* Alternative Title.....Typing While Drugged
I am so very tired. We were very busy at the center tonight. Amol and I had our hands full, but it was very nice to see everyone. Some of the kids weren't there during the summer, so it was nice having them back.
My allergies are acting up big time today and this evening. My sinuses are all inflamed. I'm doing Nyquil tonight! YES! :) Nobody had better require a trip to the emergency room tonight, unless it is by ambulance, that is for sure!
I'm still talking to Brian, so that is good.
I'm waiting for the water to boil. I am going to have a nice relaxing cup of tea. I just took my Nyquil. I'm watching the Red Sox. (Zach is the only Yankees fan in this house!) And after my tea is ready, I am going to bed. I'm going to read a bit.
I have been sneezing all day.
Movies I want to see:
Monster House
The Wicker Man
Little Miss Sunshine
Everyone's Hero
I'm sure there are more but the Nyquil has been in my body for 10 minutes. My brain is beginning to feel the first effects of fuzziness. My dog is staring at me. When she tells me to "roll that beautiful bean footage", I'll let you know. I should probably have taken my contacts out.
Does anyone else sometimes blank out while applying deodorant? This is a phenomenon in my life, which usually starts by my noticing some very offending body odor and I go around loudly accusing people of not using any...for instance, I'll say something like, "Who stinks in here?" I check myself and one pit will be fine. I move on to the next and suddenly realize I've only applied it to one side and I am the offender. I think back to how I could only manage to apply it to one side and I've discovered something about myself...I consistently apply my deodorant to my left side first, then my right...on the days I've forgotten my left, I've concluded that for some bizarre reason, I applied it to my right first, and then my mind moves on to other thoughts and on some subconscious level, I notice I am on my right pit and subconsciously assume I've already done my left, therefore skipping my left altogether. I'm so glad we've taken this journey through my subconscious mind together. I'm sure you've all asked yourselves what amazing thoughts keep Jenn up nights. Now you know.
Nyquil has bene in my body for 25 minutes. My fingers are feeling slightly paralyzed. I'm not typing as fast as I was. My blinks are taking longer.
My sniffles are feeling better though.
35 minutes. The last 10 were spent with me trying to type with my eyes, I guess. I should probably sign off while I still have brain function to do that.
yeah. bye.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Thursday
The quiet of the house on the first day of school is always so deafening. A bitter reminder that summer is over. Nothing has changed really. The weather is the same. I could pretend the kids have just gone off, playing with their friends.
I am going to enjoy this quiet time. Or learn to. I have some serious cleaning to do now that the weather has cooled down a little. I want to get things organized and sorted through and toss things we don't need. I want the windows done, because I won't get to them again until springtime.
I actually have the remote all to myself...AND? There isn't anything on tv during the hours that I can own the remote! Right now, I am watching Buffy...one of my favorite Immortal episodes, when Angel and Spike are looking for her. I love the scene when they are cruising down the streets of Italy on a Vespa.
I have to go get my latte...just MY latte...not coffee for the girls, not strawberry milk and a chocolate croissant for Zach...just my latte! I then have to pay some bills. Sierra will certainly enjoy this alone time with me! :)
I am going to enjoy this quiet time. Or learn to. I have some serious cleaning to do now that the weather has cooled down a little. I want to get things organized and sorted through and toss things we don't need. I want the windows done, because I won't get to them again until springtime.
I actually have the remote all to myself...AND? There isn't anything on tv during the hours that I can own the remote! Right now, I am watching Buffy...one of my favorite Immortal episodes, when Angel and Spike are looking for her. I love the scene when they are cruising down the streets of Italy on a Vespa.
I have to go get my latte...just MY latte...not coffee for the girls, not strawberry milk and a chocolate croissant for Zach...just my latte! I then have to pay some bills. Sierra will certainly enjoy this alone time with me! :)
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Zach Update
Well, I got called out of a meeting today because Zach still was not feeling well. I raced home to get him. I tried to feed him some lunch and he didn't have much of an appetite. I bought him some new toys at the dollar store and he came home to play with them in the tub. He's 12. I'm not sure when boys stop playing with toys in the tub. He does take showers, too, sans toys, but today warranted a bath! :)
We just settled in for a nap, when we got a phone call from the doctor he had last night in the ER. Dr. Lieber had a gut feeling that there was more going on with Zach than the tests were saying because his fever was so significant, so after we went home, he had some more tests done on Zach's DNA. It turns out that yes, Zach does have strep throat. He called in a prescription for penicilin and he is now on the mend. He and the boys are resting comfortably right now.
I am exhausted. I slept about 4 hours last night and 15 minutes this afternoon before the doctor called! I can't go to sleep until after Laguna Beach at 10 PM. I take that back...I can't go to sleep until I wake Zach up at 11 to take his antibiotics.
Kayla, Hayley and SIerra are doing great. Hayley started her first day of high school today. My baby girl is growing up so fast!
Current Mood: exhausted
No music today.
We just settled in for a nap, when we got a phone call from the doctor he had last night in the ER. Dr. Lieber had a gut feeling that there was more going on with Zach than the tests were saying because his fever was so significant, so after we went home, he had some more tests done on Zach's DNA. It turns out that yes, Zach does have strep throat. He called in a prescription for penicilin and he is now on the mend. He and the boys are resting comfortably right now.
I am exhausted. I slept about 4 hours last night and 15 minutes this afternoon before the doctor called! I can't go to sleep until after Laguna Beach at 10 PM. I take that back...I can't go to sleep until I wake Zach up at 11 to take his antibiotics.
Kayla, Hayley and SIerra are doing great. Hayley started her first day of high school today. My baby girl is growing up so fast!
Current Mood: exhausted
No music today.
Early, Early Wednesday Morning
Well I just got home from spending a long evening in the emergency room with Zachie. We got home from work, with him vomiting and crying because of severe testicular pain. So I drove him to the ER. His fever was still high so they took us right in. They checked him for strep, hernias and a urinary infection. Everything came back negative. He had an ultrasound and that came back fine as well. Whatever it is, it is viral and there isn't anything they can really do except treat the symptoms. High fevers can cause testicular pain in boys I was told. I don't remember either of my brothers ever having this complaint, which warranted the trip to the ER. Albeit, a relatively short trip, with him crying all the way, "I don't want to die!"
Roundtrip to ER: 12 miles with gas at $2.68/gallon.
Hospital Visit: several hundred dollars covered by insurance
Ultrasound performed while Zach is crying, until he notices the pictures of his testicles. "Are those actual size?" "Yes." "WOW! I have big ones!"..........Priceless!
Why is it my children can NEVER need the emergency room when I am looking my best? I had just gotten home, washed my face of all make-up, and got into some comfortable clothes and by comfortable I mean a comfy well-worn flannel and some sweats. All I needed was some hair curlers and a tub of Ben & Jerry's to complete the ensemble!
Okay, I am exhausted. Time for bed.
Roundtrip to ER: 12 miles with gas at $2.68/gallon.
Hospital Visit: several hundred dollars covered by insurance
Ultrasound performed while Zach is crying, until he notices the pictures of his testicles. "Are those actual size?" "Yes." "WOW! I have big ones!"..........Priceless!
Why is it my children can NEVER need the emergency room when I am looking my best? I had just gotten home, washed my face of all make-up, and got into some comfortable clothes and by comfortable I mean a comfy well-worn flannel and some sweats. All I needed was some hair curlers and a tub of Ben & Jerry's to complete the ensemble!
Okay, I am exhausted. Time for bed.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Tuesday Afternoon
I could take a nap right now. I was up on and off with Zach last night. He's feeling better today and should be good to go for school tomorrow. He kept apologizing for waking me up last night. I kept saying, "Zach! It is okay. I'm your mom. Getting up in the middle of the night to take care of your sick child is part of the job."
When I took a nap on Sunday, I knew that would snowball into me wanting naps every afternoon, whether I get up in the night with kids or not.
Sierra is napping right now...where? Right by my side. Of course! I told Zach I was headed out for my latte this morning. We were in the living room. I said this to him in a normal voice. Sierra was in a completely different part of the house, upstairs, and when she heard my words, she barreled down the steps, grabbed her leash and headed to the door.
I have no idea what I am making for supper tonight. I am starving right now, though. All I've had is a yogurt. The kids have eaten all of the food, so there isn't much left. I have no idea when I am going to get a minute for grocery shopping. This week the kids and I are so busy, we'll be grabbing supper on the run most nights this week.
I do need some more caffeine if I am going to keep up with the kids at the center tonight. They will no doubt be bouncing off the wall with excitement with school starting tomorrow.
I am just trying to enjoy the last hour before my insanely busy week officially starts! I do have a 3 day weekend, I believe, so that will be nice.
I am buying Zach those Heely's tonight. I'm taking bets on how quick he either requires stitches, or gets in some kind of trouble with them at school.
Surprisingly, the shoes haven't been banned yet from his jail, I mean school. I have never seen a school so bent on "control". I have been strongly suggesting to my children that they attend Calvary Chapel Christian School, but they really don't want to leave their friends. True, public education is free and Calvary Chapel is quite expensive, but my children are definitely worth the tuition. They are getting a fair to good edcuation where they are, they have a lot of friends and have plenty of sport and band opportunites, and I guess that is more important than my personal feelings towards the Nazis running the school.
I had it out one day when my oldest was in the middle school. They banned cell phones and I was like, "Excuse me? You can require they be shut off in class or even in the building, but I'll be damned if YOU control what my child can or can not have in their possession while walking to and from school. I obviously think my 12 or 13 year old daughter needs to have a phone for emergency use when she is not in my presence." The Student Handbook was changed shortly after a number of parents and myself complained. It helps (my cause anyway) that I am a teacher.
Trust me, if my kids did not fit in so nicely with their peers, I would be homeschooling or sending them to private school. But, while a good education is important, thankfully my children don't have to rely on their schools for their sole source of their education. They have a strong interest in the things I think are important and they are also active in their communities and church. Both girls volunteer at the center with me, to help with the younger kids. Zach just comes to the center to be with me and to play with his friends, but the fact that he is such good friends with most of the kids at the center really says something about his character. These kids are living in a homeless situation and Zach is aware of this on some level, but to him, they are the lucky ones because they all live in the same neighborhood, sharing back and front yards. At home, Zach has to go down the street to play with his friends in our neighborhood.
Okay...my hour is almost up! :)
Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: Theme song from Fairly Odd Parents
When I took a nap on Sunday, I knew that would snowball into me wanting naps every afternoon, whether I get up in the night with kids or not.
Sierra is napping right now...where? Right by my side. Of course! I told Zach I was headed out for my latte this morning. We were in the living room. I said this to him in a normal voice. Sierra was in a completely different part of the house, upstairs, and when she heard my words, she barreled down the steps, grabbed her leash and headed to the door.
I have no idea what I am making for supper tonight. I am starving right now, though. All I've had is a yogurt. The kids have eaten all of the food, so there isn't much left. I have no idea when I am going to get a minute for grocery shopping. This week the kids and I are so busy, we'll be grabbing supper on the run most nights this week.
I do need some more caffeine if I am going to keep up with the kids at the center tonight. They will no doubt be bouncing off the wall with excitement with school starting tomorrow.
I am just trying to enjoy the last hour before my insanely busy week officially starts! I do have a 3 day weekend, I believe, so that will be nice.
I am buying Zach those Heely's tonight. I'm taking bets on how quick he either requires stitches, or gets in some kind of trouble with them at school.
Surprisingly, the shoes haven't been banned yet from his jail, I mean school. I have never seen a school so bent on "control". I have been strongly suggesting to my children that they attend Calvary Chapel Christian School, but they really don't want to leave their friends. True, public education is free and Calvary Chapel is quite expensive, but my children are definitely worth the tuition. They are getting a fair to good edcuation where they are, they have a lot of friends and have plenty of sport and band opportunites, and I guess that is more important than my personal feelings towards the Nazis running the school.
I had it out one day when my oldest was in the middle school. They banned cell phones and I was like, "Excuse me? You can require they be shut off in class or even in the building, but I'll be damned if YOU control what my child can or can not have in their possession while walking to and from school. I obviously think my 12 or 13 year old daughter needs to have a phone for emergency use when she is not in my presence." The Student Handbook was changed shortly after a number of parents and myself complained. It helps (my cause anyway) that I am a teacher.
Trust me, if my kids did not fit in so nicely with their peers, I would be homeschooling or sending them to private school. But, while a good education is important, thankfully my children don't have to rely on their schools for their sole source of their education. They have a strong interest in the things I think are important and they are also active in their communities and church. Both girls volunteer at the center with me, to help with the younger kids. Zach just comes to the center to be with me and to play with his friends, but the fact that he is such good friends with most of the kids at the center really says something about his character. These kids are living in a homeless situation and Zach is aware of this on some level, but to him, they are the lucky ones because they all live in the same neighborhood, sharing back and front yards. At home, Zach has to go down the street to play with his friends in our neighborhood.
Okay...my hour is almost up! :)
Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: Theme song from Fairly Odd Parents
Tuesday
I have to take my laptop in to be fixed today. I will be without it for 1-2 weeks. I suppose I can always fire up the old desktop for the weekend. I have a computer at the office and a computer at the center, so I will survive. It is kind of like being told I'll have to go a week without a phone and without contact with the outside world. Normally, that would seem like an adventure. I don't even think it is really the contact with the world aspect, as much as it is the keys to my life, so to speak. It has my writing. It has my pictures. My iTunes. My scheduler, which is so important for a working mom of three busy teenagers! My address book, with phone numbers. Usually when I get a number, I record all the information and then throw the hard copy away. I don't like paper clutter.
Of course, it is running just fine right now.
I'm watching The Golden Girls. I still love that show.
So, for my own benefit, I'm going to run down my list of things to do this week.
Today:
tan
Call Iona
Call Samantha
drop off laptop to Jim
pick up house
work 3-8
stop in at my brother's
Wednesday:
drop off Hayley and Zach at school
Staff day at work
Tan
Church
Thursday:
Drop off Kayla, Hayley & Zach at school.
Tan
pick up kids
work 3-8
Friday:
drop off kids
Work in the office
tan
teen church group for kids
foundations class @ church for me
Saturday:
SLEEP IN
possibly take kids and dog hiking up Chick Hill, or up Maiden's Cliff in Camden, or to Bar Island in Bar Harbor.
take kids school shopping and out to dinner
What an exciting life! :)
Oh, man! I actually like Jessica Simpson's new video. The end of the world MUST be near!
Of course, it is running just fine right now.
I'm watching The Golden Girls. I still love that show.
So, for my own benefit, I'm going to run down my list of things to do this week.
Today:
tan
Call Iona
Call Samantha
drop off laptop to Jim
pick up house
work 3-8
stop in at my brother's
Wednesday:
drop off Hayley and Zach at school
Staff day at work
Tan
Church
Thursday:
Drop off Kayla, Hayley & Zach at school.
Tan
pick up kids
work 3-8
Friday:
drop off kids
Work in the office
tan
teen church group for kids
foundations class @ church for me
Saturday:
SLEEP IN
possibly take kids and dog hiking up Chick Hill, or up Maiden's Cliff in Camden, or to Bar Island in Bar Harbor.
take kids school shopping and out to dinner
What an exciting life! :)
Oh, man! I actually like Jessica Simpson's new video. The end of the world MUST be near!
Monday, August 28, 2006
Zach on Nyquil
Good times!
I now have a Nyquil convert! I gave him some before I left for tanning and my errands. I came home expecting to find him passed out. Nope! He's sitting on the couch, slurring his words.
Me: How do you feel?
Zach: Dizzy, but greaaaa-a-a-a-a-t!
Me: Not tired?
Zach: I could run a marathon! I have the munchies. Do you think I am high? Is this what it is like to be drunk? Am I going to get addicted?
Me: Why do you think they make it taste so bad?
Zach: Ohhhhh, good point!
I'm headed to bed. I have some reading to do. Zach is watching football on t.v.
Have a good night everyone.
I now have a Nyquil convert! I gave him some before I left for tanning and my errands. I came home expecting to find him passed out. Nope! He's sitting on the couch, slurring his words.
Me: How do you feel?
Zach: Dizzy, but greaaaa-a-a-a-a-t!
Me: Not tired?
Zach: I could run a marathon! I have the munchies. Do you think I am high? Is this what it is like to be drunk? Am I going to get addicted?
Me: Why do you think they make it taste so bad?
Zach: Ohhhhh, good point!
I'm headed to bed. I have some reading to do. Zach is watching football on t.v.
Have a good night everyone.
Monday, Monday
It was a good day for a Monday. Things are crazy at work, but there isn't a whole lot for us to do but sit back and watch. It was good gossiping with Carl, Iona and Claire. It keeps up close! :) I don't have to work tomorrow until 3 PM and I'll be there until 8 PM. I miss being there at night, so I am glad our fall/winter hours go into effect tomorrow. We have a staff meeting all day on Wednesday. I promised Carl and Iona a good time! We're having our pandemic training. We're going over the possibility of all being cross-trained citywide, in case some of us succumb to the bird flu!
I have a tanning appointment at 6:30. I'm bringing in my laptop to be fixed tomorrow. I'm like a nervous mama. She'll be gone a week or two. They charge a flat rate of $350. It'd be free if it was still under warranty. Which it is not. Oh well. There isn't anything else wrong. Just backlight or faulty wire problem connecting to the screen, which is located in the hinge. I'm getting a new one for Christmas, but I think mine is still worth fixing.
Zach is sick. Oh man, is he a MAN! He's been crying all day. He has flu-like symptoms. Headache. Fever. Runny/stuffy nose. Coughing. Aches and Pains. He's walking around like an old man. I'm arguing with him to take the darn Nyquil. It'll knock him out so he can get some rest. I love Nyquil. It is my favorite medicine in the world. I never sleep so good as I do on Nyquil. It makes being sick kind of fun for me. I definitely take advantage. Is that a headache with a stuffy nose and I think I have an ache in my knee...time for Nyquil! YAY! :)
I mentioned to Carl that I talked with Brian last week. He thentold Iona that I was back together with Brian! :) Or something to that effect. I told Claire I talked with Brian. She said, "Oh know. Don't do this to yourself." All I said was I talked to him! Carl said it is all over but the wedding! They're funny. I know they care. And Carl cracked us up today. He went on a trans-update with a client, at her home. She told him she'd been recently diagnosed with some kind of compulsive cleaning disorder and he looked around at the mess in the apartment and said, "I think you were misdiagnosed!" I am so glad I am working back at the office again! I'm only at the center Tuesday and Thursday nights now. I've missed everyone!
So anyway...I have to go tanning. I also have to go to the grocery store. I need to buy stuff for supper, cat food, laundry and dish detergent, and light bulbs. How did my life ever get so exciting.
Current Mood: good
Current Music: You Never Change........Ken Graves
I have a tanning appointment at 6:30. I'm bringing in my laptop to be fixed tomorrow. I'm like a nervous mama. She'll be gone a week or two. They charge a flat rate of $350. It'd be free if it was still under warranty. Which it is not. Oh well. There isn't anything else wrong. Just backlight or faulty wire problem connecting to the screen, which is located in the hinge. I'm getting a new one for Christmas, but I think mine is still worth fixing.
Zach is sick. Oh man, is he a MAN! He's been crying all day. He has flu-like symptoms. Headache. Fever. Runny/stuffy nose. Coughing. Aches and Pains. He's walking around like an old man. I'm arguing with him to take the darn Nyquil. It'll knock him out so he can get some rest. I love Nyquil. It is my favorite medicine in the world. I never sleep so good as I do on Nyquil. It makes being sick kind of fun for me. I definitely take advantage. Is that a headache with a stuffy nose and I think I have an ache in my knee...time for Nyquil! YAY! :)
I mentioned to Carl that I talked with Brian last week. He thentold Iona that I was back together with Brian! :) Or something to that effect. I told Claire I talked with Brian. She said, "Oh know. Don't do this to yourself." All I said was I talked to him! Carl said it is all over but the wedding! They're funny. I know they care. And Carl cracked us up today. He went on a trans-update with a client, at her home. She told him she'd been recently diagnosed with some kind of compulsive cleaning disorder and he looked around at the mess in the apartment and said, "I think you were misdiagnosed!" I am so glad I am working back at the office again! I'm only at the center Tuesday and Thursday nights now. I've missed everyone!
So anyway...I have to go tanning. I also have to go to the grocery store. I need to buy stuff for supper, cat food, laundry and dish detergent, and light bulbs. How did my life ever get so exciting.
Current Mood: good
Current Music: You Never Change........Ken Graves
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Welcome Benjamin Lawrence Graves!
Baby Ben Graves was born just a few days ago to a young lady at our Blessed Hope house, which is part of our church. It is for women who are trying to escape drugs and alcohol. They enroll for 6 months, and can do up to another 6, I believe. Pastor Ken also runs the manly version of Blessed Hope, with is called Seven Oaks. Same deal. Anyway, so this young woman, I won't name her by name, but she stayed on a few months longer than her 6 months to have the baby, which she gave to Ken and Jeanette to adopt. They brought the baby today and Ken introduced and dedicated him today. What a sweet baby and so very lucky to have such great parents. It is an open adoption and a relationship with the baby's birth mother is being encouraged by both Ken and Jeanette. She was still pregnant at my baptism. I hope that wasn't the last time I'll see her.
So anyway, welcome to the world little Ben! What a sweet and lucky boy you are!
I could not sleep at all last night. I tossed and turned. Finally, I read from the Bible and then spent at least two hours just talking things over with God about Brian. I needed some confirmation about some things and the Lord provided that confirmation, twice last night and once this morning. I definitely know I am on the right path. I drove to and from Augusta with Pastor Jim Russ. Jim and his wife both have pretty severe medical issues. Jim has had a leg amputated and has a pacemaker. His wife has a terminal brain disease. Anyway, I was just excited about my baptism and really excited about my deepening relationship with Christ and so I was sharing some of the stuff going on and the ways the Lord is working through my life. He said, "Jenn, thank you so much for riding with me. This was exactly what I needed. Your enthusiasm for the Lord is just what I needed to listen to. I've been really down about my health and even pastors need to be edified from time to time. Are you sure you don't want to come to our church?" Well, things got even more amazing on the way home. I filled him in on a little of what is going on with Brian and he said, "This is going to sound weird, but I am a pastor and sometimes these things just happen. I know you're a relatively new Christian, so don't be scared. But I have a message from the Lord. He said to me that you needed confirmation on a few things and I am to provide that for you. You will be a great teacher."
Me: "Well, Jim, that is because I AM a teacher."
Jim: "No, not just of children. You will write a book and be a teacher to a lot of women. And the man God has planned for you, Jenn, I don't know if it is Brian or not, God hasn't given me any names, but I see this man and he is so perfect for you. God does not want you to give up and asks that you just be patient a little longer. He is working on something very big in your life. There is also someone coming into your life soon to tell you what to do next."
Anyway, last night, I just had a million thoughts running through my head. This is so bizarre and wonderful at the same time. I mean, I know God has a plan for everyone but sometimes, especially when you're feeling low, it seems like "the plan" (especially when it is your plan and not someone else's) takes a long time to come to fruition.
I know I am on the right path and the private things I asked God to confirm last night, will remain private just a bit longer. I got the confirmation I needed and now I just need to focus on staying in postion for God to do His miracle.
Current Mood: good
Current Music: Wonderful Maker............Jeremy Camp
So anyway, welcome to the world little Ben! What a sweet and lucky boy you are!
I could not sleep at all last night. I tossed and turned. Finally, I read from the Bible and then spent at least two hours just talking things over with God about Brian. I needed some confirmation about some things and the Lord provided that confirmation, twice last night and once this morning. I definitely know I am on the right path. I drove to and from Augusta with Pastor Jim Russ. Jim and his wife both have pretty severe medical issues. Jim has had a leg amputated and has a pacemaker. His wife has a terminal brain disease. Anyway, I was just excited about my baptism and really excited about my deepening relationship with Christ and so I was sharing some of the stuff going on and the ways the Lord is working through my life. He said, "Jenn, thank you so much for riding with me. This was exactly what I needed. Your enthusiasm for the Lord is just what I needed to listen to. I've been really down about my health and even pastors need to be edified from time to time. Are you sure you don't want to come to our church?" Well, things got even more amazing on the way home. I filled him in on a little of what is going on with Brian and he said, "This is going to sound weird, but I am a pastor and sometimes these things just happen. I know you're a relatively new Christian, so don't be scared. But I have a message from the Lord. He said to me that you needed confirmation on a few things and I am to provide that for you. You will be a great teacher."
Me: "Well, Jim, that is because I AM a teacher."
Jim: "No, not just of children. You will write a book and be a teacher to a lot of women. And the man God has planned for you, Jenn, I don't know if it is Brian or not, God hasn't given me any names, but I see this man and he is so perfect for you. God does not want you to give up and asks that you just be patient a little longer. He is working on something very big in your life. There is also someone coming into your life soon to tell you what to do next."
Anyway, last night, I just had a million thoughts running through my head. This is so bizarre and wonderful at the same time. I mean, I know God has a plan for everyone but sometimes, especially when you're feeling low, it seems like "the plan" (especially when it is your plan and not someone else's) takes a long time to come to fruition.
I know I am on the right path and the private things I asked God to confirm last night, will remain private just a bit longer. I got the confirmation I needed and now I just need to focus on staying in postion for God to do His miracle.
Current Mood: good
Current Music: Wonderful Maker............Jeremy Camp
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Saturday Afternoon
I love Old Navy. I bought 3 shirts and 2 pairs of socks for $35. Can't beat that.
Nothing else special going on. The girls were laying in the sun. I went tanning instead. And then shopping. Listened to some music. I'm trying to keep my mind off of Brian. It was just last week that I was blogging about how much I missed ending the day talking to my best friend. Out of the blue, he emails me and we've been talking ever since. I needed that heart to heart connection for sure, but it really brought up a lot of feelings I haven't really worked through. It is also irritating that he can pick up right where we left off. Maybe I am more irritated because it is so obvious how much I still love him. Of course, I found my birthday card from him last summer. In it was written 1 Corinthians 13:4...Love is patient, Love is kind...and 13:5...It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Oh well, I DO have a room to clean, so that will keep my mind off of things.
Current Mood: okay
Current Music: Her Strut...........Bob Seger
Nothing else special going on. The girls were laying in the sun. I went tanning instead. And then shopping. Listened to some music. I'm trying to keep my mind off of Brian. It was just last week that I was blogging about how much I missed ending the day talking to my best friend. Out of the blue, he emails me and we've been talking ever since. I needed that heart to heart connection for sure, but it really brought up a lot of feelings I haven't really worked through. It is also irritating that he can pick up right where we left off. Maybe I am more irritated because it is so obvious how much I still love him. Of course, I found my birthday card from him last summer. In it was written 1 Corinthians 13:4...Love is patient, Love is kind...and 13:5...It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Oh well, I DO have a room to clean, so that will keep my mind off of things.
Current Mood: okay
Current Music: Her Strut...........Bob Seger
Saturday Morning
It is 10 AM. I slept in this morning. Caught up on all the sleep I lost. I took a "nap" from like 7-9 PM...Zach woke me up crying because he couldn't stop coughing. I hugged him and told him to close his window. I fell back to sleep and I didn't hear from him again until morning.
I ran into a former student Ben at Hannaford yesterday. He was one of my 8th graders when I was doing my student teaching. He is also the one who asked me to marry him. Anyway, he is friends with my daughter Kayla. They go to the same high school. So he comes over to me and says, "Where's my hug?"
Me: "Ben, you can't hug your teachers."
Ben: "You're not my teacher, you're my girlfriend!"
Me (laughing): "Geez, Ben. Besides, Kayla had quite the make-over this summer. Wait till you see her! You'll forget all about me!"
Ben: "I'll never forget my first love."
It was very sweet. Not in a sleazy I'm going to jail kind of way.
I want a BlackBerry. Not blackberries. A BlackBerry, as in the cell phone/PDA/email retriever.
Augusta is SO wireless! Everywhere I went, I could connect with my laptop. The Capitol building. The Civic Center. Panera. Barnes & Noble. I think my town is more wireless than Bangor. We got it at Ampersand's, McDonalds, and everywhere on campus, and the library.
It is 10:35. I have to take a shower. Shave my legs. Soften up my body. Augusta water at the hotel was very harsh. My skin has been dry all day. Kayla and Shannon are taking a walk. Zach went up the street to Dakota's house. He got halfway there, and turned around and came home. He still had his pj bottoms on. My son is SOOOO classy! :)
Current Mood: good
Current Music: Grace Like Rain..........Todd Agnew
I ran into a former student Ben at Hannaford yesterday. He was one of my 8th graders when I was doing my student teaching. He is also the one who asked me to marry him. Anyway, he is friends with my daughter Kayla. They go to the same high school. So he comes over to me and says, "Where's my hug?"
Me: "Ben, you can't hug your teachers."
Ben: "You're not my teacher, you're my girlfriend!"
Me (laughing): "Geez, Ben. Besides, Kayla had quite the make-over this summer. Wait till you see her! You'll forget all about me!"
Ben: "I'll never forget my first love."
It was very sweet. Not in a sleazy I'm going to jail kind of way.
I want a BlackBerry. Not blackberries. A BlackBerry, as in the cell phone/PDA/email retriever.
Augusta is SO wireless! Everywhere I went, I could connect with my laptop. The Capitol building. The Civic Center. Panera. Barnes & Noble. I think my town is more wireless than Bangor. We got it at Ampersand's, McDonalds, and everywhere on campus, and the library.
It is 10:35. I have to take a shower. Shave my legs. Soften up my body. Augusta water at the hotel was very harsh. My skin has been dry all day. Kayla and Shannon are taking a walk. Zach went up the street to Dakota's house. He got halfway there, and turned around and came home. He still had his pj bottoms on. My son is SOOOO classy! :)
Current Mood: good
Current Music: Grace Like Rain..........Todd Agnew
Friday, August 25, 2006
I'm Back
I'm back. It was a long two days, but fun! I'm glad I had the opportunity to go. Both the Governor and First Lady were there, as was the State Director for C4CY.
I am exhausted though, physically and mentally. Brian and I talked into the wee hours last night. He mentioned us and going to the Folk Festival. Of course, I want to see him, and I will if he comes down, but I am feeling very overwhelmed presently. He is going to Edmunston right now to visit with his friend Jim, who moved to Vermont. Jim took his mother back home today and is leaving tonight and wanted to meet for coffee before he had to head back. Brian hasn't seen him for 18 months.
ANYWAY...it is hard not to get caught up in all of this. I am going to call it a night right now. I know it is only 6 PM, but I am so tired.
I am exhausted though, physically and mentally. Brian and I talked into the wee hours last night. He mentioned us and going to the Folk Festival. Of course, I want to see him, and I will if he comes down, but I am feeling very overwhelmed presently. He is going to Edmunston right now to visit with his friend Jim, who moved to Vermont. Jim took his mother back home today and is leaving tonight and wanted to meet for coffee before he had to head back. Brian hasn't seen him for 18 months.
ANYWAY...it is hard not to get caught up in all of this. I am going to call it a night right now. I know it is only 6 PM, but I am so tired.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
August 24, 2006
Okay...so I am laying in a super deluxe king size bed...I can sleep diagonal, spread eagle, sideways...I've pretty much exhausted every position. I'm naked! The significance of that is an amazing fact! I am all alone. I have a huge bed all to myself. No dog. No kids. I am watching what I want on television!
I just got back from the attached restaurant. Some friends and I were down there having a few drinks. I seriously could get used to the hotel life! With a laptop, I can blog from anywhere. Hotels are all conveniently wireless. This is the life! :)
I talked to Brian some more tonight. He gave me a message from his nephew Grant, "When you see Jenn again, can you ask her why she hasn't come over for a long, long time?" That just broke my heart. That little boy has mild autism and doesn't make connections like that with just anyone, so it means a lot to me that he was asking about me.
I know just talking to Brian today doesn't really change anything between us or mean anything, but I have to be honest, it is so good to talk to my best friend. We haven't talked like this for 6 months. Tonight, I am just going to enjoy it. I am not going to think about my heart or how bad this is going to suck when he stops talking again. At least, I am not going to think about that tonight.
More good news...2nd year Vistas don't have to go to the early morning session. I don't have to go to the civic center until 11 AM tomorrow morning! So that means, I get to sleep in. Lounge around in my hotel room...ALL ALONE! :) Did I mention I am all alone? I know, I know. At home I'd be complaining about being alone without the kids...but come on! This is a hotel SUITE!
Oh, and the FIRST LADY OF MAINE was talking about ME to Chip last week. She is impressed with Park Woods and would like to maybe do a site visit sometime soon.
Current Mood: excellent
Current Movie: Signs
I just got back from the attached restaurant. Some friends and I were down there having a few drinks. I seriously could get used to the hotel life! With a laptop, I can blog from anywhere. Hotels are all conveniently wireless. This is the life! :)
I talked to Brian some more tonight. He gave me a message from his nephew Grant, "When you see Jenn again, can you ask her why she hasn't come over for a long, long time?" That just broke my heart. That little boy has mild autism and doesn't make connections like that with just anyone, so it means a lot to me that he was asking about me.
I know just talking to Brian today doesn't really change anything between us or mean anything, but I have to be honest, it is so good to talk to my best friend. We haven't talked like this for 6 months. Tonight, I am just going to enjoy it. I am not going to think about my heart or how bad this is going to suck when he stops talking again. At least, I am not going to think about that tonight.
More good news...2nd year Vistas don't have to go to the early morning session. I don't have to go to the civic center until 11 AM tomorrow morning! So that means, I get to sleep in. Lounge around in my hotel room...ALL ALONE! :) Did I mention I am all alone? I know, I know. At home I'd be complaining about being alone without the kids...but come on! This is a hotel SUITE!
Oh, and the FIRST LADY OF MAINE was talking about ME to Chip last week. She is impressed with Park Woods and would like to maybe do a site visit sometime soon.
Current Mood: excellent
Current Movie: Signs
Thursday Night
Guess who wasn't on the hotel register here at the Holiday Inn? Guess who had to get it approved by a high-up gov't official? Guess who has the last available room? Guess who has a lovely suite, with a king-size bed and all the amneties all to HERSELF??? Oooooh, poor poor me! :) I LOVE working for the government!
Okay, I'm meeting some friends for supper at the Ground Round. I'll blog tonight while I am all alone in my very lovely hotel room! :)
Okay, I'm meeting some friends for supper at the Ground Round. I'll blog tonight while I am all alone in my very lovely hotel room! :)
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Weirdness of My Life
Brian emailed me tonight. I got it when I came home from an exceptional night at church. He's doing a little better, adjusting to the death of his best friend. He said he saw the commercial of the Folk Festival for this weekend and thought of me. We went one year and listened to some music in one of the outdoor tents and then he led me down to the waterfront and leaned me up against the railing and gave me the most passionate kiss I have ever had in my entire life. It was beautiful. Two years later, we were talking about kisses and I said I bet he didn't know what my favorite kiss with him was, and instead of telling me, he showed me. This particular kiss started on my forehead and then my eyes and down my neck...it took forever before he actually got to my lips. Because of this kiss, I avoid going down there now.
Anyway, now I am kind of sad because I am thinking about things that I spend a lot of time trying to forget. I did email him back and filled him in on how the kids and I are doing. I also told him he is always in my prayers. I'm not sure if this means I forgive him or not. I guess if I didn't still love him, I'd have ignored him.
Sooooooo, I guess that is that. I am still waiting to see what God has planned for me.
Anyway, now I am kind of sad because I am thinking about things that I spend a lot of time trying to forget. I did email him back and filled him in on how the kids and I are doing. I also told him he is always in my prayers. I'm not sure if this means I forgive him or not. I guess if I didn't still love him, I'd have ignored him.
Sooooooo, I guess that is that. I am still waiting to see what God has planned for me.
Cable is Here!
The cable guy finally came! I'm going to have to go check out TiVo prices this weekend. Zach also wants a pair of Heelys before school starts. Those unbelieveably expensive sneakers with the small wheel in the heel. I also promised Debi I'd go with her to the laundromat. She is a laundromat virgin. She is always welcome to do laundry at my house and she can do some at her sister's and at Melissa's, but she'd like the option of the laundromat once in awhile, when she doesn't want to put out any of her friends. She is really nervous about going to a laundromat...so I offered to go with her and show her the ropes. Sometimes, when I have a lot of laundry to catch up on, I'll go and do all of it at ONCE. Throw it in the wash and get it all done and then throw it all in the dryer and then no more laundry! OR you can just drop it off and they do it for you! I've done that before, too! You just pay by the pound. I happen to like doing laundry, though, except the sorting part, and find it relaxing on most days, so I do it here at home. My neighbor has a cleaning lady and only pays her like $50 a week, so I think I am getting a cleaning lady! Someone to dust, while I'm out of the house, so it doesn't affect my allergies. I'll do laundry. She can sweep. Mop some floors. AJ had a maid, and while I was living there, I ended up helping her. When she'd leave, she'd write a note, thanking "whoever" did the laundry that week. We didn't have a maid out to the lake house though, so I ended up doing all of that place myself. We broke up right after I cleaned all of the grout in the ceremic floor tile and washed all of the windows inside and out!
So far, I got the computer packed. And my laundry is done, so packing my clothes shouldn't be too hard. I don't really need clothes except for my bathing suit, my skirt and jammies. I'll be wearing clothes there tomorrow and on Friday, we're all wearing our new matching Polos that we'll get tomorrow for our group picture with the Governor. So I'll wear that with my jean skirt. There...that was easy! :)
As much as I'd like to just skip going to Augusta, at least it is catered. My gas is reimbursed. I don't have to pay for the hotel AND I get a new shirt! Cool beans.
I'm looking forward to church tonight.
So far, I got the computer packed. And my laundry is done, so packing my clothes shouldn't be too hard. I don't really need clothes except for my bathing suit, my skirt and jammies. I'll be wearing clothes there tomorrow and on Friday, we're all wearing our new matching Polos that we'll get tomorrow for our group picture with the Governor. So I'll wear that with my jean skirt. There...that was easy! :)
As much as I'd like to just skip going to Augusta, at least it is catered. My gas is reimbursed. I don't have to pay for the hotel AND I get a new shirt! Cool beans.
I'm looking forward to church tonight.
MacBook
I am currently blogging on a new (17-inch I think) MacBook...Oh, I am love! However, everything on it is almost the same as what I presently have. The bigger screen is nice, as I've already played around and done some iPhotos and iMovies on it! Jim has a really cool photo to movie program that I love playing with. He also has a program on it for Claymation. I think I am going to take advantage of my friendship and borrow this more often! Garage Band is cool, too. I don't have that. It is for podcasting, da! But while the bigger screen IS nice, I prefer the size and weight of my present iBook for travel. This MacBook would be ideal if I were to just sit around the house or office and play all day, but the length of the 17-inch is a bit more cumbersome and with my clutziness, the smaller the size, the better off both that laptop and I will be! :) The keyboard makes little clicky noises when you type, and I happen to like that because I can type pretty fast and I like hearing that noise. Makes me feel productive! But I can see how some might like the silent type, like my keyboard. I can only hear my fingernails clicking on that one. Also, the mouse on this one makes a bit of a squeaky noise, but that could just be because it is new and hasn't really been broken in yet! Something about it makes me sit up straighter and higher.
Maybe I'll keep my laptop, and splurge on a G5 desktop, instead of buying the new MacBook like I was originally planning. There is no way I can afford both for myself for Christmas.
I like the cleanliness of this laptop. Mine is definitely used and ghetto now, but that is what makes her mine! Her keys are familiar under my fingers. I know her sounds and quirks. We've put in a lot of hours of writing during these past two years. Her hard drive is named Big Bad Ben.
Who knew I was such a geek? You should see me drool over the Bose home theater system that costs like $9000 to have installed in your home from Bestbuy. I am also equally a geek in office supply stores and book stores. I love paper, pens, clips, Sharpies, post-its...you name it!
Okay...I am STILL waiting for this cable guy! Come on! Show up already! I am leaving here at 5 for church, so he better have plans on arriving sometime before then!
Well, I have to go pack for tomorrow.
Maybe I'll keep my laptop, and splurge on a G5 desktop, instead of buying the new MacBook like I was originally planning. There is no way I can afford both for myself for Christmas.
I like the cleanliness of this laptop. Mine is definitely used and ghetto now, but that is what makes her mine! Her keys are familiar under my fingers. I know her sounds and quirks. We've put in a lot of hours of writing during these past two years. Her hard drive is named Big Bad Ben.
Who knew I was such a geek? You should see me drool over the Bose home theater system that costs like $9000 to have installed in your home from Bestbuy. I am also equally a geek in office supply stores and book stores. I love paper, pens, clips, Sharpies, post-its...you name it!
Okay...I am STILL waiting for this cable guy! Come on! Show up already! I am leaving here at 5 for church, so he better have plans on arriving sometime before then!
Well, I have to go pack for tomorrow.
August 23, 2006
I'm waiting for the cable guy. Other than that, I am in a pretty great mood.
I'm not looking forward to driving to Augusta tomorrow.
I actually went grocery shopping last night. I haven't really had to with Zach gone. Now that he is back, I've had to stock up on things like bologna and cheese, peanut butter and jelly, cereal and a ton of milk. I bought some yummy seafood & crab spread for crackers. I toasted up some broken pieces of pita bread for it and it was delicious! I ran into two high school friends while there. April and Kristy. It was like a mini high school reunion there for a sec.
Kayla came back last night. I had all of my babies home! Plus Shannon and my nephew Cody. The younger three camped out in the living room last night. I watched 4 episodes of The O.C. Seth and Summer are back together! :) I like that they're engaged in real life, too! They are just so cute.
I'm not looking forward to driving to Augusta tomorrow.
I actually went grocery shopping last night. I haven't really had to with Zach gone. Now that he is back, I've had to stock up on things like bologna and cheese, peanut butter and jelly, cereal and a ton of milk. I bought some yummy seafood & crab spread for crackers. I toasted up some broken pieces of pita bread for it and it was delicious! I ran into two high school friends while there. April and Kristy. It was like a mini high school reunion there for a sec.
Kayla came back last night. I had all of my babies home! Plus Shannon and my nephew Cody. The younger three camped out in the living room last night. I watched 4 episodes of The O.C. Seth and Summer are back together! :) I like that they're engaged in real life, too! They are just so cute.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Special Day
I recently heard that Julia Roberts goes up to two weeks without washing her hair. YUCK!
Today was one of those days when I said what I wanted to say, to whom I wanted to say it.
Most everyone here knows my testimony. I certainly lived a wild and carefree life, living the way I wanted to live, and paying for it emotionally. I didn't really know heartbreak because I never let myself care enough about anyone in that way. I was always at the center. When I met Jim, he was my professor. Professor/student relationships are generally frowned upon at UMaine, so we waited until classes ended. After a whirlwind of fun, Jim went home to PA to visit his aging parents. He came back and out of the blue stated that we had to stop sleeping together. "Huh?" I stated. "I've found my religion," Jim replied.
I didn't know what to do. He didn't leave me for another woman. He wasn't sleeping with anyone else. He left me...for God. How do I compete with THAT? Compete, I did. For two years, I gave Jim every argument in the book about how he was a hypocrite, how he was brainwashed, how he'd joined a cult. For two years, Jim patiently stood by while I begged, pleaded, bullied and manipulated him to turn back into the man I wanted to be with. For two years, he begged and pleaded with me to just give it a try.
After his son was in a coma for 2 months, I actually prayed to a God that I didn't even know, if He would just give Jim back his son, I'd stop pursuing him. Justin woke up and is now a healthy happy 21 year old. A week after Justin was released from the hospital, I met with Jim at his office. I was going to tell him that we needed to end things. We needed to end our friendship because I still wanted him in a non-Christian sense and it wasn't fair to either one of us. I needed to move on and it was too difficult when I was talking to him everyday, talking on the phone every night. That is what I had all planned out to tell him. I was so sick about ending our friendship, I had the most severe case of hives I've ever had. I sat there with Jim on a park bench, itching like crazy, when the conversation took an unexpected turn.
Jim wanted to talk about church again. Frankly, I'd had enough. I didn't want to hear it anymore. I just wanted to talk to the old Jim for a few minutes so we could finish it off. Mind you, this is a man that has never, in all of my experience with him, EVER said the right thing at the right time. That miracle in itself is obviously of God. He just grabbed my hands, looked me in the eyes and pleaded once more. I broke down into tears and realizing I was losing the battle, I asked one more time about the whole hypocrite thing. He said, "Jennifer, for an English teacher, you're not being very smart. The definition of a hypocrite is knowing something is wrong and continuing to do it anyway. Or a person who says one thing and does another. If you do something wrong, and you turn your back on it, and nail it to the cross...all that makes you is forgiven."
That next Sunday, I went to church and a few Sundays after that, I gave myself to the Lord. Jim and I did see each other after my conversion. We dated all thru the summer and to be honest, we were playing with fire. We were definitely being hypocrites at that point. We both got convicted at church about our behavior, during the same service actually and decided we needed to take a few weeks off. Figure out what we wanted. I knew Jim wanted to be married to a Godly woman. For me, I definitely saw myself with him for an indefinite amount of time, but realistically, he is 22 years older than me. I still hadn't had the courage to introduce him to my parents and I didn't see that ever happening. Kind of hard to marry a man you can never introduce to your family!
So during our first week and a half apart, I was out with friends and met Brian. I spent the next 3 weeks avoiding Jim. He kept calling and emailing, saying "We need to talk." I really liked Brian at this point and wanted to continue seeing him. I wasn't quite sure how I was going to break this to Jim. Lo and behold, I was anxious for not. Jim had been trying to get a hold of me to tell me he had met someone. Only Jim's news was bigger. They were getting married. After my head stopped spinning, I hugged him and congratulated him. He looked at me with relief and said, "There, now everyone who is most important to me, knows."
I wish I could say we both ended up happily ever after. I mean, we have, but not in the way I thought we would. There is still an obvious attraction to each other that pops up occasionally (not THAT kind of pop up...sick-ohs), so we don't see each alone very often and lately, not at all, unless others are present. Our friendship has changed drastically over the last 3 years. But...today, I was able to tell him just how important he is to me. He mentioned that I'm always in his prayers and he only wants the what is best for me. I told him that he is in my prayers too, and that he will always hold a special place because he is the one through whom the Lord found me.
I remember one time Jim telling me that he would die a fulfilled man if he could bring just one person to the Lord. Today, I think he knows that he accomplished that!
And what a wonderful God, who could manage to make so many good things happen from something that started out for all of the wrong reasons!
Today was one of those days when I said what I wanted to say, to whom I wanted to say it.
Most everyone here knows my testimony. I certainly lived a wild and carefree life, living the way I wanted to live, and paying for it emotionally. I didn't really know heartbreak because I never let myself care enough about anyone in that way. I was always at the center. When I met Jim, he was my professor. Professor/student relationships are generally frowned upon at UMaine, so we waited until classes ended. After a whirlwind of fun, Jim went home to PA to visit his aging parents. He came back and out of the blue stated that we had to stop sleeping together. "Huh?" I stated. "I've found my religion," Jim replied.
I didn't know what to do. He didn't leave me for another woman. He wasn't sleeping with anyone else. He left me...for God. How do I compete with THAT? Compete, I did. For two years, I gave Jim every argument in the book about how he was a hypocrite, how he was brainwashed, how he'd joined a cult. For two years, Jim patiently stood by while I begged, pleaded, bullied and manipulated him to turn back into the man I wanted to be with. For two years, he begged and pleaded with me to just give it a try.
After his son was in a coma for 2 months, I actually prayed to a God that I didn't even know, if He would just give Jim back his son, I'd stop pursuing him. Justin woke up and is now a healthy happy 21 year old. A week after Justin was released from the hospital, I met with Jim at his office. I was going to tell him that we needed to end things. We needed to end our friendship because I still wanted him in a non-Christian sense and it wasn't fair to either one of us. I needed to move on and it was too difficult when I was talking to him everyday, talking on the phone every night. That is what I had all planned out to tell him. I was so sick about ending our friendship, I had the most severe case of hives I've ever had. I sat there with Jim on a park bench, itching like crazy, when the conversation took an unexpected turn.
Jim wanted to talk about church again. Frankly, I'd had enough. I didn't want to hear it anymore. I just wanted to talk to the old Jim for a few minutes so we could finish it off. Mind you, this is a man that has never, in all of my experience with him, EVER said the right thing at the right time. That miracle in itself is obviously of God. He just grabbed my hands, looked me in the eyes and pleaded once more. I broke down into tears and realizing I was losing the battle, I asked one more time about the whole hypocrite thing. He said, "Jennifer, for an English teacher, you're not being very smart. The definition of a hypocrite is knowing something is wrong and continuing to do it anyway. Or a person who says one thing and does another. If you do something wrong, and you turn your back on it, and nail it to the cross...all that makes you is forgiven."
That next Sunday, I went to church and a few Sundays after that, I gave myself to the Lord. Jim and I did see each other after my conversion. We dated all thru the summer and to be honest, we were playing with fire. We were definitely being hypocrites at that point. We both got convicted at church about our behavior, during the same service actually and decided we needed to take a few weeks off. Figure out what we wanted. I knew Jim wanted to be married to a Godly woman. For me, I definitely saw myself with him for an indefinite amount of time, but realistically, he is 22 years older than me. I still hadn't had the courage to introduce him to my parents and I didn't see that ever happening. Kind of hard to marry a man you can never introduce to your family!
So during our first week and a half apart, I was out with friends and met Brian. I spent the next 3 weeks avoiding Jim. He kept calling and emailing, saying "We need to talk." I really liked Brian at this point and wanted to continue seeing him. I wasn't quite sure how I was going to break this to Jim. Lo and behold, I was anxious for not. Jim had been trying to get a hold of me to tell me he had met someone. Only Jim's news was bigger. They were getting married. After my head stopped spinning, I hugged him and congratulated him. He looked at me with relief and said, "There, now everyone who is most important to me, knows."
I wish I could say we both ended up happily ever after. I mean, we have, but not in the way I thought we would. There is still an obvious attraction to each other that pops up occasionally (not THAT kind of pop up...sick-ohs), so we don't see each alone very often and lately, not at all, unless others are present. Our friendship has changed drastically over the last 3 years. But...today, I was able to tell him just how important he is to me. He mentioned that I'm always in his prayers and he only wants the what is best for me. I told him that he is in my prayers too, and that he will always hold a special place because he is the one through whom the Lord found me.
I remember one time Jim telling me that he would die a fulfilled man if he could bring just one person to the Lord. Today, I think he knows that he accomplished that!
And what a wonderful God, who could manage to make so many good things happen from something that started out for all of the wrong reasons!
Monday, August 21, 2006
Tons of Crap
I'm kind of bored right now, so I am blogging again. I have a ton of things to clean, so I shouldn't be bored. I have a ton of books to read, so again, I shouldn't be bored. Bored. Lonely. All the same sometimes. Not the kind of lonely that a "Hey, let's hang out" will fix. This lonliness is there even when I am surrounded by people. I have no nightly phone calls from Brian to look forward to anymore. What sucks the most is that not only did I love him, he was my very best friend. I find myself at different points during the day, thinking "Oh I can't wait to tell Brian." Only to remember that no, I won't be telling Brian. It is like breaking up all over again.
I had a talk with God a few weeks ago and prayed that if Brian wasn't THE one, then please let me forget about him. God was very silent on that one for awhile and when He finally spoke to me on it, He said, "Forgive him." Soooooo, I've really been struggling with that one. I don't want to forgive him. Then God said, "How can you expect forgiveness if you are unwilling to forgive?" Well, it's easy! Forgiveness for me and judgement for everyone else! Then He said, "Brian doesn't know Me, so he can't be expected to act like Me. You, on the other hand, profess to know Me, so you need to act like it." Basically, the message I got loud and clear is, God will not let Brian leave my mind until I can find forgiveness for him. And mean it.
And we already know that I am unwilling to jump into another relationship just to forget Brian. So when given the opportunity to do things the easy way or the extremely hard, 100 angry elephants stomping on my heart kind of way, why is it I always choose the elephants? WHY? Ultimately, it is my pride. My pride is saying, "That dinkweed deserves to spend all of eternity listening to fingernails on a chalkboard, on a BOSE home theater, amplified x's 1000, for hearing me tell him I love him." And Jesus is saying let it go. By not letting it go, who is actually paying for it? Brian? No. Me. I need to forgive and then maybe I can forget.
A fact I recently learned...1 in every 2 marriages end in divorce. Of born-again Christian marriages, 1 in every 1000 end in divorce. Amazing odds when God is on your side.
Once, Brian told me that he loved me so much that if he found out that I was going to die, but that if he traded his life for mine I'd be able to live, he said he wouldn't think twice about it. I feel like such an Alanis Morissette song. "Does she know how you told me you'd hold me until you died/ Till you died,/But you're still alive." And I'm here. With a single tear leaking out of the corner of my eye, listening to traffic, trying to recognize Vance and Hines, very angry that I even have knowledge of Vance & Hines.
Current Mood: as discussed
Current Music: not Alanis
I had a talk with God a few weeks ago and prayed that if Brian wasn't THE one, then please let me forget about him. God was very silent on that one for awhile and when He finally spoke to me on it, He said, "Forgive him." Soooooo, I've really been struggling with that one. I don't want to forgive him. Then God said, "How can you expect forgiveness if you are unwilling to forgive?" Well, it's easy! Forgiveness for me and judgement for everyone else! Then He said, "Brian doesn't know Me, so he can't be expected to act like Me. You, on the other hand, profess to know Me, so you need to act like it." Basically, the message I got loud and clear is, God will not let Brian leave my mind until I can find forgiveness for him. And mean it.
And we already know that I am unwilling to jump into another relationship just to forget Brian. So when given the opportunity to do things the easy way or the extremely hard, 100 angry elephants stomping on my heart kind of way, why is it I always choose the elephants? WHY? Ultimately, it is my pride. My pride is saying, "That dinkweed deserves to spend all of eternity listening to fingernails on a chalkboard, on a BOSE home theater, amplified x's 1000, for hearing me tell him I love him." And Jesus is saying let it go. By not letting it go, who is actually paying for it? Brian? No. Me. I need to forgive and then maybe I can forget.
A fact I recently learned...1 in every 2 marriages end in divorce. Of born-again Christian marriages, 1 in every 1000 end in divorce. Amazing odds when God is on your side.
Once, Brian told me that he loved me so much that if he found out that I was going to die, but that if he traded his life for mine I'd be able to live, he said he wouldn't think twice about it. I feel like such an Alanis Morissette song. "Does she know how you told me you'd hold me until you died/ Till you died,/But you're still alive." And I'm here. With a single tear leaking out of the corner of my eye, listening to traffic, trying to recognize Vance and Hines, very angry that I even have knowledge of Vance & Hines.
Current Mood: as discussed
Current Music: not Alanis
August 21, 2006
What a long day! The center was very busy. I caught up in the office with Iona and Claire. I found out from Chip that a trip to Augusta is unavoidable! Crap! I was hoping we'd really only have to be at the PSO for one day, not both. Soooo, I will be staying at the Holiday Inn there. Pool and hot tub, though, so that is cool. Friday night and all day Saturday (weather permitting) we'll be in Old Orchard.
Sooooo, I already finished the David Sedaris book less than 24 hours after starting it. Loved it! I'm now reading Eugenia Price. It is fantastic. I love it.
I am very tired. I'll be going to bed early tonight. My cable will be hooked back up on Wednesday. Tonight we're having frozen pizza and frozen pizza rolls. Yum Yum!
Tomorrow night, Zach and I have a meeting at his school for everyone wanting to participate in Fall sports. It is mandatory for parents and kids. Zach wants to play football.
I go back to my regular schedule next week. Mondays and Fridays in the office, 8-4:30 and Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday nights at the center.
I need a new battery for my iBook. $129. Hopefully I can get a better deal on campus.
Sooooo, I already finished the David Sedaris book less than 24 hours after starting it. Loved it! I'm now reading Eugenia Price. It is fantastic. I love it.
I am very tired. I'll be going to bed early tonight. My cable will be hooked back up on Wednesday. Tonight we're having frozen pizza and frozen pizza rolls. Yum Yum!
Tomorrow night, Zach and I have a meeting at his school for everyone wanting to participate in Fall sports. It is mandatory for parents and kids. Zach wants to play football.
I go back to my regular schedule next week. Mondays and Fridays in the office, 8-4:30 and Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday nights at the center.
I need a new battery for my iBook. $129. Hopefully I can get a better deal on campus.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Sunday Night
We watched a movie at church tonight. It was actually a science show on the Universe, but our pastor was really inspired after seeing it and wanted to share it with us. Kind of a new twist. Instead of science trying to disprove the existence of God, it was celebrating just how perfect our solar system is to support life on earth. A little too perfect. The fact that earth resides in the "Goldilocks Zone"...any closer to the sun and we'd be too hot...any further away, we'd be too cold, but right exactly where we are: just right! The fact that we have just the right amount of iron in the earth to create just the right gravitational pull, that our moon is exactly the right size and distance from us and the sun to create a sustainable temperate zone.
My new neighbor is home. Big Poppy. That is what I call him. He really does look like David Ortiz. I should learn my lesson, though. Before Big Poppy, we had Long Duck Dong. His real name was Chen, but he ALWAYS blocked me in with his horrible parking, so I'd get grumpy in the morning, trying to get to work or wherever, and I'd call him Long Duck Dong (16 Candles)...well, this backfired one day when I was in the kitchen when Zach mentioned he had to run out and tell Long Duck something. I blanched. "Zachary Tyler! You did not call him Long Duck Dong, did you? To his face?"
"That's his name, right?"
"No!!! His name is Chen. Mommy just calls him that because he parks bad! Oh, I am going to Hell! Thank you very much!" Who needs enemies when you have kids?
So I bought the movie Sixteen Candles so the kids could watch it and see what a bad parent I am. Zach then got in the habit of saying, "What's hap'n hot stuff?" to me whenever we were in the company of Chen. Not my most proud parenting moment. A parenting moment right up there with the day the kids discovered "the drawer". You know the drawer. The personal drawer. The drawer that you blindly assume is safe and private because your kids are little. Kind of like Adam and Eve not realizing they're naked until eating the fruit. Yeah, THE drawer. What do you keep in your drawer? I have various love notes from boyfriends since 5th grade. Various sex toys. Lotions. Potions. Condoms. My diaphragm, which is how I discovered my kids had discovered my drawer. Pictures. Yeah, those kind. Incriminating ones that would ruin my political career. One of those drawers that scream "Is this where you want to be when Jesus comes back?"
So, I took a nap today.
The kids go back to school the week after next.
Current Mood: great
Current Music: Zach singing "B-O-L-O-G-N-A" to Gwen Stefani's Banana song.
My new neighbor is home. Big Poppy. That is what I call him. He really does look like David Ortiz. I should learn my lesson, though. Before Big Poppy, we had Long Duck Dong. His real name was Chen, but he ALWAYS blocked me in with his horrible parking, so I'd get grumpy in the morning, trying to get to work or wherever, and I'd call him Long Duck Dong (16 Candles)...well, this backfired one day when I was in the kitchen when Zach mentioned he had to run out and tell Long Duck something. I blanched. "Zachary Tyler! You did not call him Long Duck Dong, did you? To his face?"
"That's his name, right?"
"No!!! His name is Chen. Mommy just calls him that because he parks bad! Oh, I am going to Hell! Thank you very much!" Who needs enemies when you have kids?
So I bought the movie Sixteen Candles so the kids could watch it and see what a bad parent I am. Zach then got in the habit of saying, "What's hap'n hot stuff?" to me whenever we were in the company of Chen. Not my most proud parenting moment. A parenting moment right up there with the day the kids discovered "the drawer". You know the drawer. The personal drawer. The drawer that you blindly assume is safe and private because your kids are little. Kind of like Adam and Eve not realizing they're naked until eating the fruit. Yeah, THE drawer. What do you keep in your drawer? I have various love notes from boyfriends since 5th grade. Various sex toys. Lotions. Potions. Condoms. My diaphragm, which is how I discovered my kids had discovered my drawer. Pictures. Yeah, those kind. Incriminating ones that would ruin my political career. One of those drawers that scream "Is this where you want to be when Jesus comes back?"
So, I took a nap today.
The kids go back to school the week after next.
Current Mood: great
Current Music: Zach singing "B-O-L-O-G-N-A" to Gwen Stefani's Banana song.
Mommy & Zachie
I missed this face! We were waiting to be seated at our table at the Texas Roadhouse.
Hayley & Zach
What's this? The first real smile on Hayley's face all summer! She is glad to have her baby brother home!
Dad & Zach
I have a picture of Mike and Zach as an infant sitting in this same pose, with Zach just wearing his diaper, on Mike's chest. Not much has changed except the baby doesn't wear diapers anymore!
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Group Shot
This is the group of us. I'm up! Three younger girls went before me. It had been cloudy earlier and I was saying to my friends, "Can't the sun come out at least while we're in the freezing cold water?"
As I was ready to go in, the sun broke thru the clouds, even though it is hard to see in the pic. Everyone on the beach was cheering, "Yay, Jenn, you got your wish!" It was very sweet!
As I was ready to go in, the sun broke thru the clouds, even though it is hard to see in the pic. Everyone on the beach was cheering, "Yay, Jenn, you got your wish!" It was very sweet!
Ken & Jenn
Me...getting ready to be submerged! I lost my sunglasses and a flipflop during this big event. I think it was God's way of telling me to say goodbye to the material girl I was before the baptism!
Ken & Hayley
Hayley getting baptized...you'll notice my Gucci sunglasses on her head. I had her hold on to them while I got baptized. That would be my butt in the bottom of the picture.
Coming Up
Hayley coming up for air.
You'll notice she came up without my sunglasses! My GUCCI sunglasses! Ouch!
You'll notice she came up without my sunglasses! My GUCCI sunglasses! Ouch!
Gracie
My friend Gracie...actually she is my friend Melissa's youngest, who loved eating my strawberries!!! She is a very precocious 3, but she tells everyone she is "18 going on 17!"
Way too cute!
Way too cute!
Friday, August 18, 2006
Still Friday Evening
Well, dinner at the Olive Garden was nice. We were in and out in less than an hour. Hayley and I stopped into Goodwill to check out the book selection and hit the mother load.
I got:
Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim..........David Sedaris.....I love this guy. My life is a cross between his and Erma Bombeck's. They both see things and/or think things in similar ways that I do.
Digital Fortress...........Dan Brown....I loved the other two books and *Gasp* I'm a Christian!
Desperation...............Stephen King....apparently I missed this one along with Needful Things.
Daily Devotions.......Dr. Jack Van Impe.......One memory verse a day.
Birthright..............Nora Roberts...another author big on trilogy.
The Burden is Light.......Eugenia Price
Discoveries.......Eugenia Price
Early Will I Seek You..........Eugenia Price......This is amazing because I have LOVED Eugenia for a very long time. She has written three seperate trilogies about the Old South, which I've read and fallen in love with, being the huge fan of Gone With the Wind (anyone who knows me, knows this about me...my screen name is Jennluvsgable for a reason!) Anyway...while going thru the books, I recognized Eugenia's name and was surprised to learn that she was a non-believer for a long time, and these three stories are representive of her walk with Christ. The first story is that of her conversion. I can't wait to read these!
I got:
Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim..........David Sedaris.....I love this guy. My life is a cross between his and Erma Bombeck's. They both see things and/or think things in similar ways that I do.
Digital Fortress...........Dan Brown....I loved the other two books and *Gasp* I'm a Christian!
Desperation...............Stephen King....apparently I missed this one along with Needful Things.
Daily Devotions.......Dr. Jack Van Impe.......One memory verse a day.
Birthright..............Nora Roberts...another author big on trilogy.
The Burden is Light.......Eugenia Price
Discoveries.......Eugenia Price
Early Will I Seek You..........Eugenia Price......This is amazing because I have LOVED Eugenia for a very long time. She has written three seperate trilogies about the Old South, which I've read and fallen in love with, being the huge fan of Gone With the Wind (anyone who knows me, knows this about me...my screen name is Jennluvsgable for a reason!) Anyway...while going thru the books, I recognized Eugenia's name and was surprised to learn that she was a non-believer for a long time, and these three stories are representive of her walk with Christ. The first story is that of her conversion. I can't wait to read these!
Friday Evening
I think Hayley and I are going to enjoy our last night (alone without her brother and sister) by going to supper at The Olive Garden. Soup, salad and breadsticks....YUM!!! After, we have to buy the snake a damn mouse! I'll make sure I buy the mouse last thing, so I don't have any other mishaps! Even though I miss the other two like crazy, Hayley and I really needed this time together. She is the middle child and doesn't have the distinction of being the oldest or the youngest or even being the first girl. Zach got a double whammy, being the baby AND the only boy. After that, we'll rent some movies.
I finally broke down and ordered cable again. I'm going to give it a 3 month trial run. If I find we're using it, then I'll continue subscribing. I'm only getting basic this time, instead of everything, like I used to have in the past. For one thing, it'll be cheaper and for another, the kids and I like to rent movies and also go to the movie theater, so I don't need all of the movie channels. MTV is needed because I love their addictive reality tv shows. I also need Fox, FX, WB, so I can get The OC, 7th Heaven, 90201 repeats, etc. Zach will appreciate having Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network and Disney back. All the other shows we like are on ABC. Dancing with the Stars, WifeSwap, Super Nanny, Grey's Anatomy. Yes, Bailey, it looks like Jennifer is finally buying a TiVo.
Shannon and I got awesome Hooters tank tops! They are cool. I'll post a pic of them sometime.
Current Mood: GREAT!
Current Music: After Midnight................Eric Clapton
I finally broke down and ordered cable again. I'm going to give it a 3 month trial run. If I find we're using it, then I'll continue subscribing. I'm only getting basic this time, instead of everything, like I used to have in the past. For one thing, it'll be cheaper and for another, the kids and I like to rent movies and also go to the movie theater, so I don't need all of the movie channels. MTV is needed because I love their addictive reality tv shows. I also need Fox, FX, WB, so I can get The OC, 7th Heaven, 90201 repeats, etc. Zach will appreciate having Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network and Disney back. All the other shows we like are on ABC. Dancing with the Stars, WifeSwap, Super Nanny, Grey's Anatomy. Yes, Bailey, it looks like Jennifer is finally buying a TiVo.
Shannon and I got awesome Hooters tank tops! They are cool. I'll post a pic of them sometime.
Current Mood: GREAT!
Current Music: After Midnight................Eric Clapton
Old Orchard Wrap-Up
Old Orchard was fun. I can't wait to go back next weekend. Zach and Kayla will be joining us. Next weekend will likely be the last time we get down there until next summer. The kids will be starting school the week after next.
The weekend after Old Orchard weekend, I think the kids and I will spend the day on Bar Island, which is in Bar Harbor, so we'll still be at the ocean, just closer to home.
Soooooo, let's see...the most memorable event that happened in Old Orchard yesterday:
A car full of Mexicans pulled up while we were walking by and I got to hear "Ooooh, we like!" I replied, "Oooooh, we don't!"
The weekend after Old Orchard weekend, I think the kids and I will spend the day on Bar Island, which is in Bar Harbor, so we'll still be at the ocean, just closer to home.
Soooooo, let's see...the most memorable event that happened in Old Orchard yesterday:
A car full of Mexicans pulled up while we were walking by and I got to hear "Ooooh, we like!" I replied, "Oooooh, we don't!"
Jennifer Lynn
The ever elusive wet head shot. Rarely do I swim underwater for 2 reasons...My hair usually gets frizzy the rest of the day and if I have plans later, and I don't have time to shower, I look like crap, and reason number two is that I usually have my contacts in and I hate losing one or both! But I threw caution into the wind and just had a good time with the girls. I didn't lose my contacts and my hair didn't get too frizzy.
Hayley & Mommy
Collapsing back on land after spending hours playing in the waves. King Triton pummeled our asses, knocking us around in the water. I'm surprised I didn't have a stroke from high blood pressure after consuming as much salt water as I did yesterday! It was fun, though!
Mermaid Hair
My hair au natural. No product...no curling iron...no hair straightener. Just sandy salty ocean water.
I have naturally curly hair which I loathe, and I spend most days straightening it.
I have naturally curly hair which I loathe, and I spend most days straightening it.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Wednesday Night
Church was good. I had a chance to catch up with Debi (it has only been since Sunday night since I've talked with her! :) ). We talked a little about my upcoming baptism. I'm excited! Ken talked a lot tonight about some Bible prophecies. He's talked before about a future prophecy with Damascus being destroyed. He also had an article that he read, in which Israel was going to bomb Damascus back in 2001, and the US and UN had to talk them out of it. It is a little disturbing to think that they were close to doing it then, before everything had escalated to the point where we're at now.
I am almost through reading the entire Bible. Not bad since I started it in earnest in the beginning of July. I made a little deal with Jesus...not to come back until:
A.) I finished the Bible.
B.) The kids and I got baptized.
C.) The kids were all back in my possession.
I used to be really scared of dying. I would sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and it would just hit me that "It is going to happen someday" and I'd get really scared and I'd start feeling sick. Usually by morning, I'd be over it. Now I don't have any fear about dying at all. So to anyone who may not believe in God or Jesus, or the end of times, you still have to reconcile your fears of your ultimate demise. For me, having faith in something that is far greater than what is here on earth, in a God who is better than any superhero man can imagine, a God who makes it easy for me to spend the rest of my days LIVING like there is no tomorrow, is a much smarter choice (for me) than to sit around being too scared to live, too scared to die, being trapped and enslaved by the ways of man. It is weird for me that the real fear that I had has completely disappeared and that I now look forward to the day I meet my maker. I would love for God to tarry a bit more so I could meet my grandkids and see my kids get married, but I would love for Him to come back tomorrow, too. When He's ready, we'll be ready.
I am almost through reading the entire Bible. Not bad since I started it in earnest in the beginning of July. I made a little deal with Jesus...not to come back until:
A.) I finished the Bible.
B.) The kids and I got baptized.
C.) The kids were all back in my possession.
I used to be really scared of dying. I would sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and it would just hit me that "It is going to happen someday" and I'd get really scared and I'd start feeling sick. Usually by morning, I'd be over it. Now I don't have any fear about dying at all. So to anyone who may not believe in God or Jesus, or the end of times, you still have to reconcile your fears of your ultimate demise. For me, having faith in something that is far greater than what is here on earth, in a God who is better than any superhero man can imagine, a God who makes it easy for me to spend the rest of my days LIVING like there is no tomorrow, is a much smarter choice (for me) than to sit around being too scared to live, too scared to die, being trapped and enslaved by the ways of man. It is weird for me that the real fear that I had has completely disappeared and that I now look forward to the day I meet my maker. I would love for God to tarry a bit more so I could meet my grandkids and see my kids get married, but I would love for Him to come back tomorrow, too. When He's ready, we'll be ready.
Wednesday Afternoon
So I didn't do nearly as much today as I had planned. I didn't go out to camp to visit with my grandparents or my aunt and cousins. I didn't take my other grandmother to the bank.
I did sit outside for about an hour today and I washed/dried and folded my sheets/blankets and pillowcases that were on my bed. I went to the grocery store.
I have to watch Primetime tonight. They sucked me in with their commercial about a woman who gave birth to 3 kids and because of something that happened in her mother's womb, the kids aren't biologically her own children, they're her mothers. Riiiiiiiiiiight. Well, I'm interested as to how this could be possible.
I'm watching General Hospital right now. I also have a headache.
I did sit outside for about an hour today and I washed/dried and folded my sheets/blankets and pillowcases that were on my bed. I went to the grocery store.
I have to watch Primetime tonight. They sucked me in with their commercial about a woman who gave birth to 3 kids and because of something that happened in her mother's womb, the kids aren't biologically her own children, they're her mothers. Riiiiiiiiiiight. Well, I'm interested as to how this could be possible.
I'm watching General Hospital right now. I also have a headache.
August 16, 2006
Wednesday already. I knew this week would go by fast because it is a vacation week.
I'm a little stressed. Tying up last minute things before we head out tomorrow morning. I know we're only going to be gone for a day and a half, but we'll be far enough away that it would be a pain in the butt if I forgot to do something that I'd have to come back for. I don't want to be relaxing on the beach only to snap out of my reverie with an "Oh crap! I forgot the hose in the pool and it is still filling!" Heh. I've only done that once. And I wasn't far, only at Erin and Eric's when I remembered!
I'm going to be one of those old ladies that is perpetually late because I've had to run back to the house 15 times to make sure the stove and dryer have been turned off!
Andrew will be taking care of the dog so I won't have to worry about her, but I still will. She really likes having us right with her.
I know I'll feel better once I'm sitting on the beach, looking out over the ocean.
I'm a little stressed. Tying up last minute things before we head out tomorrow morning. I know we're only going to be gone for a day and a half, but we'll be far enough away that it would be a pain in the butt if I forgot to do something that I'd have to come back for. I don't want to be relaxing on the beach only to snap out of my reverie with an "Oh crap! I forgot the hose in the pool and it is still filling!" Heh. I've only done that once. And I wasn't far, only at Erin and Eric's when I remembered!
I'm going to be one of those old ladies that is perpetually late because I've had to run back to the house 15 times to make sure the stove and dryer have been turned off!
Andrew will be taking care of the dog so I won't have to worry about her, but I still will. She really likes having us right with her.
I know I'll feel better once I'm sitting on the beach, looking out over the ocean.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Tuesday Night
Tomorrow will be a busy day. I have to take Grandma to the bank and then back home. After, Hayley and I are going out to the lake for the day. My Aunt Dawn and cousins Erin and Sarah and Sarah's baby are up for the week from New Jersey. I haven't visited my other grandparents all summer, so this will be an opportunity to kill many birds with one stone. It's going to be sunny, too, so spending the day at the lake will be a good idea. After that, we have church. We'll come home and pack for Old Orchard. I hope to be on the road early.
I got a lot of laundry done today. I dusted and swept. I don't want to have to come home to a messy house Friday night. Saturday will be pretty much used up being in Lamoine and Sunday I'll be at church and spending the rest of the day catching up with Zach!
Current Mood: good
Current Music: Crazy................K-Ci & JoJo
I got a lot of laundry done today. I dusted and swept. I don't want to have to come home to a messy house Friday night. Saturday will be pretty much used up being in Lamoine and Sunday I'll be at church and spending the rest of the day catching up with Zach!
Current Mood: good
Current Music: Crazy................K-Ci & JoJo
August 15, 2006
Can it be the middle of August? WOW!
The girls walked up to Rite-Aid to do some cosmetic shopping, so I am home alone with the dog, cleaning and blogging.
I have broken 3 nails in 2 days! UGH!
Dancing with the Stars starts on September 12th! I am so psyched! I love that show.
The View is so weird now without Star and Meredith. Rosie will be joining the team next month, I think. Shannen Doherty is the guest host again today. I love her. I loved her on 90210 and Charmed.
I'm concerned a little with this Mel Gibson train wreck. For someone who has been a self-professed Christian, I find it disturbing he could have made such disgusting comments. Jesus Christ was JEWISH. True Christians believe that the Jewish people are God's chosen people, that Israel is God's chosen land. Perhaps because America has been home to more Jews than any other country, at one time topping 5.9 million, with currently 5.3 million, (Israel has surpassed this total recently to become home to most Jews) God has been so favorable to our nation. Hitler was a self-professed Christian. It is no wonder people have such a distorted view of what I call true Christianity. I feel a true Christian doesn't see things racially. I have brothers and sisters in Christ that are from all over the world. But the Bible does warn about false Christians, claiming things in the name of Jesus. I feel that God has given everyone a certain level of innate discernment that they are to use when false Christians come knocking.
The girls walked up to Rite-Aid to do some cosmetic shopping, so I am home alone with the dog, cleaning and blogging.
I have broken 3 nails in 2 days! UGH!
Dancing with the Stars starts on September 12th! I am so psyched! I love that show.
The View is so weird now without Star and Meredith. Rosie will be joining the team next month, I think. Shannen Doherty is the guest host again today. I love her. I loved her on 90210 and Charmed.
I'm concerned a little with this Mel Gibson train wreck. For someone who has been a self-professed Christian, I find it disturbing he could have made such disgusting comments. Jesus Christ was JEWISH. True Christians believe that the Jewish people are God's chosen people, that Israel is God's chosen land. Perhaps because America has been home to more Jews than any other country, at one time topping 5.9 million, with currently 5.3 million, (Israel has surpassed this total recently to become home to most Jews) God has been so favorable to our nation. Hitler was a self-professed Christian. It is no wonder people have such a distorted view of what I call true Christianity. I feel a true Christian doesn't see things racially. I have brothers and sisters in Christ that are from all over the world. But the Bible does warn about false Christians, claiming things in the name of Jesus. I feel that God has given everyone a certain level of innate discernment that they are to use when false Christians come knocking.
Monday, August 14, 2006
8/14/06
Today was okay. Kind of long.
Church was fun last night. Hayley sat with her friends and I sat with mine, and after, I chatted for awhile with Debi. Eric (my boyfriend at church) kept looking at me like he wanted to come over to say something, but Debi and I were kind of engrossed in our conversation. Of course, now I won't see him for 8 weeks. He'll be in Sudan and Uganda. So anyway, I finally track down Hayley and we're headed out the door and our pastor Ken, met us at the door and was like, "Whoa! What are you still doing here? Usually you fly outta here when the service is over!"
Me: "Well, my daughter is a talker!"
Ken: "Talking is good!"
Me: "Yeah, well, I have a dog and I don't like to leave her alone for very long."
Ken: "Dog? What [kind of] dog?" (Ken's wife has a little dog and he's generalized on more than one occasion that mostly women own these "dogs" and that they aren't really dogs. Not a MAN'S dog anyway.)
Me: "I have a pitbull. And she likes to go out to pee...at right about this time!" Ken had a surprised look on his face because I don't own some wimpy girly dog. I completely shot down his next line that would have been "That's not a dog!" I like it when people make assumptions about me and then I surprise them. The things that surprise people the most about me...that I am a mom of three...that I am a mom of three teenagers....that I am an English teacher...that I own a pitbull.
I am doing laundry. The trash is put out. We forgot last week. The hallway and stairs have been swept. I am going to clean tomorrow and take advantage of the thunderstorms we're supposed to get. We're leaving early Thursday morning for Old Orchard. Spending the night there and spending all day Friday there before heading home. Saturday we have our picnic in Lamoine. By Sunday evening, I should have all of my babies under the same roof!
My cousin Shawna stopped by today and she got to meet Sierra. We've been going to her house the last few times, so she hadn't had a chance to stop in and actually get to play with her. She fell right in love with her. She's was like, "This is the best dog I have ever met!" I had to swing by their place earlier tonight and she was telling her husband Rob and her mother-in-law about Sierra. About what a lovebug she is and how calm and gentle. Because of all of the misinformation out there, I feel that it is important for pitbulls like Sierra to go above and beyond and truly be ambassadors of their breed. She didn't let me down.
Church was fun last night. Hayley sat with her friends and I sat with mine, and after, I chatted for awhile with Debi. Eric (my boyfriend at church) kept looking at me like he wanted to come over to say something, but Debi and I were kind of engrossed in our conversation. Of course, now I won't see him for 8 weeks. He'll be in Sudan and Uganda. So anyway, I finally track down Hayley and we're headed out the door and our pastor Ken, met us at the door and was like, "Whoa! What are you still doing here? Usually you fly outta here when the service is over!"
Me: "Well, my daughter is a talker!"
Ken: "Talking is good!"
Me: "Yeah, well, I have a dog and I don't like to leave her alone for very long."
Ken: "Dog? What [kind of] dog?" (Ken's wife has a little dog and he's generalized on more than one occasion that mostly women own these "dogs" and that they aren't really dogs. Not a MAN'S dog anyway.)
Me: "I have a pitbull. And she likes to go out to pee...at right about this time!" Ken had a surprised look on his face because I don't own some wimpy girly dog. I completely shot down his next line that would have been "That's not a dog!" I like it when people make assumptions about me and then I surprise them. The things that surprise people the most about me...that I am a mom of three...that I am a mom of three teenagers....that I am an English teacher...that I own a pitbull.
I am doing laundry. The trash is put out. We forgot last week. The hallway and stairs have been swept. I am going to clean tomorrow and take advantage of the thunderstorms we're supposed to get. We're leaving early Thursday morning for Old Orchard. Spending the night there and spending all day Friday there before heading home. Saturday we have our picnic in Lamoine. By Sunday evening, I should have all of my babies under the same roof!
My cousin Shawna stopped by today and she got to meet Sierra. We've been going to her house the last few times, so she hadn't had a chance to stop in and actually get to play with her. She fell right in love with her. She's was like, "This is the best dog I have ever met!" I had to swing by their place earlier tonight and she was telling her husband Rob and her mother-in-law about Sierra. About what a lovebug she is and how calm and gentle. Because of all of the misinformation out there, I feel that it is important for pitbulls like Sierra to go above and beyond and truly be ambassadors of their breed. She didn't let me down.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
My Great Dog
I haven't written about Sierra for awhile. She is presently asleep at my feet. She spent last night sleeping on TOP of me. But that is okay because it got chilly last night and she was keeping me warm. It is so sweet how she takes care of me and makes sure I am okay, especially when I am sleeping. She is also quite funny, too. If I put my shoes on, she will beat me to the door because she feels she needs to go wherever I go. I can not sneak out of my house, try as I may. If she can't go, she mopes to her kennel, head down and thumps herself down with a very loud, depressing sigh. Almost like my kids stomping up the stairs when they are mad. My moments with her are always bittersweet. Losing Kodi is still very fresh and I know how quickly my time with Sierra will go by. Kodi loved me and protected me and the kids, but she always had quite the Diva attitude. Sierra only wants to make me happy. I seriously think it hurts me more, on the rare occasion I've had to reprimand her. When I use my "big dog" voice, she hides under the coffee table and waits for me to say everything is okay again. With Kodi, I could yell and yell and she'd look at me like, "I really just like to see how many shades of red and purple your face gets. Are you done yet? I'd really like to get back to my misbehaving!" Kodi always gave the impression that she was smarter than me and listening to me had to be worth her while. She had quite the personality and we're still missing her like crazy. I would have loved to have had Kodi and Sierra together, even though some of Kodi's bad habits might have rubbed off on Sierra. She would have looked at Sierra like, "You are SUCH a dog! What is wrong with you? Listen, they work for US. You don't see me scooping their poop, do you?"
I sat outside for a bit today. It was supposed to be a little sunnier than it is. The white puffy clouds keep crossing the sun's light path. Tomorrow will be hot again and sunny. It is fall-like today. Nice to sleep in, though.
I have two hours before church tonight. Can't wait to see Debi. She is so funny. I met her at church and she just cracks me up. We go to the same service Sunday and Wednesday nights, so we've gotten quite friendly. We email and talk on the phone. We going to the church picnic in Lamoine State Park next Saturday. Ken is baptizing me. I was baptized as an infant (I was raised Catholic) but this one is a real one. Not a ceremonial rite as much as a public declaration of my faith in Jesus. Shannon and Andrew, Sandy and Rich, Debi and her family and other various friends will be there to see me get dunked in the Atlantic Ocean. I'm trying to get it done without getting my hair wet! Ken was like, "Oh yeah? We'll hold you under just a bit longer then! Make sure it is nice and saturated!" They're all be taking pictures, so I'll post them and we can make fun of me! Zach and Hayley are supposed to be baptized, too. Kayla might not be home yet. My original hope was for all of us to get baptized together.
I have some candles burning and I'm listening to some Van Morrison right now. He is one of my all-tme favorite artists. I get so relaxed listening to him. If there was a soundtrack to my life scenes with my children, it would probably be Van Morrison. The kids and I used to listen to him a lot when we'd be driving back from spending a long day at the beach in Old Orchard, or driving back from our camp in Calais. The sun is setting, Van Morrison having lulled them to sleep in the backseat. Their little bodies all covered with sand and sunscreen. Life will never get better than those moments.
I sat outside for a bit today. It was supposed to be a little sunnier than it is. The white puffy clouds keep crossing the sun's light path. Tomorrow will be hot again and sunny. It is fall-like today. Nice to sleep in, though.
I have two hours before church tonight. Can't wait to see Debi. She is so funny. I met her at church and she just cracks me up. We go to the same service Sunday and Wednesday nights, so we've gotten quite friendly. We email and talk on the phone. We going to the church picnic in Lamoine State Park next Saturday. Ken is baptizing me. I was baptized as an infant (I was raised Catholic) but this one is a real one. Not a ceremonial rite as much as a public declaration of my faith in Jesus. Shannon and Andrew, Sandy and Rich, Debi and her family and other various friends will be there to see me get dunked in the Atlantic Ocean. I'm trying to get it done without getting my hair wet! Ken was like, "Oh yeah? We'll hold you under just a bit longer then! Make sure it is nice and saturated!" They're all be taking pictures, so I'll post them and we can make fun of me! Zach and Hayley are supposed to be baptized, too. Kayla might not be home yet. My original hope was for all of us to get baptized together.
I have some candles burning and I'm listening to some Van Morrison right now. He is one of my all-tme favorite artists. I get so relaxed listening to him. If there was a soundtrack to my life scenes with my children, it would probably be Van Morrison. The kids and I used to listen to him a lot when we'd be driving back from spending a long day at the beach in Old Orchard, or driving back from our camp in Calais. The sun is setting, Van Morrison having lulled them to sleep in the backseat. Their little bodies all covered with sand and sunscreen. Life will never get better than those moments.
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Fashion Fun
Who died and made me lead detective of the fashion police, you ask? Well, I am self-appointed of course, because 1. it is my camera and 2. it is my blog!
Quite an interesting day at the mall, as the pics will prove. I think this tops the fair folk!
Quite an interesting day at the mall, as the pics will prove. I think this tops the fair folk!
Little Joe Dirt
Not since Sean Preston Federline have I seen such bad parenting!
Yes, you are indeed looking at a poor little boy with a mullett.
Yes, you are indeed looking at a poor little boy with a mullett.
The Family Belly
Mama Belly has a shirt on that actually says "I Love Twinkies" . Papa Belly could not reach his hands all the way around Mama Belly. Baby Belly has Papa's cool slouch.
Pensive Steve
I'm not sure his name is Steve...I'm not sure what the blue thing in his hair is, either!
Blue
Why so blue, little lady?
Maybe because you didn't get the memo that one should never EVER wear blue eyeshadow? EVER!
Maybe because you didn't get the memo that one should never EVER wear blue eyeshadow? EVER!
Plethora
A plethora of fashionistas! We have Pensive Steve who has become Cool Steve, a hair scrunchi in the background, a woman in yellow with a purse and pants gone wrong, next to Sarah and Hayley.
Much to do today. Relaxing can be tough! I need to take a shower and begin my day, but really all I want to do is nothing! Figures that I feel this way when I have a day packed with lots of stuff to do. Obligatory times to meet up with people, pick them up, places to be, etc. I did sleep in until 8! I woke up, grimacing, thinking it would be the usual 6 flashing at me and I was pleasantly surprised that it was 8.
Today and yesterday are what most call the perfect summer day. Low humidity. Bright sunny skies. Temps in the low to mid 70's. A nice breeze. A little too chilly for swimming, at least for me! :) That won't keep kids out of the water, for sure! A perfect laying in the sun day. Warm in the sun, but cool enough so you don't have to keep getting in the water.
I'll be bringing my camera to record the day's events in the Mall. The crowd that comes out for American Idol is a step up from the fair crowd. Typically I attend both events, so I too, am part of that crowd, I guess. Nothing beats the Old Orchard crowd. Old, fat, back-hairy men in Speedos! Maybe today's theme will be bad hairstyles. You know the ones. The ones you want to scream, Hey, the 80s called and they want their hairstyle back! Banana clips. Mall bangs. Hairspray helmets. Scrunchis. Though, the banana clip can be a useful tool for updo's, but the KEY is that it has to be completely HIDDEN by all of the hair and curls going on. Maybe I'll bring the banana clip back into fashion. I miss that little clip. I miss the ribbon-woven barrets with the long strands with beads and/or feathers attached. We actually used to use roach clips with feathers and put them in our hair. That was the BIG thing to do in 4th and 5th grade. Did our parents know we were using roach clips? Did they know what roach clips even were? In my parents case...NO. Anyway, back to banana clips making a comeback. I haven't been successful yet with bringing coolness to the rain hat. You know the thin rain plastic that old ladies put on their hair before going into wet elements to protect their once a week style? You can find them at most drugstores. Why can't they make them with cool prints? I have been known to wear a Hannaford bag on my head from my house to my car and from my car to church or the mall. I get the frizzies, otherwise. The kids laugh, but it works!
Oh crap. I'm wasting time. I have places to be.
Current Mood: good
Current Music: Drink You Pretty.....................Stephen Lynch
Today and yesterday are what most call the perfect summer day. Low humidity. Bright sunny skies. Temps in the low to mid 70's. A nice breeze. A little too chilly for swimming, at least for me! :) That won't keep kids out of the water, for sure! A perfect laying in the sun day. Warm in the sun, but cool enough so you don't have to keep getting in the water.
I'll be bringing my camera to record the day's events in the Mall. The crowd that comes out for American Idol is a step up from the fair crowd. Typically I attend both events, so I too, am part of that crowd, I guess. Nothing beats the Old Orchard crowd. Old, fat, back-hairy men in Speedos! Maybe today's theme will be bad hairstyles. You know the ones. The ones you want to scream, Hey, the 80s called and they want their hairstyle back! Banana clips. Mall bangs. Hairspray helmets. Scrunchis. Though, the banana clip can be a useful tool for updo's, but the KEY is that it has to be completely HIDDEN by all of the hair and curls going on. Maybe I'll bring the banana clip back into fashion. I miss that little clip. I miss the ribbon-woven barrets with the long strands with beads and/or feathers attached. We actually used to use roach clips with feathers and put them in our hair. That was the BIG thing to do in 4th and 5th grade. Did our parents know we were using roach clips? Did they know what roach clips even were? In my parents case...NO. Anyway, back to banana clips making a comeback. I haven't been successful yet with bringing coolness to the rain hat. You know the thin rain plastic that old ladies put on their hair before going into wet elements to protect their once a week style? You can find them at most drugstores. Why can't they make them with cool prints? I have been known to wear a Hannaford bag on my head from my house to my car and from my car to church or the mall. I get the frizzies, otherwise. The kids laugh, but it works!
Oh crap. I'm wasting time. I have places to be.
Current Mood: good
Current Music: Drink You Pretty.....................Stephen Lynch
Friday, August 11, 2006
Little Bits of Summer
It is nice to enjoy the last little bits of summer. Hayley and I were driving Grandma back to her house and we drove by Spencer's Ice Cream, which I drive by a million times and never stop. It used to be the biggest deal when I was a kid. They make the BEST homemade ice-cream. It is funny how you forget to stop and enjoy the little things once in awhile. I have not got ice cream there for 17 years!!! The last time I was there, I was pregnant with Kayla! So Hayley and I got the best ice cream that we've had in a long time. I got strawberry in a waffle cone and Hayley got peanut butter cup in a waffle cone. Yummy.
So on to the good stuff. I dropped off Grandma at the grocery store and Hayley and I walked over to Movie Gallery to drop off our movies and rent more. So on our little walk back to the car to wait for Grandma, Hayley says, "Who is that person circling the parking lot in a shopping cart scooter?" "Oh no," I say, "Oh no! That isn't a person, that's Grandma!" Picture a busy grocery store parking lot and a wild woman circling the parking lot. So I flag her down and point her in the direction of the car. Not before the busy parking lot notices the wild woman is with ME! She puts the groceries in the car and drives the scooter back in the store. I think she enjoys driving this thing since her license was taken away!
We take Grandma home and she mentions she has my birthday present waiting for me in the house. Immediately I mentally replay all of the past birthday presents of my youth from my grandmother, reminding myself that it is the thought that counts. She finds it and it is the most wonderful porcelain music box with a medal heart and a hanging gold cross and it says "May the Lord Bless and Keep You, My Precious Granddaughter." I started crying when I opened it. It was a beautiful moment with her that I will keep in my heart forever.
So on to the good stuff. I dropped off Grandma at the grocery store and Hayley and I walked over to Movie Gallery to drop off our movies and rent more. So on our little walk back to the car to wait for Grandma, Hayley says, "Who is that person circling the parking lot in a shopping cart scooter?" "Oh no," I say, "Oh no! That isn't a person, that's Grandma!" Picture a busy grocery store parking lot and a wild woman circling the parking lot. So I flag her down and point her in the direction of the car. Not before the busy parking lot notices the wild woman is with ME! She puts the groceries in the car and drives the scooter back in the store. I think she enjoys driving this thing since her license was taken away!
We take Grandma home and she mentions she has my birthday present waiting for me in the house. Immediately I mentally replay all of the past birthday presents of my youth from my grandmother, reminding myself that it is the thought that counts. She finds it and it is the most wonderful porcelain music box with a medal heart and a hanging gold cross and it says "May the Lord Bless and Keep You, My Precious Granddaughter." I started crying when I opened it. It was a beautiful moment with her that I will keep in my heart forever.
August 11, 2006
Zach came by for a quick visit this morning. He's grown a little. His hair is longer and very cute. He was hugging me this morning and I noticed he was sniffing my shirt, like he was making sure I was still his mom or something. Funny.
He won't be back for good until next Saturday, but it was still nice to see him.
Allison, Shannon, Hayley and I are going to the mall tomorrow for the American Idol auditions. We just like to go and watch. Auditions are at 1 and judging is at 3.
Sunday is church.
Monday is the start of my second week-long vacation.
This weekend, aside from a trip to the mall or out to dinner, I'm end-of-summer cleaning! It is time for my quarterly wardrobe weeding. Hayley and Shannon have been upstairs cleaning their room.
Today for lunch, I made the girls and me some egg salad and we ate it on some whole Boston butterhead lettuce leaves. Very yummy. I have to take Grandma to the grocery store at 4 and also bring back some movies and rent some new ones for tonight. Shannon and Andrew are going out tonight, so I'll have a nice quiet evening at home with Hayley. Last night, it was just Shannon and me. Hayley spent the night at Tabitha's. Tomorrow night, Allison will be added into the mix. She is staying at her parent's because she can't be alone. Her parents drive her more crazy than she already is, so I asked if she wanted to spend a few days here, just chilling out. I think she's maxed out her stay in the crazy house. She only got out on Monday and last night, she "disassociated" again. Right. I find if odd that Annelise Michel (the real Emily Rose) was hearing voices and they put her on Tegretol, too and then two exorcists came and tried to get the 6 demons that were possessing her, out. After taking Zach to the airport back in June, Allison and I had dinner and then on the drive home, I told her I thought it sounded like she was possessed. Of course, I had been joking. Kind of. The "theory" behind Annelise Michel, and actually a similar theory that my own pastor has, is that drugs like that interfere with the exorcism, which is why, in the case of Michel, it failed. Had she not had the drugs in her system that block off that part of your brain, the demons may have been able to be banished well before she got so sick that she died. Another thing I find odd is that Michel and Allison did NOT or do NOT have epilepsy...they both were hearing voices...and there is a warning issued that Tegretol should not be given to a woman of childbearing age. Which they both were and are. Having been on an anti-depressant myself (and I know Teg. is not an anti-depressant) at one point in my life, I am so glad I stopped taking it. I was taking it for my anxiety and panic attacks, which never went completely away on the medication. Yes, the medication lessened them, along with any kind of happiness and sadness. I am a believer that we have these emotions for a reason. Maybe some people need to not have them for a few months to kind of get back on track, but I like my highs and lows. It means I am NORMAL. Just like everyone else. I have an uncle who was diagnosed about 30 years ago with severe manic depression and has been on lithium ever since and in his case, I think the drug is probably a good thing. When he's off of it, he is one of those with the disease that have religious hallucinations. He thought my grandmother (his sister) was the Virgin Mary, for instance. A professor that I had once, had a daughter that was similar to my uncle and they got a call about her. She was in downtown New York CIty, in the middle of a busy intersection, claiming to be talking to Jesus.
Anyway, I find it all very interesting, especially the fact that in the most severe cases of the disease, there seem to be a lot of religious undertones.
Current Mood: okay
Current Music: I'm Too Sexy...........Right Said Fred
He won't be back for good until next Saturday, but it was still nice to see him.
Allison, Shannon, Hayley and I are going to the mall tomorrow for the American Idol auditions. We just like to go and watch. Auditions are at 1 and judging is at 3.
Sunday is church.
Monday is the start of my second week-long vacation.
This weekend, aside from a trip to the mall or out to dinner, I'm end-of-summer cleaning! It is time for my quarterly wardrobe weeding. Hayley and Shannon have been upstairs cleaning their room.
Today for lunch, I made the girls and me some egg salad and we ate it on some whole Boston butterhead lettuce leaves. Very yummy. I have to take Grandma to the grocery store at 4 and also bring back some movies and rent some new ones for tonight. Shannon and Andrew are going out tonight, so I'll have a nice quiet evening at home with Hayley. Last night, it was just Shannon and me. Hayley spent the night at Tabitha's. Tomorrow night, Allison will be added into the mix. She is staying at her parent's because she can't be alone. Her parents drive her more crazy than she already is, so I asked if she wanted to spend a few days here, just chilling out. I think she's maxed out her stay in the crazy house. She only got out on Monday and last night, she "disassociated" again. Right. I find if odd that Annelise Michel (the real Emily Rose) was hearing voices and they put her on Tegretol, too and then two exorcists came and tried to get the 6 demons that were possessing her, out. After taking Zach to the airport back in June, Allison and I had dinner and then on the drive home, I told her I thought it sounded like she was possessed. Of course, I had been joking. Kind of. The "theory" behind Annelise Michel, and actually a similar theory that my own pastor has, is that drugs like that interfere with the exorcism, which is why, in the case of Michel, it failed. Had she not had the drugs in her system that block off that part of your brain, the demons may have been able to be banished well before she got so sick that she died. Another thing I find odd is that Michel and Allison did NOT or do NOT have epilepsy...they both were hearing voices...and there is a warning issued that Tegretol should not be given to a woman of childbearing age. Which they both were and are. Having been on an anti-depressant myself (and I know Teg. is not an anti-depressant) at one point in my life, I am so glad I stopped taking it. I was taking it for my anxiety and panic attacks, which never went completely away on the medication. Yes, the medication lessened them, along with any kind of happiness and sadness. I am a believer that we have these emotions for a reason. Maybe some people need to not have them for a few months to kind of get back on track, but I like my highs and lows. It means I am NORMAL. Just like everyone else. I have an uncle who was diagnosed about 30 years ago with severe manic depression and has been on lithium ever since and in his case, I think the drug is probably a good thing. When he's off of it, he is one of those with the disease that have religious hallucinations. He thought my grandmother (his sister) was the Virgin Mary, for instance. A professor that I had once, had a daughter that was similar to my uncle and they got a call about her. She was in downtown New York CIty, in the middle of a busy intersection, claiming to be talking to Jesus.
Anyway, I find it all very interesting, especially the fact that in the most severe cases of the disease, there seem to be a lot of religious undertones.
Current Mood: okay
Current Music: I'm Too Sexy...........Right Said Fred
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Alive!
Yes, I am still alive. I've just been busy.
Time for another game...
Things you may not have known about me
A) Four jobs I have had in my life: (in no particular order)
1. Counselor at Summer Rec program
2. Reader of Text books on tape
3. Coat Check Girl at Knights of Columbus Hall
4. Rainbow girl
B) Four movies you would watch over and over:
1. Gone with the Wind
2. Practical Magic
3. Black Sheep
4. Joe Dirt
C) Four places you have lived:
1. Bangor
2. Milford
3. Washburn
4. Old Town
D) List four TV shows you love to watch
1. The O.C.
2. Grey's Anatomy
3. Girls Next Door
4. Wife Swap, Super Nanny, Jeopardy, Dancing with the Stars
E) Websites you visit daily:
1. Yahoo
2. Naked Drinking Coffee
3. www.bangornews.com
4. www.bangorhumanesociety.org
F ) Four of my favorite foods:
1. King Crab
2. Pork Tenderloin
3. Caesar Salad
4. Crab Rangoons
G) Four places I would rather be right now:
1. a nude beach on Crete
2. Laguna Beach
3. Cabo
4. Fiji
Time for another game...
Things you may not have known about me
A) Four jobs I have had in my life: (in no particular order)
1. Counselor at Summer Rec program
2. Reader of Text books on tape
3. Coat Check Girl at Knights of Columbus Hall
4. Rainbow girl
B) Four movies you would watch over and over:
1. Gone with the Wind
2. Practical Magic
3. Black Sheep
4. Joe Dirt
C) Four places you have lived:
1. Bangor
2. Milford
3. Washburn
4. Old Town
D) List four TV shows you love to watch
1. The O.C.
2. Grey's Anatomy
3. Girls Next Door
4. Wife Swap, Super Nanny, Jeopardy, Dancing with the Stars
E) Websites you visit daily:
1. Yahoo
2. Naked Drinking Coffee
3. www.bangornews.com
4. www.bangorhumanesociety.org
F ) Four of my favorite foods:
1. King Crab
2. Pork Tenderloin
3. Caesar Salad
4. Crab Rangoons
G) Four places I would rather be right now:
1. a nude beach on Crete
2. Laguna Beach
3. Cabo
4. Fiji
Monday, August 07, 2006
Just Breathe
I am soooooo mad right now. Zach is coming back to Maine on Friday. I'll see him for a quick second before he heads to Presque Isle with his father to visit his grandparents for the week. His grandmother just called and asked if she could keep him for an additional week and was mad when I said no. "We haven't seen him all summer either!" Too frigging bad. I carried that kid for 9 months and I was the one that pushed out that super-sized head and those even bigger shoulders. He is MINE. They can get in line. I would like to spend a short week with him before summer is over, too. The kids go back to school on the 30th. As it is, she already gets him for a week while her son is up there for his vacation. Zach has to miss all of the weddings, funerals and family reunions that happen in the summer because he has to be in Virginia. My extended family hasn't seen the kid in years unless somebody happens to die in the winter..which has been 8 years since someone in my family has died in the winter.
I will have had two weeks vacation too and I will not have been able to spend any of it with my child. All this has done is fuel my fire and make me more adamant on relocating to the West Coast. California here we come! Mike will be lucky if I send him a forwarding address. Nobody is making Mike live in Virginia. He is doing it to just be a controlling asshole, as usual. Personally, Viriginia is too close for me, but for my son's sake, he could at least live within the tri-state area, so that Zach has a chance to visit with everyone.
So I left a message for Mike to call me back because somebody is not answering the phone. He must have an idea that his mother was going to call me and is preparing himself for the subsequent ass-chewing that will ensue.
She even tried to say, "Well, Zach wants to stay up here too." Bullshit! I have talked to Zach and he specifically asked that we wati for him before we go back to Old Orchard. I'm sorry, but the woman is on husband number 4; she did a HORRIBLE job raising her own children and now she wants to warp mine, too. I don't think so. If she wanted to see him so bad, she had all summer to go down south, where she is FROM and visit her daughter and her son and her grandson.
I know, someday I'll be the grandmother, trying to spend time with her grandkids, but the difference between her and I is that my kids come first to me. I have not and will not put any man in front of them. I will not let men move in and out of their lives. I will not try to make up for my mistakes through my grandchildren.
I will have had two weeks vacation too and I will not have been able to spend any of it with my child. All this has done is fuel my fire and make me more adamant on relocating to the West Coast. California here we come! Mike will be lucky if I send him a forwarding address. Nobody is making Mike live in Virginia. He is doing it to just be a controlling asshole, as usual. Personally, Viriginia is too close for me, but for my son's sake, he could at least live within the tri-state area, so that Zach has a chance to visit with everyone.
So I left a message for Mike to call me back because somebody is not answering the phone. He must have an idea that his mother was going to call me and is preparing himself for the subsequent ass-chewing that will ensue.
She even tried to say, "Well, Zach wants to stay up here too." Bullshit! I have talked to Zach and he specifically asked that we wati for him before we go back to Old Orchard. I'm sorry, but the woman is on husband number 4; she did a HORRIBLE job raising her own children and now she wants to warp mine, too. I don't think so. If she wanted to see him so bad, she had all summer to go down south, where she is FROM and visit her daughter and her son and her grandson.
I know, someday I'll be the grandmother, trying to spend time with her grandkids, but the difference between her and I is that my kids come first to me. I have not and will not put any man in front of them. I will not let men move in and out of their lives. I will not try to make up for my mistakes through my grandchildren.
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Sunday
I sat in the sun today for 4 hours. My tan is finally catching back up to where it was before we had all of that rain a few weeks ago. I would still be sitting outside but the man that is renting a room from my neighbor (the 6'6 man from Africa who happens to wear a moomoo on occasion. I am sure this isn't the correct name for the outfit, but I swear my Grandmother has one similar and hers IS a moomoo.) ANYHOW, said individual decided to stand in front of me, stretching, watching me lay in the sun in my bikini. I just kept my eyes shut and hoped he'd go away. Nope! He basically did a complete set of Yogalates, while staring at me. Sometimes he'll come up while I am clearly laying in the sun and say, "You laying in the sun?"
So I go back to work tomorrow. I'll get to catch up with all of the news.
The weather has been absolutely gorgeous this weekend. Perfect summer weather. This is what we wait all year for!
Shannon and I did Carmen Electra's Cardio-Striptease on DVD. Of course, we kept our clothes on, as does everyone else on the tape. We just like to make fun of Carmen. "You can even do this clubbing!" Oh yeah, cause we all walk, jerking our hips from side to side, with a finger in our mouth, turn and toss our hair, while slapping our own ass! Someone would come up to me and ask if I was having a seizure! Nah, I've just been Carmenized! I'm not quite sure who gets the cardio benefits. The stripping routines left something to be desired, cardio-wise.
More Carmen quotes: "This next routine is a little thing that I like to call a lap dance."
If I ever did any of this for Brian he would literally die of laughing too hard. Of course, his idea of stripping was tossing his underwear up in the air with his foot and catching it! It would be super funny when one foot would get caught up and he'd fall! It really doesn't take much to amuse me.
Current Mood: Excellent
Current Music: Sentimental Street..............Night Ranger
So I go back to work tomorrow. I'll get to catch up with all of the news.
The weather has been absolutely gorgeous this weekend. Perfect summer weather. This is what we wait all year for!
Shannon and I did Carmen Electra's Cardio-Striptease on DVD. Of course, we kept our clothes on, as does everyone else on the tape. We just like to make fun of Carmen. "You can even do this clubbing!" Oh yeah, cause we all walk, jerking our hips from side to side, with a finger in our mouth, turn and toss our hair, while slapping our own ass! Someone would come up to me and ask if I was having a seizure! Nah, I've just been Carmenized! I'm not quite sure who gets the cardio benefits. The stripping routines left something to be desired, cardio-wise.
More Carmen quotes: "This next routine is a little thing that I like to call a lap dance."
If I ever did any of this for Brian he would literally die of laughing too hard. Of course, his idea of stripping was tossing his underwear up in the air with his foot and catching it! It would be super funny when one foot would get caught up and he'd fall! It really doesn't take much to amuse me.
Current Mood: Excellent
Current Music: Sentimental Street..............Night Ranger
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