy schedules have been re-evaluated. I would rather deal with the stress of the scheduling conflicts than have to deal with losing one or more of my kids. And yes I know, accidents can and do happen to anyone, even me, but there is something to be said for experience behind the wheel. I also know I can't keep them in a safety bubble forever. This is all where faith and prayers come in, and my prayers go out to the families of these kids.

Okay, breaks over. This was way longer than I intended! :)

Current Mood: okay
Current Music: Take My Pride.......Jeremy Camp

Long Day

Conference today in Freeport. Left home at 7 AM and returned home 5 PM. We finished up an hour early there, so that was good. I had planned on doing some shopping while in Freeport, but by the end of the day, I just wanted to be on the road for home. Plus I can't walk far without coughing up a lung.

I'm taking the kids out to supper tonight and then the movies. I get .34 cents per mile everytime I have to travel for a conference and todays round trip equaled 262 miles. That is $89.08. Not too bad for a days work. Plus I get paid for today anyway. My next conference is in October.

Tomorrow night is our first night at the center. We open the doors at 3:30! I can't wait! We are having our game/movie night. Thursday, we'll be open 3:30 until 8:30 PM and will be our usual children's program with snack and teen's program with supper. Things finally feel like they are all coming together at work.

Well, gotta take my kids out to supper.

Current Mood: tired and happy...still coughing, though
Current Music: Barracuda........Heart

Asthmatic Bronchitis

This what I was diagnosed with today. I am now on antibiotics and prednisone AGAIN. I also have a sinus infection. It should be a few days before the meds kick in full force.

Tomorrow I have to be on the road to Freeport by 7:15. My conference lasts 9-4, then I get to turn around and drive home. Fun, Fun!!!

I had a good day at work but got not a thing accomplished. But I did make it to the doctors, then lunch, then my office and chatted with Brian for a bit, then back to the big office and talked with Claire, Iona and Allison until it was time to go home. All four of us have been in abusive relationships and after talking it seems like we were all dating or married to the same man!

I'm not looking forward to the 4 hours on the road tomorrow. Brian loves that kind of thing and is on the road a lot during the week. Gas prices are finally lowering and I got my first mileage check in the mail. The good thing about working for the government is that I get reimbersed 30 cents per mile I put on my car going to and from work. I get the maximum amount which equals $34 a month. Nothing outstanding but it is one tank of gas per month.

Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: Werewolves in London........Warren Zevon

Weekend Wrap-up

I didn't do much yesterday. Cleaned and ran a few errands and then took a nap. Read a little while and talked to Brian. I still wasn't feeling well as of last night. I took some more Nyquil around 10:30 PM and woke up feeling human again. The kids want to go to the movies today. I'm dying to see The Exorcism of Emily Rose. It will probably be stupid, but that is part of the horror genre charm.

I can finally taste and smell again. I couldn't do either yesterday. Talk about depressing! Those are two senses that I would hate to lose for any length of time. It is no fun eating when you can't taste a damn thing.

I ran into a old friend of mine at the grocery store today. We were friends in the 7th and 8th grade. Still sort of friends in the 9th, but by our sophomore year, we moved in different circles in high school. I became a party girl and she was intent on becoming a doctor. We caught up briefly. She is a doctor. Married and has an infant. I think I surprised her when I told her that I was a teacher. I don't think she thought I would get my shit together. As I recall, that was a big problem with us as friends. I will admit when we were best friends, I was getting all A's because that is all we ever did was study and do homework. I had a bit of a wild side that was just aching to get out so when we got to high school, she did the studying thing and I found a group that liked to shop and liked boys and music. We really did try to stay friends our first year of high school as we were still in all of the same classes. We finally got in a big blow out because she thought I should study more and hang out less with my other friends and I think I said something about taking the stick out of her ass and just have fun once and awhile. I was observing her in the grocery store and she would get this pained look on her face whenever she had to talk to someone who wasn't in her social circle. I could tell the stick was still firmly in place. Oh well, our 20th reunion should be interesting. She looks about 40 now.

Current Mood: feeling better
Current Music: my Practical Magic soundtrack

Nyquil

Brian insisted I take Nyquil last night to help me sleep and ease my cold symptoms. It worked okay. I slept pretty well. I woke up a few times during the night and felt kind of weird. I'd wake up and know I was awake but I certainly was not lucid. I was definitely suffering from fuzzy brain syndrome. I have been up since 7. Zach was awake too and he looks at me and says, "So much for sleeping in!" We went to Ampersand's and had our drinks and played some chess. I beat him. Then I went to the post office and picked up the house a little. I'm ready for a nap now. I think I'll make my bed, put my jammies back on, read for a little while and pop in a movie. I want to go to Border's and the movies but I think the kids and I'll do that tomorrow. I am not motivated to do a darn thing today.

The BBQ was a success. I'm glad it is over. I had been up since 3:30 AM Friday morning, stressing about the whole thing. Things came together nicely and I am pleased with how things went overall. My boss was impressed by the success of the bbq and already has a party lined up for our next event. I told her I was retiring from the party planning business and she looked at me and said, "NONSENSE! This is great!"

Brian came down to help. It was an eyeopening experience for him. I don't know exactly what he thought it would be like. This is homeless transitional housing. These are families that you pass on the street with signs around their neck looking for money for some food or a place to sleep. These are families that you pass by and think, "Get a job." Funny how you can't say that to them when they are looking you in the face and their kids run up to you with tons of hugs and kisses because they get to have a fun bbq, with hamburgers and hotdogs and desserts and get to spend an hour or two sitting outside with their family watching the kids play. Next weekend, I'm going to be in Presque Isle with him. I have a conference in Freeport on Tuesday. Then headed up to P.I. after work on Friday. Lots of driving next week.

I found out today that a friend of mine from high school has been diagnosed with terminal breast cancer. She and her husband have 4 kids. She will be 33 next month and has asked her physicians not to tell her how much time she has left. The breast cancer has spread to her spine, pelvis and other areas. Working where I work, and hearing about Sonya, has made me more grateful than ever to have the family I have and to have been able to enjoy my kids for as long as I have. Sonya's oldest is an 8 year old girl. She won't see her grow up, she won't see her get married, she won't know her grandkids. My oldest is almost 16. I am very lucky that I've had the years that I've had. She is almost grown. I know what she will look like when she is grown. Chances are good I'll see her get married and will have a lot of years to spend with my own grandchildren.

Anyway, I took some pics of the bbq and I'll post them when I get a chance.

Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: She Talks to Angels.......The Black Crows

You know I don't feel well when I actually take cold medication. I can't remember the last time I took it because I really don't like the side effects. I'm feelin' better now, boys and girls! :) Everything on my to do list is now done. I had quite a long list today and I'm very pleased with myself. Everybody keep your fingers crossed for me for a great turn out for the bbq and pray for no rain showers 4:30-6:30 PM tomorrow.

Zach's trumpet is now fixed. Looks almost as good as new and definitely sounds like it is supposed to once again.

I'll hopefully get a chance to take some pics this weekend. I have a conference in Freeport all day Tuesday. That is about it.

Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: Take a Picture........Filter

Working from Home

I finished everything that I wanted to at the center before my lunch break, so I called Iona (the secretary) and let her know that I would be continuing my day from the comfort of my own home and that I could be reached there. I need to make hor d'ourves for the Advisory Board meeting and pasta salad for the BBQ after. Plus I need to bake some cookies and a rotini salad for both. I can just as easily do that from home as I could at the center. While things are cooking, at least while I am at home, I can pick up around here, too! The kids will be home soon and they can help with some odds and ends around here. I have a very busy day tomorrow. Start out at the center, getting things ready, take my lunch break and run home to pick my kids up and take them back to work with me. They'll have to play outside while I am in the board meeting, and then when Brian gets there, he can keep them busy for me. I'm glad all the people that I love most, Brian and my kids, will be there at the bbq.

Speaking of Brian. I finally got a hold of him this morning. I was starting to get very worried because his procedure was supposed to be done by 10 and he still wasn't answering his cell phone or the office phone by 11:30! Finally, he groggily answered and said that he was just leaving the hospital and that things there were running late. He is sore but nothing is seriously wrong with him. I gave him orders to take a nap on the couch in the office and I'll call him later today to check on him and wake him up so he can write up the 3 reports that need to be written before he heads back here tomorrow. I miss him like crazy and wish I was there with him right now.

Alas, my break is over. I have to take some things out of the oven and plan for dinner tonight. We are having baked pork chops with potatoes and baby carrots.

Current Mood: relieved Brian is okay
Current Music: Big Love.........Fleetwood Mac

Quiet

Things are quiet over here at the center. Just what I need right now. I have some incense burning and I'm having a zen moment, or trying to, before I embark on vacuuming and dusting that needs to be done before the board meeting tomorrow. I am praying that people show up for the bbq. It is one of those things where you just don't know what to expect. I could be over prepared and have just 8 or 9 people show up and I could be under-prepared and have all 120+ residents and all the staff and board members show up! I'm aiming for somewhere in the middle. We are convienently located across the street from the grocery store, so if more people show up, more food will be bought! I really hope we have a good turn out. I've heard that events like this have been planned and hardly nobody showed up, so part of my reason that I want a success is to just show people that I am different.

Brian had a procedure done this morning. I know he was very nervous and I'd have liked to have been up there today to just be with him, but Claire is out of the office today and tomorrow, and with the big meeting and BBQ after, we just can't have two major players out of the office. Brian is definitely on my mind though and I'll be calling him at 10:30 to check on him and if he needs me, I'm saying screw it and I'm driving up there. I told him to call if he needed me.

Anyway, I'm just procrastinating right now. Putting off the inevitable work that needs to be done. After my day, I get to go home and clean MY house! :)

Current Mood: good
Current Music: Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet.....Bachman Turner Overdrive

Two More Days

Two more days until the bbq. Tomorrow I will be cooking and getting things ready. I have a hair appointment, too. Friday is the big day. I will have lots to do on Friday.

Long Day

A long day at work today. Some days I swear it is like watching an episode of Cops on tv! So after my incredibly long day at work, two of my kids went grocery shopping with me. You wouldn't believe the stuff that made its way into the cart without me knowing about it until checking out. $153 later and a trip back in to buy the dog food that I went there for to begin with, I am now sitting at home. The kids wanted tacos tonight. Shepard's Pie tomorrow night. Chicken and dumplings on Thursday night, Friday night is the BBQ, and Saturday will be either take out or some kind of pasta alfredo. Roasted chicken on Sunday. Monday night will be baked pork chops, potatoes and baby carrots. That will be the whole menu for the week. The rest of the food was just snack stuff for me and the kids.

Oh well, I have a huge headache. Time for supper.

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Paradise City....Guns n Roses

BBQ On

I've made the executive decision to go ahead with the BBQ as planned. Looks like there may be a chance of showers early, but nothing major. Now I need to find me a big grill.

I had a super time at Jessy's house last night. The scrapbooking party was so much fun! It was nice to catch up with Jessy, Erica and Julie. I did a whole page with my preschoolers. It came out so cute. On the other side, I have the cutest pic of Emily. Jessy is having another party in two weeks. This one is some kind of home interior party. I've already checked out the catalog. I'm having a scrapbooking party here at the center in a month or two and was thinking of starting some kind of scrap club that meets here once or twice a month. I know some of the employees that work for the city would love it and I think some of the residential women would like it. We have had yoga classes meet here and they were a big hit and we've had this knitting club that Claire calls Stitch 'n Bitch. Kind of gives the ladies a forum to share patterns and vent at the same time.

This cold I have is seriously kicking my ass. It started out as yet another sinus infection and moved quickly to my lungs. I am coughing up quite a bit of a disgusting amount of phlegm. Jessy has pneumonia. I don't think mine will get that bad, but I've had to start using my inhaler again just so my coughing will subside.

Last night, Hayley had her teen church group. She didn't get home until about 9:30 PM. Kayla went with me to Jessy's because she is the scrapper in the family. I bought her some nice handy tools to add to her collection. Zach had to fend for himself for about an hour and a half. He is 11. When Kayla and I had gotten home, he had made supper. He boiled some rotini and opened a jar of spaghetti sauce and browned up some hamburger to mix in. Not too shabby for an 11 year old. Plus he was all proud of himself when we got in the door. He was like, Supper is in the kitchen. Go help yourself. I had just settled myself in to enjoy a nice plate of Zach's delicious concoction, feeling quite smug that I have three of the most well-behaved and responsible children in the universe, when my oldest comes down the stairs in tears.

So I said, "Kayla, what is wrong?"
Kayla: Nothing.
Me: Why are you crying?
Kayla: I'm not.
Me: Okay, well, if you aren't going to tell me, take your not-crying self upstairs because your not-crying is making it hard for me to enjoy my supper.
Kayla: Okay, okay, this morning before school Shannon and I went to the store to get a slushie and by the time we got back we had missed the late bell, so we just decided to skip school. I came home and checked the messages and the school never called, so I knew I was out of the woods. But you were so nice tonight buying me all of that scrapbooking stuff and I know that you've been short on cash starting this new job and I just can't take the guilt anymore! I can't lie to you and I'm starting to get really sick of that!

I just started laughing and grounded her. I let her know that skipping school is a serious infraction. I was laughing because not one of my kids is very good at being dishonest. So even when they are misbehaving, I still feel kind of good that they have well developed consciences and will grow up into nice adults. It is just so damn funny watching the torture that they've put themselves through, waiting until the truth comes out. They are way more hard on themselves than I am. Groundation is rather anti-climatic after what they've put themsevles through.

I Hate Mondays!

I can't believe it is almost 11 AM already. This morning has sped by. Looks like the newest hurricane is headed our direction and we'll get the remnants of it on Friday. Driving rain and 65 mile an hour winds. SOOOOO, this postpones our BBQ, but that is actually okay. We're still having the advisory board meeting and that is top priority and we are still scheduled to open the next Wednesday.

I have a meeting at the police department. I am giving them a copy of our new schedule so they can patrol the area when we are leaving at night. I know this will make me feel safer, as well as our volunteers.

Tonight, I am going to Jessy's house. She is having some kind of scrapbooking party. I haven't seen her since I left the job at Itty Bitty. It will be good to see everyone. I ran into Paula Kull at my eyedoctor's. Her husband is my eye doctor and their daughter is a student at Itty Bitty, and she is planning on going to Jessy's, too. This should be fun. I'm not really feeling up to socializing tonight, but it will do me good to get out. This whole summer, I have spent socializing with Brian in tow. I am not complaining, but I need to get back into doing my own thing, too! :)

Now, I have a bunch of phone calls to make.

Current Mood: okay
Current Music: my Godsword CD

September 11, 2005

Does anyone else feel weird when they write this date?

So much for laying low this weekend! Brian came down Friday night and we went to the new Texas Roadhouse Restaurant. Brian liked it, I thought it was okay. Last night we went to eat at the Whig & Currier, but I wasn't impressed with the menu, so we left and ate at the Bear Brew instead. Saturday, we ran a bunch of errands and Brian helped me at the center putting curtains up and hanging blinds. Today we and about 16,000 other bikers did the annual toy run. We bought a big stuffed Mickey and a big stuffed Minnie and strapped them to the back of the bike and drove to Augusta to drop off the toys. It was a lot of fun, but I am glad to be home. I am exhausted. We did sleep in a little Saturday morning, which we haven't done in WEEKS, but we had also been up until 1:30 AM doing grown-up stuff, so we still probably only got 7-8 hours in.

My big BBQ/Open House at the center is this Friday. I am nervous because the Advisory Board meeting is at the center at 2:30 and they are all invited to stay and join us at the BBQ. Brian is coming down to help with the grilling. Paul's football season officially starts next week. They've only had scrimmages so far, and the first game is next Sunday, soooooo that means any long weekends with Brian down here will be out for awhile. If I want to spend the whole weekend with him, I'll have to head up to P.I.

I am so tired. I need a nap but I am worried about what will happen if I take one this late in the game.

Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: Sister Christian.........Night Ranger

Politics?

Who would have thought the education/government/political sector would interest me. I have been having a hard time deciding which direction I wanted my grad work to head and I knew it would be in education, but now I am definitely leaning towards the Department of Education, working behind the scenes, making changes in law. I also want to emphasize my grad work on poverty and education and the effects of each on each other.

In other news, Zach has his first Middle School dance tonight. I'm having a ball tutoring Kayla in Spanish. I have seven years (3 in high school and 4 in college) under my belt and helping her is helping me. The older I get, the harder it is to retain a lot of it so this has been fun. Hayley and I are working every night on her reading assignments. This job has been good, because as much as I loved and miss the daycare, I am not physically or mentally drained when I get home, so I can be a mom again. This present job is lots of writing, planning, scheduling and lots and lots of meetings. None of that is terribly tedious or difficult.

I think I am staying home this weekend. Brian may come down, but I really want to clean my house and work at the center a little this weekend.

Current Mood: ready for the weekend
Current Musis: Only for the Week..........Avalon

Passage of Time

These first few weeks at my new job have flown right by! I truly love my job! I love helping people, especially kids, and I get to do this every day. The clients I have met are literally at their rock bottom and it pleases me to offer them a glimmer of hope. There isn't much we can do when someone comes to us. The waiting list for homeless housing is 3-5 months. Section 8 subsidy has a 2 year waiting list. Rents are going up because of the skyrocketing heating fuel costs. I've had so many families come in the last few days saying they are living in tents and in campers. This is okay now, but what are they to do when the cold weather hits? These are families that have just fallen on hard times. Nobody is addicted to drugs or alcohol. How many of us are just a paycheck or two away from this ourselves? I've got to say though, that I have seen first hand what a smile and a compassionate ear can do. This has definitely given me a first hand look at poverty, government funding, burned out DHS workers and the importance of being one's own advocate.

So much needs to be done, as far as welfare reform, and my heart goes out to the families that have truly fallen on hard times and to the offspring of some individuals whose only interest in them is as a dependent for welfare benefits. But thought needs to be given to this expectation that the government is there to fall back on. Welfare has not always been in existence, neither is it common in other countries. Why are there some people that are constantly standing there with their hands in the cookie jar? The fact is this: our government, faulty that it might be, is the greatest in the world and we should be grateful for the help that is given. However, people are going to have a huge wake-up call one of these days when the government's back breaks. Sadly, Bangor only has 140 housing units for homeless housing. This is not considered emergency shelter because of the 3-5 month wait and the units are FULL. There is no emergency housing. There are limited, if any, in emergency funds. We need to all face the reality that the welfare system is a false safety net. Those few people that might be grandfathered in might be still in a position to abuse the system, but I assure anyone that getting benefits at this present time is a lengthy, demeaning and heart wrenching process. I urge anyone that is in any kind of position to help, don't bitch about taxes or about the faults of the government. The bottom line is this, the battle between the conservatives and the liberals about whose fault our present situation is, is NOT solving any problems. Get off your asses and volunteer some time at a soup kitchen or at an afterschool program or at a battered women's shelter. And for the people that are receiving benefits and maybe shouldn't be, my message to them is simple. Quit your whining, bust your ass and provide for your family. If you have a strong back and a healthy mind then make things happen for yourself.

Okay, I'll get off my soapbox. This has been the most valuable experience I have ever had in my life. My favorite quote has always been "Be the change you wish to see in the world." ~ Ghandi.

Current Mood: pensive, but very happy
Current Music: Heat of the Moment........ASIA

Early

It is early in the office for me today. I leave at 10:30 for an appointment with my eye doctor. Then lunch from 12:15-1:15...so pretty much the whole morning will fly right by. I am covering the phones while Iona is on vacation. I can just as easily work out of her office as I can mine. Easier, in fact, because my phone line isn't supposed to be hooked up until some time this morning.

September 6. 2005

The day flew by today. I went to lunch with Allison. That was nice. I got a lot accomplished today. I had a meeting with Sally and Kyra and I think it went really well. I am very positive with how things are going. I'm really excited about the upcoming year and so is Kyra, so we kind of fed off of each other's enthusiasm, which fed into Sally's, sooooo I'm now very PUMPED!!!

This long weekend with Brian was very rejuvenating for me. He is feeling very tired, but it definitely energized me!

The weather is going to be beautiful for the next two weeks. Sunny and 70's and 80's. My period is over. Tomorrow is Wednesday. I love my job. I love my boyfried. Life is GOOD!!!

Current Mood: in love
Current Music: Jukebox Hero..........Foreigner

1200 Miles!!!

Brian and I just got back from a long bike weekend. We rode over 1200 miles. We had no plan and no specific destination. Just 3 1/2 days to kill. Our mission was to stay off of the interstate until the last leg of the journey (returning home). We headed thru New Hampshire and visited the White Mountains and then on to Vermont and the Green Mountains and then the most beautiful part of all was the entire day spend in upstate New York in the Adirondack mountains, where we spent the day at Lake Champlain and Lake George. We took the ferry across Lake Champlain. This lake is 125 miles long, I think and borders New York, Vermont and Montreal. We drove the bike right on the boat and went from Vermont to Essex, NY. The Adirondacks are breathtaking!!! We stayed at the Ramada in Glens Falls, NY. The next day, we continued on to Mass and went to the Blamford (?) Fair. It was a smalltown fair and Brian and I thought it would be fun to stretch our legs and walk around. $7 a person to get in!!! :) Only kid rides, too. They don't do fairs like Maine does fairs! But it was fun...think of 'Joe Dirt' and the carnival scene. Brian kept saying, "You're my sister!" to me after...if you've never seen Joe Dirt, you'll not get that reference. Then we drove down to Mystic, CT and walked around there. I think Mystic is one of my most favorite places on earth. Plus, Brian got to see Mystic Pizza, which is the now famous pizza joint in Mystic, where Julia Roberts debuted in her first movie titled Mystic Pizza! Then we booked it up Route 1 to Providence, Rhode Island. Providence is a city of about 2 million people. I love it. It is smaller than Boston, but bigger than Portland (Maine). Brian hated it. Well, not really hated it, but he never travels on I-95 North or South so he wasn't prepared for the 6 lanes of very fast traffic thru Providence. We'd been driving all day on the bike and this was about 8 PM at night so he was a little more tense than he might have been otherwise. So we spent the night at a hotel there and we got in a 15 minute argument, but then kissed and made up. We had a lovely dinner down in the restaurant. We were going to have room service, but the previous night, we'd had room service, and I felt like we really needed to get OUT of the hotel room for a meal. In light of the 1200 miles we traveled on a motorcycle, on our BUTTS, I'm pleased to report that we only had that one 15 minute tiff. We talked about it at dinner that night and again this morning and I think that says a lot about us. Not many couples can spend 24 hours a day for the duration of a vacation together and not have a spat or two.

The best part of today was riding through Concord, Mass, which is where Walden Pond is. We drove right by it without even planning on it. It was very, very cool! I am a big Thoreau fan, although our biking trips seem to be more Kerouac-esque.

That was the long story. The short story? 1200 miles, 7 states, 3 1/2 days and we still love each other!

Current Mood: exhausted, happy, relaxed and missing Brian, all rolled into one.
Current Music: Little Moments..............Brad Paisley (this is Brian's song to me)

September 1, 2005

- Zach is puking. :(
- Sarah called me at work today! :)
- My mother will watch Zach this weekend so Brian and I can still get away. :)
- Zach is now sleeping and he is feeling a lot better.
- The girls didn't have the house picked up when I got home.
- They will do it when they get back from taking a walk to the store.
- My period finally started today!!!
- I got a ton of work done today and have lots of emails from Augusta to wade thru.
- They still haven't found the woman who was sleeping under the tarp. Apparently she has a child with her.