I was going thru old pics...everyone remember this one? Emily was the sweetest baby!!! Hopefully I will be able to see her tomorrow when I go to Itty Bitty.
Monday, October 31, 2005
Happy Halloween!
Just got back taking Zach trick or treating. Now I am going to pick up a little. I don't have to be at work until 3 tomorrow, but I have a million errands to do and the furnace guy is coming tomorrow to clean the furnace. I have to stop in at Itty Bitty so Jessie can sign a paper for me and tell her about a gourmet food party I am having, that she and Erica will be invited to. I have to run to the office and fax some stuff and then pick up the kids from school and head to work. The rest of the week will fly by and next thing I know, it will be Friday!
I went on my first out inspection today. That is an inspection of a unit after the family has moved. Disgusting is all I have to really say about that. I can't believe people can live like that, especially with small children. This particular family had 4 kids, ages 5 years-6 months. They left trash behind, the kids' toys and food in the fridge and on the counters. I guess this was actually a GOOD inspection!
The kids and I went to see Saw II last night. It was AWESOME!!! Almost as good as the first. Oh yes, there was blood! Lots of it. The movie theater was packed. It was good to see people out enjoying themselves.
I went on my first out inspection today. That is an inspection of a unit after the family has moved. Disgusting is all I have to really say about that. I can't believe people can live like that, especially with small children. This particular family had 4 kids, ages 5 years-6 months. They left trash behind, the kids' toys and food in the fridge and on the counters. I guess this was actually a GOOD inspection!
The kids and I went to see Saw II last night. It was AWESOME!!! Almost as good as the first. Oh yes, there was blood! Lots of it. The movie theater was packed. It was good to see people out enjoying themselves.
Sunday, October 30, 2005
Weekend News
This weekend was a blast. The kids and I enjoyed the haunted hayride Friday night. Last night, of course, was the big night with Bailey! Zach and I had a ball! He and Madison are absolutely adorable together. They played all night long, finally falling asleep together on the couch in the living room. Bailey of course fell asleep cuddled with me in the chair, but not before saying sleepily, "I think Sissy has herself a little boyfriend!" Very cute. Today, the kids and I went hiking. We took my bff allison. It was a lot of fun! We had a picnic on the top.
Now, I am going to bed. I am wiped out. It will be an early day tomorrow. I have to be at work by 8!
Now, I am going to bed. I am wiped out. It will be an early day tomorrow. I have to be at work by 8!
This is Easy!
The kids, Allison and I hiked up Chick Hill today. We had a wonderful time and the weather was absolutely gorgeous!
Saturday, October 29, 2005
Haunted Hayride
Last night was a blast! The funny thing about the haunted hayride is that while you KNOW people are going to jump out of the woods, screaming and shaking the cattle car, while you're in the middle of nowhere, you just DON'T KNOW when it is going to happen. Two guys were out there with chainsaws. Mind you, there is limited lighting in the woods, which makes everything just a tad bit scarier. My favorite part was when a big rig was waiting in the woods for us, and when we went by, turned on his lights and started chasing us, like in the movie Joyride, and man, can that tractor MOVE!!! The tractor was pulling the hayride. He took a corner going about 30 and the haybale seats were flying!!! I was right up front by the tractor wheels and got sprayed pretty good by the mud from the tires. It was awesome!
Tonight, I am babysitting Bailey and Madison. David and Karen are notorious for staying out until 2 or 3 AM, so this will be a long night. But last night, I just couldn't fall asleep. I was in bed by midnight and just laid there for what seemed like hours. I finally fell asleep and when I woke up this morning, it was 10:30 AM. This means trying to stay up until 2 tonight won't be as difficult as trying to do it while still on my 11 PM -7 AM sleep schedule.
Brian was in a down mood last night on the phone. He was happy to hear that the kids and I had fun, but his plans with Paul fell through. Paul switched shifts at work and stayed there until 8 and then his mother picked him up. I know Brian had been looking forward to hanging out with him. This morning he is working at that charity thing. He really wasn't happy that his sister roped him into it. I meant to call him this morning, but I never woke up!
ANYWAY, I have a million things to do.
Tonight, I am babysitting Bailey and Madison. David and Karen are notorious for staying out until 2 or 3 AM, so this will be a long night. But last night, I just couldn't fall asleep. I was in bed by midnight and just laid there for what seemed like hours. I finally fell asleep and when I woke up this morning, it was 10:30 AM. This means trying to stay up until 2 tonight won't be as difficult as trying to do it while still on my 11 PM -7 AM sleep schedule.
Brian was in a down mood last night on the phone. He was happy to hear that the kids and I had fun, but his plans with Paul fell through. Paul switched shifts at work and stayed there until 8 and then his mother picked him up. I know Brian had been looking forward to hanging out with him. This morning he is working at that charity thing. He really wasn't happy that his sister roped him into it. I meant to call him this morning, but I never woke up!
ANYWAY, I have a million things to do.
Friday, October 28, 2005
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Halloween Party
Our Halloween party was a HUGE success! More kids than I've ever seen! :) Even Claire stopped by to join in the festivities. We had a donut eating contest, with donuts hanging on strings, apple bobbing, mummy making contest with toilet paper and karaoke and dancing! The haunted house was fabulous. Little kids were crying, but begging to go back down for a second trip through it! They knew it was just the big kids trying to scare them! It was fun. We had a ton of food.
I got a call at the center around 7:30 PM about a child being locked in a basement in one of the apartments in the area. The kid is 3 and has some behavior problems and another tenant called and complained that his parent locks him in the basement and they can hear him screaming. So my boss called me to go over and check it out and find out if she should call the police or not. I was thinking, What the F***? That isn't my job. I am not trained for a situation like this. If they lock a child in the basement that they supposedly LOVE, what the frig are they going to do to me? Of course, what I actually said was, "Sure, Claire, I'll go over and check things out." I knocked on the door. The mother asked who it was before even opening it. I said, "Jennifer, from Parkwoods." So she opened it. I told her that Claire got a complaint of a child crying and asked if I'd go over and check on things before she got there. She said that her child was tempermental and that everything was fine. I got back to the center and called Claire and she was headed over there with a police escort because the mother's boyfriend was in the house and he was in violation of the protection order she has against him. I'm thinking to myself, Claire is going over with POLICE and she sends me by myself. She's the social worker, not me. Brian is not going to like this when I tell him. Other than that little bit of drama, it was a great night.
I'll post pics tomorrow sometime. I am taking my three on the Haunted Hayride here in town tomorrow night! I'm looking forward to it.
Current Mood: so very tired
Current Music: Monster Mash, Flying Purple People Eater, Ghostbusters and Time Warp...Halloween Music Compilation
I got a call at the center around 7:30 PM about a child being locked in a basement in one of the apartments in the area. The kid is 3 and has some behavior problems and another tenant called and complained that his parent locks him in the basement and they can hear him screaming. So my boss called me to go over and check it out and find out if she should call the police or not. I was thinking, What the F***? That isn't my job. I am not trained for a situation like this. If they lock a child in the basement that they supposedly LOVE, what the frig are they going to do to me? Of course, what I actually said was, "Sure, Claire, I'll go over and check things out." I knocked on the door. The mother asked who it was before even opening it. I said, "Jennifer, from Parkwoods." So she opened it. I told her that Claire got a complaint of a child crying and asked if I'd go over and check on things before she got there. She said that her child was tempermental and that everything was fine. I got back to the center and called Claire and she was headed over there with a police escort because the mother's boyfriend was in the house and he was in violation of the protection order she has against him. I'm thinking to myself, Claire is going over with POLICE and she sends me by myself. She's the social worker, not me. Brian is not going to like this when I tell him. Other than that little bit of drama, it was a great night.
I'll post pics tomorrow sometime. I am taking my three on the Haunted Hayride here in town tomorrow night! I'm looking forward to it.
Current Mood: so very tired
Current Music: Monster Mash, Flying Purple People Eater, Ghostbusters and Time Warp...Halloween Music Compilation
So Little Time
Today, I have to get to the store for last minute items for the party. I have to remember to pack the party lights, karaoke machine, microphones, mini-dv camera, my camera, music, the kids costumes. I have to make a few phone calls, pick up the kids from school and race to the center. After a quick vacuum, we'll set up the tables, get the food ready and wait with anticipation for the kids to show up.
Karen called me last night. I am spending Saturday night with Bailey and Madison! That really made me happy. I really need some Bailey time! I couldn't watch them last weekend because of the wedding, so Karen made sure to call me earlier in the week. I think Brian was kind of ticked, but he would have had to leave Saturday night or very early Sunday morning anyway because Paul's last football game is Sunday. If he wants to see me, he can come down Friday night, but he is doing some charity benefit thing with his sister and brother-in-law Saturday morning. I think he was planning on asking me to drive up there actually. Unfortunately, like Karen found out last weekend, I book up fast, so you're better off asking me earlier in the week.
Now, I have to go finish my hair. Zach has conjunctivitis, so he is home from school, taking prescription eye drops. It is nice to have the company.
I'll take lots of pics and post them later!
Current Mood: getting there
Current Music: Wide Open Spaces.....Dixie Chicks
Karen called me last night. I am spending Saturday night with Bailey and Madison! That really made me happy. I really need some Bailey time! I couldn't watch them last weekend because of the wedding, so Karen made sure to call me earlier in the week. I think Brian was kind of ticked, but he would have had to leave Saturday night or very early Sunday morning anyway because Paul's last football game is Sunday. If he wants to see me, he can come down Friday night, but he is doing some charity benefit thing with his sister and brother-in-law Saturday morning. I think he was planning on asking me to drive up there actually. Unfortunately, like Karen found out last weekend, I book up fast, so you're better off asking me earlier in the week.
Now, I have to go finish my hair. Zach has conjunctivitis, so he is home from school, taking prescription eye drops. It is nice to have the company.
I'll take lots of pics and post them later!
Current Mood: getting there
Current Music: Wide Open Spaces.....Dixie Chicks
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
10/26/05
I slept in until 9:45 today. I even went to sleep by 10 last night, but I didn't sleep soundly. I was up every couple of hours. Still, I feel lazy now, like I've wasted some of the day.
The weather for the weekend looks like it is going to be beautiful, starting tomorrow.
Today is rather boring. Things will get more exciting once I get to the center this afternoon. Today is my easy day. 3-6 PM. The kids are going to be putting the final touches on their haunted house. Lots of prep work today for tomorrow's Halloween Party. I am really not that motivated. I have zero energy right now.
The weather for the weekend looks like it is going to be beautiful, starting tomorrow.
Today is rather boring. Things will get more exciting once I get to the center this afternoon. Today is my easy day. 3-6 PM. The kids are going to be putting the final touches on their haunted house. Lots of prep work today for tomorrow's Halloween Party. I am really not that motivated. I have zero energy right now.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
What is THIS?
I asked for snow, not sleet and freezing rain! I came outside of work tonight to 2 inches of sleet on my windshield! YUCK!!! The roads were slick coming home, but we are here safe and sound.
Things I want to Do...
I have had vague plans about the upcoming year, after I am finished at my present job and like I mentioned, they have been very vague. I've been bouncing back and forth between staying another year here or just up and moving, like I really want. Have any of you ever had what I'll call a "vision"? This has happened to me on several occasions. It is hard to explain, but I'll try. They usually happen to me when I seem to have hit a road block or have to pick between two paths. It happened on like the second or third date with the girls' dad. I couldn't decide for sure if I wanted to continue seeing him or whatever, and I had been really stressing about it and then this little daydream popped into my head and I saw him sitting around the table at my mom's and just fitting in with the family. I went on to have two kids with this man. It also happened the very first time I met Brian and the very first time I met Jim. In Jim's case, I knew instantly that I was going to sleep with him. I never imagined that we'd be the friends that we are today. In Brian's case, I just knew that I wanted to be with him the rest of my life. They are almost like deja vu moments but not quite. Anyway, I get them sometimes before starting something big, like going back to school or switching jobs and today, I had one and I just knew that I was going to be teaching and owning a daycare/preschool in an area other than this one. It became very clear to me that this job I am in right now is only temporary, but in finally knowing this for sure, I find myself enjoying it more, or at least having an easier time making the most of it.
The last few years I've had lofty goals that I have met and I think I perform better with goals to strive for. The last few years were to just finish school. Get my degree. Get a job. Okay, I've accomplished all of that. I took a break. No big goals for over a year, other than getting the program at the center back for the kids. I've accomplished that, too. I thought I'd get my master's degree and I will, but that isn't an immediate goal for me right now. I think I've only been leaning towards that because school has become a habit for me. I can BE a student. It is easy and familiar.
So, a drum roll please...I am now going to unveil my new official GOALS for my lifeplan, subject to change at any time of course, but I'm pretty confident that these are the new goals that I'll be sticking with.
1. Save money for new car and new apartment in at least southern Maine, maybe further.
2. Get my ass ready for the job search I'll be embarking on come January or February. I'll be looking for a real teaching job in the southern Maine area. If it doesn't work out, I'll keep my present job for another year. Things could be worse.
3. Save money for daycare/preschool fund. I want like $4000 or $5000 in the bank devoted just to this. That way, I can start on the foot that I want to and not have to feel like I am scrambling. This could take a year, but I am giving myself 2 years to meet this goal. At this point, Kayla will be 18 and will be one of my daycare workers. She wants to major in early childhood education and can work part-time at the daycare and go to school and eventually become a full partner with me. The same goes for Hayley if she decides to go into the business with us.
4. During this time, I will probably resume work on my master's degree at least on a part-time basis. Assuming I'll be teaching at a public school, I'll want to take advantage of their master's program. Most schools reimburse you to further your education.
5. I want to be working on my doctorate by the time I am 40.
6. Eventually, 20-30 years down the road, I want to be teaching English on some beautiful college campus somewhere, enjoying grandkids and taking care of my husband.
The last few years I've had lofty goals that I have met and I think I perform better with goals to strive for. The last few years were to just finish school. Get my degree. Get a job. Okay, I've accomplished all of that. I took a break. No big goals for over a year, other than getting the program at the center back for the kids. I've accomplished that, too. I thought I'd get my master's degree and I will, but that isn't an immediate goal for me right now. I think I've only been leaning towards that because school has become a habit for me. I can BE a student. It is easy and familiar.
So, a drum roll please...I am now going to unveil my new official GOALS for my lifeplan, subject to change at any time of course, but I'm pretty confident that these are the new goals that I'll be sticking with.
1. Save money for new car and new apartment in at least southern Maine, maybe further.
2. Get my ass ready for the job search I'll be embarking on come January or February. I'll be looking for a real teaching job in the southern Maine area. If it doesn't work out, I'll keep my present job for another year. Things could be worse.
3. Save money for daycare/preschool fund. I want like $4000 or $5000 in the bank devoted just to this. That way, I can start on the foot that I want to and not have to feel like I am scrambling. This could take a year, but I am giving myself 2 years to meet this goal. At this point, Kayla will be 18 and will be one of my daycare workers. She wants to major in early childhood education and can work part-time at the daycare and go to school and eventually become a full partner with me. The same goes for Hayley if she decides to go into the business with us.
4. During this time, I will probably resume work on my master's degree at least on a part-time basis. Assuming I'll be teaching at a public school, I'll want to take advantage of their master's program. Most schools reimburse you to further your education.
5. I want to be working on my doctorate by the time I am 40.
6. Eventually, 20-30 years down the road, I want to be teaching English on some beautiful college campus somewhere, enjoying grandkids and taking care of my husband.
Monday, October 24, 2005
Flowers!
When I got home from work today, there were a dozen red roses on my table. They are absolutely GORGEOUS!!! I am assuming Brian sent them for our 2 year anniversary. I say I am assuming because the card was signed "From the staff at Denny's"...Denny's being the restaurant that we met at. He sat at my table and the rest is history. This is funny because I mailed his book out that I had bought him so that he'd be getting it today. The card had two people on the front, with the girl saying "Nice hair" and the guy saying "Great bod!" and inside the card said something about the elements of a lasting relationship. The note I wrote in it said I couldn't find a card with a picture of a couple eating at Denny's.
Other than that, today has been pretty much a typical Monday. Wife Swap is on tonight! I am sick, sick, sick, I know!
I have a bunch of errands to do tomorrow before heading to work.
Current Mood: very happy
Current Music: Maya and Miguel theme song
Other than that, today has been pretty much a typical Monday. Wife Swap is on tonight! I am sick, sick, sick, I know!
I have a bunch of errands to do tomorrow before heading to work.
Current Mood: very happy
Current Music: Maya and Miguel theme song
Sunday, October 23, 2005
My Weekend
Friday was nice. Brian took me to lunch and it was nice to make out with him for a few minutes during the middle of my day. Aaron and Laura got married yesterday. The wedding was very nice. It was on a lake on the other side of Bucksport. Across the lake, you could see Blue Hill and Surry. The reception was there as well. Aaron is my best friend Allison's brother. The wedding was at 3 PM. We got there about 1:45. We left around 8.
I bought Brian a book that he wanted and a card for our 2 year anniversary of the night we met, which will be tomorrow night. He's probably just getting home from Paul's football game in the rain. Next Sunday is the last one. I can't say I am disappointed to see the season end and I can't say I am disappointed to have the opportunity to get Brian for an entire weekend again.
I bought two new movies this weekend. Girl, Interrupted, at Kayla's request and The Tommyknockers. I bought Eggnog. I bought stuff to make cookies.
This morning was our Sunday morning ritual, except we didn't go to church this morning. We're guilty of sleeping in. We did go to Ampersand's. Now we're just picking up a little and getting ready to start baking!
Current Mood: good
Current Music: It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year
I bought Brian a book that he wanted and a card for our 2 year anniversary of the night we met, which will be tomorrow night. He's probably just getting home from Paul's football game in the rain. Next Sunday is the last one. I can't say I am disappointed to see the season end and I can't say I am disappointed to have the opportunity to get Brian for an entire weekend again.
I bought two new movies this weekend. Girl, Interrupted, at Kayla's request and The Tommyknockers. I bought Eggnog. I bought stuff to make cookies.
This morning was our Sunday morning ritual, except we didn't go to church this morning. We're guilty of sleeping in. We did go to Ampersand's. Now we're just picking up a little and getting ready to start baking!
Current Mood: good
Current Music: It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year
Thursday, October 20, 2005
I am going to enjoy my morning off today. I was asleep by 9 last night. I'm not sure why I was so tired. It isn't the first time I've functioned on less than 8 hours sleep and I did SLEEP for 6 hours, so I'm not sure what warrented the 10 hours last night. I did have a bad headache that kind of came on me suddenly. It was right behind my eyes and I chalked it up to driving more than in a typical day and being overtired. It is gone now.
I'm picking up the kids today at 2 and 2:30, then off to the center until 8.
My friend Charlie called last night. He's in town and wants to catch up. I used to be able to see him whenever I wanted and since he started law school and moved from the area, we don't have that luxury anymore. We went to Welch's funeral together last fall and his death really affected he and I quite profoundly. When we caught up last April, he mentioned it and I looked at him and had to agree that things in my life just weren't "comfortable" like they used to be.
Anyway, things are better now. You just have to take things day by day, and decide that this day will be a good one. The sun is shining! I am going to the bank and then to get my latte.
Zach is flying down to Virginia to spend a week with his dad. I'm really not happy, but I know Zach is. He'll leave the 29th and come back the next Friday. I have to drive him to the airport in Portland. At first, I wasn't too excited about that, but I love Portland and I decided to use this as an excuse to do some shopping down there! :) The girls and I had a great time shopping there last time. I have a wedding to go to this Saturday. Allison's brother is getting married. I guess at the reception, which is being catered, Laura is paying $40 a head for food, so I'm thinking *free meal* , *open bar*...cool! Allison went with me to my sister's wedding in CT. We had such a great time! We skipped the rehearsal dinner and ate at Mystic Pizza. Mystic Pizza being the place where Julia Roberts worked in the movie Mystic Pizza.
Brian is supposed to be taking me out to lunch tomorrow. He hasn't decided if he's staying down for the night or not, which is why I am going to the wedding Saturday. I'm not waiting around for him to decide and then get stuck not having plans. Even if he does stay down, he can leave at noon, instead of later. I have to be in Hampden by 1.
Current Mood: pretty good
Current Music: Someday my Prince will Come......Miles Davis
I'm picking up the kids today at 2 and 2:30, then off to the center until 8.
My friend Charlie called last night. He's in town and wants to catch up. I used to be able to see him whenever I wanted and since he started law school and moved from the area, we don't have that luxury anymore. We went to Welch's funeral together last fall and his death really affected he and I quite profoundly. When we caught up last April, he mentioned it and I looked at him and had to agree that things in my life just weren't "comfortable" like they used to be.
Anyway, things are better now. You just have to take things day by day, and decide that this day will be a good one. The sun is shining! I am going to the bank and then to get my latte.
Zach is flying down to Virginia to spend a week with his dad. I'm really not happy, but I know Zach is. He'll leave the 29th and come back the next Friday. I have to drive him to the airport in Portland. At first, I wasn't too excited about that, but I love Portland and I decided to use this as an excuse to do some shopping down there! :) The girls and I had a great time shopping there last time. I have a wedding to go to this Saturday. Allison's brother is getting married. I guess at the reception, which is being catered, Laura is paying $40 a head for food, so I'm thinking *free meal* , *open bar*...cool! Allison went with me to my sister's wedding in CT. We had such a great time! We skipped the rehearsal dinner and ate at Mystic Pizza. Mystic Pizza being the place where Julia Roberts worked in the movie Mystic Pizza.
Brian is supposed to be taking me out to lunch tomorrow. He hasn't decided if he's staying down for the night or not, which is why I am going to the wedding Saturday. I'm not waiting around for him to decide and then get stuck not having plans. Even if he does stay down, he can leave at noon, instead of later. I have to be in Hampden by 1.
Current Mood: pretty good
Current Music: Someday my Prince will Come......Miles Davis
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Today wasn't nearly as bad as I had imagined. I am tired because of the early start, but the drive went off without a hitch and the whole conference wasn't so bad. The morning was entertaining. The learning session before lunch was BORING!!! A bunch of commissioners, Senators, Representatives and the like, slapping themselves on the back. In my opinion, they could have done that without the audience! During two sessions, I had the opportunity to work in small groups with the governor. That was cool. Then the last session, which was the most informative and helpful, was led by a task force that consisted of two judges, two juvenile probation officers, a sheriff. The judges were getting tired of the juvenile system. Either the kids were seeing jail time, or probation. They started a program that let them do community service, as opposed to jail time and they shared the other parts to that program that has been seemingly a complete success. The kids that completed the program have not gotten in trouble again. I found it helpful because they use a mentoring program and that I want to implement a more formal one at my center. So while asking my questions and describing my situation, two girls started talking to me from Bangor, working for Penquis CAP and they have all kinds of free programs that they could bring to the kids, they just need kids! So we're meeting early next week. All in all, it was very productive. I skipped out for dessert/tea-time and made it home by 5. I really had had enough. We were just going to regroup and just talk and have dessert. Kind of a replication of the early morning.
Now I am just getting supper ready and enjoying my kids. I think we're going to play a game! We're having honey mustard glazed chicken, stuffing and twice-baked potatos.
Current Mood: Happy I am home. Happy I can sleep in tomorrow! :)
Current Music: Lifehouse CD....I am buying tickets tomorrow for me and Kayla. Their concert is November 11th! Can't wait!
Now I am just getting supper ready and enjoying my kids. I think we're going to play a game! We're having honey mustard glazed chicken, stuffing and twice-baked potatos.
Current Mood: Happy I am home. Happy I can sleep in tomorrow! :)
Current Music: Lifehouse CD....I am buying tickets tomorrow for me and Kayla. Their concert is November 11th! Can't wait!
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
For Lack of a Better Title
Today's not quite as crappy as yesterday. It will be an early morning tomorrow preceding a very long day. I have to be up so I can be on the road by 7 AM. The conference is at 8:30. It ends at 5 and it'll be a good hour and 20 minutes driving home with 5 PM traffic. There's another conference scheduled on Thursday at Sugarloaf. They would pay for my hotel to stay over for both of these, but I'm coming home tomorrow night and driving in tomorrow morning and I am not driving another 1 1/2 hours to go to Sugarloaf the next day. Not to mention, I have to close the center tomorrow because of this conference and I'd have to close it on Thursday if I went to the other one. No thanks!
I spent the last 2 hours picking up around here at home. I don't have to pick up the kids until 2. It will greatly reduce my stress knowing that I have a clean house to come home to tonight after work. I slept pretty well last night. I was out by 10:15 and slept thru until about 7, then I dozed until 8:45. I won't have that luxury tomorrow, but on the upside, I don't have to be at work until 2:45 PM on Thursday, so I can definitely sleep in that day.
I really wish there was something more exciting to report about. Different day, same chaos. It'd be nice to win the lottery. I'm in the mood to go hiking right now.
Current Mood: not looking forward to being really busy for the next 24 or so hours.
Current Mood: By Surprise.......Joy Williams
I spent the last 2 hours picking up around here at home. I don't have to pick up the kids until 2. It will greatly reduce my stress knowing that I have a clean house to come home to tonight after work. I slept pretty well last night. I was out by 10:15 and slept thru until about 7, then I dozed until 8:45. I won't have that luxury tomorrow, but on the upside, I don't have to be at work until 2:45 PM on Thursday, so I can definitely sleep in that day.
I really wish there was something more exciting to report about. Different day, same chaos. It'd be nice to win the lottery. I'm in the mood to go hiking right now.
Current Mood: not looking forward to being really busy for the next 24 or so hours.
Current Mood: By Surprise.......Joy Williams
Monday, October 17, 2005
Wife-Swap
My dirty little secret...I love the show Wife-Swap...it is on tv tonight. I am looking forward to it. How sick am I? Today was a typical Monday. Crappy! Claire and I are "doing" lunch tomorrow. What has my life become? I have a big conference in Augusta on Wednesday. The Governor will be there. The second conference with him. It is so surreal at times. I mean, it isn't like conferencing with the President or something, but still dripping with self-importance, nonetheless. I'll be careful not to let it go to my head! :)
I am really glad today is over. It was nice to see the sun today. I needed that. I got some random emails today. One from my friend Terri in Alaska. Just checking in with me. She'll be home for a visit in the springtime. One from an old flame. Just checking in with me. I think he was just feeling me out. It is about time for our "same time next year" routine and I'm not interested!
Have I mentioned how glad I am that today is over? Tuesday thru Friday will be crazy busy as usual. At this rate, it'll be springtime again before I know it!
Current Mood: a little blah and tired
Current Music: Night Moves........Bob Seger
I am really glad today is over. It was nice to see the sun today. I needed that. I got some random emails today. One from my friend Terri in Alaska. Just checking in with me. She'll be home for a visit in the springtime. One from an old flame. Just checking in with me. I think he was just feeling me out. It is about time for our "same time next year" routine and I'm not interested!
Have I mentioned how glad I am that today is over? Tuesday thru Friday will be crazy busy as usual. At this rate, it'll be springtime again before I know it!
Current Mood: a little blah and tired
Current Music: Night Moves........Bob Seger
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Weekend Wrap-up
It was a nice relaxing weekend. Brian and I went to see Flightplan Friday night. It was boring and predictable. I don't recommend anyone spending $7 on it. Wait and rent it, if you must. We had supper at the Texas Roadhouse. Saturday morning, we drove to Orono so I could get my latte, then back to Bangor to go shopping. We hit up the furniture stores because Brian signed the papers for the new apartment! :) Then we went to the mall and shopped for some new clothes for him. We ate at Ruby's and my Bailey, Madison, Karen and Nonny were there! I got some big hugs and kisses from Bailey and Madison. Karen is emailing me some pictures of Bailey at gymnastics and she'll call so Bailey and Madison can spend some time with their Jennifer! After that, we went to Old Navy and Walmart.
Brian and I talked a lot about my owning a preschool/daycare in the Portland area. When the time is right, I know that career change will make me very happy.
I bought 6 new movies this weekend. Amityville 2: The Possession. This is a prequel to the original and remake of Amityville Horror. The prequel is about the actual family that owned the house and were murdered by the oldest son, who said the voices in the house made him do it. Amityville Horror is about the family that buys the house immediately after those murders and they lasted less than a month in the house before moving out. I also bought Scream 2, Ice Princess, The Pacifier, Fat Albert, and Surviving Christmas. I also bought 4 new ones last weekend.
Now, I am watching movies with the kids. Brian is at Paul's football game. In the rain. Cassie called Brian 3 times last night. Her boyfriend works for a Nextel racing team, so they were calling Brian from the race last night. Brian was watching it on tv and trying to explain some of it to me. I'm not a big race fan.
That is all my exciting news from this weekend.
Current Mood: happy
Current Music: You are Sixteen.....The Sound of Music
Brian and I talked a lot about my owning a preschool/daycare in the Portland area. When the time is right, I know that career change will make me very happy.
I bought 6 new movies this weekend. Amityville 2: The Possession. This is a prequel to the original and remake of Amityville Horror. The prequel is about the actual family that owned the house and were murdered by the oldest son, who said the voices in the house made him do it. Amityville Horror is about the family that buys the house immediately after those murders and they lasted less than a month in the house before moving out. I also bought Scream 2, Ice Princess, The Pacifier, Fat Albert, and Surviving Christmas. I also bought 4 new ones last weekend.
Now, I am watching movies with the kids. Brian is at Paul's football game. In the rain. Cassie called Brian 3 times last night. Her boyfriend works for a Nextel racing team, so they were calling Brian from the race last night. Brian was watching it on tv and trying to explain some of it to me. I'm not a big race fan.
That is all my exciting news from this weekend.
Current Mood: happy
Current Music: You are Sixteen.....The Sound of Music
Friday, October 14, 2005
Movie Night
Brian and I are going to see either Flightplan or The Fog tonight. Probably Flightplan because Brian hates horror movies. I'm kind of hoping I can sneak it by him without him noticing until the movie starts. :) Fat chance!
He also thinks he is getting that apartment. He said he'll decide today and that we can go furniture shopping tomorrow. He also said I can decorate the whole place any way I want, as long as it is within his price range! I LOVE decorating! I'm so excited about all of that. It has been two weeks since I've been to Presque Isle, so Brian is coming down here this weekend. Our two year anniversary is next week. I met him 2 years ago on the 24th and we had our first date on the 31st. We've certainly had our ups and downs during the course of these two years, but I love him. I read a quote today about how "you shouldn't marry the person you think you can live with, you should marry the person you know you can't live without." I thought that was sweet. It definitely sums up how I feel about Brian. I don't know yet how I am going to live with him, but I definitely know I don't want to live without him.
He also thinks he is getting that apartment. He said he'll decide today and that we can go furniture shopping tomorrow. He also said I can decorate the whole place any way I want, as long as it is within his price range! I LOVE decorating! I'm so excited about all of that. It has been two weeks since I've been to Presque Isle, so Brian is coming down here this weekend. Our two year anniversary is next week. I met him 2 years ago on the 24th and we had our first date on the 31st. We've certainly had our ups and downs during the course of these two years, but I love him. I read a quote today about how "you shouldn't marry the person you think you can live with, you should marry the person you know you can't live without." I thought that was sweet. It definitely sums up how I feel about Brian. I don't know yet how I am going to live with him, but I definitely know I don't want to live without him.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Great Night
We had a great night tonight at the center! I made pancakes and French toast for supper. The kids loved it. I had 4 volunteers, which was a huge help. We did yoga with Amol and then filmed a couple of scenes for our i-movie.
While doing yoga, Brian called me at work just to tell me he loved me...aaaaawwwwww! He can be so sweet when he wants to be! Hopefully he's still coming down tomorrow night. Next Friday, he'll be in Bangor for a class he has to take to keep his appraisal license current and he's having lunch with me.
Anyway, that is all she wrote.
While doing yoga, Brian called me at work just to tell me he loved me...aaaaawwwwww! He can be so sweet when he wants to be! Hopefully he's still coming down tomorrow night. Next Friday, he'll be in Bangor for a class he has to take to keep his appraisal license current and he's having lunch with me.
Anyway, that is all she wrote.
Movies
Last night we went to see "In Her Shoes" at the movies. I had just finished the book a week or two ago, so I was anxious to see it. Plus it starred Cameron Diaz, Toni Colette, and Shirley MacClaine, and I like all three actresses. It was funny and a good way to spend 2 hours.
I want to see The Corpse Bride and Flight Plan next. Maybe Brian and I'll go to the movies Friday night.
Shelley and Dan broke up. She came to the center last night and we talked about it. She has a lot of personal family stuff going on right now and didn't really need this on top of it, but she is doing pretty well.
Brian and I had a pretty good talk last night so that makes me happy. I don't like it when things are tense between us. I don't like it in general, but I esecially don't like it when we're 200 miles apart. Last night, we talked and things were back to normal. I hope he gets that new apartment. Everyone keep your fingers crossed. We really need a place that isn't a hotel or his parents or the office. Not that we've been miserable. It will just be nice to make meals together instead of always going out and it will be nice to have a place all our own and see how our relationship is like under the new conditions. His kids don't live with him so my being at his place is different then him being at mine. We both feel uncomfortable with him staying at my house because my kids live with me. He loves my kids, my kids love him and if there was any man I'd trust into my home, it is certainly Brian, but my kids are teenagers and what kind of message will I be sending them by letting Brian stay over? They are aware of my weekends away with Brian and they are not stupid. I am sure they assume we're sleeping together. But assuming one's parent has sex and being in the same house with it are different issues. When Brian and I are married or even engaged, things will be different, but until I know for sure, I don't feel I need to subject my kids to that unnecessarily. Kind of like why Brian and I don't sleep together in his parent's house, if his parents are in town. They know we sleep together, but it is a respect thing. I wouldn't feel right. When they are out of town, that is something different! :)
I want to see The Corpse Bride and Flight Plan next. Maybe Brian and I'll go to the movies Friday night.
Shelley and Dan broke up. She came to the center last night and we talked about it. She has a lot of personal family stuff going on right now and didn't really need this on top of it, but she is doing pretty well.
Brian and I had a pretty good talk last night so that makes me happy. I don't like it when things are tense between us. I don't like it in general, but I esecially don't like it when we're 200 miles apart. Last night, we talked and things were back to normal. I hope he gets that new apartment. Everyone keep your fingers crossed. We really need a place that isn't a hotel or his parents or the office. Not that we've been miserable. It will just be nice to make meals together instead of always going out and it will be nice to have a place all our own and see how our relationship is like under the new conditions. His kids don't live with him so my being at his place is different then him being at mine. We both feel uncomfortable with him staying at my house because my kids live with me. He loves my kids, my kids love him and if there was any man I'd trust into my home, it is certainly Brian, but my kids are teenagers and what kind of message will I be sending them by letting Brian stay over? They are aware of my weekends away with Brian and they are not stupid. I am sure they assume we're sleeping together. But assuming one's parent has sex and being in the same house with it are different issues. When Brian and I are married or even engaged, things will be different, but until I know for sure, I don't feel I need to subject my kids to that unnecessarily. Kind of like why Brian and I don't sleep together in his parent's house, if his parents are in town. They know we sleep together, but it is a respect thing. I wouldn't feel right. When they are out of town, that is something different! :)
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
New Stuff
* My friend David is running for re-election to the City Council and asked me to put a big sign on my lawn. I said of course.
* Brian's son Paul did not pass his driver's test. :( He'll retake it in 3 weeks.
* I'm taking the kids to the movies tonight.
* Brian's son Paul did not pass his driver's test. :( He'll retake it in 3 weeks.
* I'm taking the kids to the movies tonight.
Psycho-babble
Work was pretty good last night. It was more subdued than usual, which can be a good thing. Jamie came over to the center because she needed help typing up a paper for her class, so she brought her baby Jordan over and Kayla played with him for awhile while Jamie and I worked on her paper. Jordan is one of the babies at Itty Bitty. He is such a sweet natured baby. He fell asleep in Kayla's arms and it was just the sweetest thing.
I'm feeling a little better this morning. Jim's talk helped a lot. He had a good point. All of these life changes are coming at me one way or another, and I can either decide to stay all mopey and depressed about it or I can decide to put a smile on my face and deal with the changes as they come. Honestly, what will happen if I put on a happy face? Why do I feel like my outside needs to match my inside? My therapist used to say "Jenn, what will happen if you just let go of control of everything?" I remember looking at him like he was the one who was nuts. What will happen if I let go of this illusion of control I have over my life? All these little balls I have up in the air will come crashing down around me into a big chaotic mess that will cause me to lose sleep and lose weight because of loss of appetite, my skin will break out and I'll be generally unhappy. Ooooookaaaaay....so by mainting control I am losing sleep, losing weight, losing my appetite and I have 3 pimples and I am generally unhappy. BUT my balls are still up in the air! HA! The bottom line is, I don't like it when I can't be in control at all times. When I feel I am losing control, my house is super clean, I'm skinny, I am extremely organized and my kids have a Stepford mother.
Do you want to know what I think is the biggest problem I have with work? Last year, I simply volunteered at the center 20 hours a week. I was not paid in dollars. I was paid in satisfaction of helping these kids that I love so much. When they lost their program because of lack of funding, I made a personal vow to help in any way I could so they could get their program back. SO fastforward to today. The program is back and I am now a paid employee. I should be super happy. I'm doing exactly the same things I was doing last year, except now I am getting paid for it! I think it all boils down to intrinsic and extrinsic motivation. Last year, I was intrinsically motivated to work at the center because of the personal fulfillment and satisfaction it was giving me. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I was helping others. Now I feel obligated to do the same things because I am getting a paycheck. I'm not deriving as much personal satisfaction. Does this make sense? My motivation has inadvertantly become extrinsic because of the paycheck.
And to think I went into education instead of pyschology! By the time I get myself all psycho-analyzed and figured out, I'll be too old to care anymore and ready to die. Think of all of the precious energy I am wasting on this. Not to mention, what is the whole damn point of figuring it all out anyway? Finding out WHY something is happening doesn't make it stop happening. It just gives you a name to call it. Like gravity. It wasn't like things didn't fall down before the discovery of gravity. It isn't like things stopped falling down after the discovery. All it did was answer the question, WHY do things fall down instead of up? Newton sat there and said, "I'm going to call this phenomenon gravity." I know I sleep easier knowing there is a name for it.
Current Mood: okay
Current Music: Getting into You....Relient K
I'm feeling a little better this morning. Jim's talk helped a lot. He had a good point. All of these life changes are coming at me one way or another, and I can either decide to stay all mopey and depressed about it or I can decide to put a smile on my face and deal with the changes as they come. Honestly, what will happen if I put on a happy face? Why do I feel like my outside needs to match my inside? My therapist used to say "Jenn, what will happen if you just let go of control of everything?" I remember looking at him like he was the one who was nuts. What will happen if I let go of this illusion of control I have over my life? All these little balls I have up in the air will come crashing down around me into a big chaotic mess that will cause me to lose sleep and lose weight because of loss of appetite, my skin will break out and I'll be generally unhappy. Ooooookaaaaay....so by mainting control I am losing sleep, losing weight, losing my appetite and I have 3 pimples and I am generally unhappy. BUT my balls are still up in the air! HA! The bottom line is, I don't like it when I can't be in control at all times. When I feel I am losing control, my house is super clean, I'm skinny, I am extremely organized and my kids have a Stepford mother.
Do you want to know what I think is the biggest problem I have with work? Last year, I simply volunteered at the center 20 hours a week. I was not paid in dollars. I was paid in satisfaction of helping these kids that I love so much. When they lost their program because of lack of funding, I made a personal vow to help in any way I could so they could get their program back. SO fastforward to today. The program is back and I am now a paid employee. I should be super happy. I'm doing exactly the same things I was doing last year, except now I am getting paid for it! I think it all boils down to intrinsic and extrinsic motivation. Last year, I was intrinsically motivated to work at the center because of the personal fulfillment and satisfaction it was giving me. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I was helping others. Now I feel obligated to do the same things because I am getting a paycheck. I'm not deriving as much personal satisfaction. Does this make sense? My motivation has inadvertantly become extrinsic because of the paycheck.
And to think I went into education instead of pyschology! By the time I get myself all psycho-analyzed and figured out, I'll be too old to care anymore and ready to die. Think of all of the precious energy I am wasting on this. Not to mention, what is the whole damn point of figuring it all out anyway? Finding out WHY something is happening doesn't make it stop happening. It just gives you a name to call it. Like gravity. It wasn't like things didn't fall down before the discovery of gravity. It isn't like things stopped falling down after the discovery. All it did was answer the question, WHY do things fall down instead of up? Newton sat there and said, "I'm going to call this phenomenon gravity." I know I sleep easier knowing there is a name for it.
Current Mood: okay
Current Music: Getting into You....Relient K
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Anyway...
I spent about an hour talking with Jim. I had to go pick up a mini-dv camera for the center tonight. The kids are filming their i-movie. He gave me some good advice about where to get more volunteers for the center and gave me some good advice about Brian. I am just frustrated right now. There are just a lot of little things all coming together at once. Summer is over. I'm not spending nearly as much time with Brian as I have been because we're busier than we were this summer. He has football games to go to because his son plays. Brian wants to be with me, too, but doesn't want to miss much of the last year and a half with his son. I don't want him to miss much of it either. BUT it is still frustrating, even if Brian is worth the wait. Work is good but emotionally draining. Kayla is starting to drive and is going to start dating very soon. My ex is getting married in June. I really am okay with that but his future wife wants a child. He doesn't want any more kids and I don't know how I feel about him being a father to kids other than ours. Not that I have anything to say about it, which I acknowledge that I don't. There are just lots of things to deal with and feelings to explore and to think about lately between Brian, work, my kids, their father, my father, etc. It is all overwhelming at times. I pray and wait, wait and pray.
Jim made me promise I'd stop worrying about it. He thinks I need to smile again and leave everything in God's hands. I need to remember everything I have to be thankful for...a safe, warm dwelling that I can afford, money to pay my bills, food in the pantry, a car that runs, healthy kids, a healthy self, friends that care, a church that I love, and most importanly, faith in a God that hasn't let me down yet.
Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: Nothing Compares....Third Day
Jim made me promise I'd stop worrying about it. He thinks I need to smile again and leave everything in God's hands. I need to remember everything I have to be thankful for...a safe, warm dwelling that I can afford, money to pay my bills, food in the pantry, a car that runs, healthy kids, a healthy self, friends that care, a church that I love, and most importanly, faith in a God that hasn't let me down yet.
Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: Nothing Compares....Third Day
October 11, 2005
I don't want to do a damn thing today! I just want to hang out and stay home. The dangers of indulging in a 4-day weekend. I was watching Alicia Keyes on Good Morning America and she really is very very pretty, not to mention incredibly talented.
Last night, I had bizarre dreams. None of any substance to write about, but just weird. I also woke up every couple of hours, which I did not do all weekend. That was because I was just stressing about work today and knowing I am back on a time schedule. I'd keep waking up thinking I'd overslept.
Last night, the kids and I watched Wife Swap. I hate to admit it but I like that show. I like to see how other people rear their children because it is interesting to see what works and what doesn't. Plus it gives the kids and I a chance to talk about the different parenting styles and the kids usually come away feeling glad that we're relatively sane and functional as a family unit.
Oh well, I need my latte to get going this morning.
Last night, I had bizarre dreams. None of any substance to write about, but just weird. I also woke up every couple of hours, which I did not do all weekend. That was because I was just stressing about work today and knowing I am back on a time schedule. I'd keep waking up thinking I'd overslept.
Last night, the kids and I watched Wife Swap. I hate to admit it but I like that show. I like to see how other people rear their children because it is interesting to see what works and what doesn't. Plus it gives the kids and I a chance to talk about the different parenting styles and the kids usually come away feeling glad that we're relatively sane and functional as a family unit.
Oh well, I need my latte to get going this morning.
Monday, October 10, 2005
Driver's Ed
Let's just say, I am NOT good in the passenger seat while my daughter is driving. I really didn't think I'd be so bad at this. All three kids are mad at me. Mom, she's just learning! Mom, stop yelling at her. For the record, I wasn't yelling so much as I was saying, "Brake, Kayla. BRAKE, Kayla!"
Then driving home, we drove by the tree I had run into with Danny Emerson's car back in 1988. That was before I had my driver's license. I was instantly reminded of how far I have come in the driving world.
We're going to try it again later and I promise to be more patient. It is amazing how fast 10 mph feels from the passenger seat, though!
Then driving home, we drove by the tree I had run into with Danny Emerson's car back in 1988. That was before I had my driver's license. I was instantly reminded of how far I have come in the driving world.
We're going to try it again later and I promise to be more patient. It is amazing how fast 10 mph feels from the passenger seat, though!
Sunday, October 09, 2005
Let It Snow
It is 6 PM and I am ready for bed already! I should be at church tonight, but the heavy rain has me avoiding driving to Bangor today. I went to Ampersand's and then made a quick trip to the drive-thru at Burger King tonight for Zach. The girls are having chinese food with their dad tonight. Zach and I are just hanging out. He wanted to listen to Christmas music this evening.
I'm in my jammies, finishing up laundry, and reading, with Christmas music playing in the background. Now if only it was SNOWING instead of raining! :) I've been having serious ski withdrawals! I can't wait to ski, ski, ski! And go sledding and snowshoeing and x-country skiing.
Current Mood: relaxed
Current Music: I'll be Home for Christmas......Bing Crosby
I'm in my jammies, finishing up laundry, and reading, with Christmas music playing in the background. Now if only it was SNOWING instead of raining! :) I've been having serious ski withdrawals! I can't wait to ski, ski, ski! And go sledding and snowshoeing and x-country skiing.
Current Mood: relaxed
Current Music: I'll be Home for Christmas......Bing Crosby
Cold and Wet
That is the weather forecast for today. The kids and I are cleaning today. I bought 4 movies yesterday so we've had plenty to occupy ourselves while being stuck inside. I am so glad I have tomorrow off! I slept in today until 10:30. I think one more day of that and I'll be good to go! In college, we always called Columbus Day break "Suicide Break" because statistics had proven that more suicides occured on campus when the 4 day weekend was taken away. Mid-October can be a stressful time because it is also mid-semester. After Halloween, there is like 3 1/2 weeks till Thanksgiving and everyone knows that after Thanksgiving break, little gets done before classes end for the semester in December. I think the same goes for the real world, too. I've been stressing right out, not over anything in particular, but just a bunch of little things that combine into one big "EVERYTHNG". This long weekend was desperately needed.
Saturday, October 08, 2005
A Day in the Life of Me
I bought a new AC power adapter for the kids old SNES system. They have about 20 games with it and we'd lost the adapter long ago (probably tossed out on one of my cleaning rampages) so Zach suggested I buy a new cord. Now they are playing their video games that they haven't played in quite a few years. They still have an original PS One and two PS 2's and they all have game boy colors and Zach has a game boy color advanced SP AND his newest addition is a PSP. Not to mention, they have an Atari, which is my personal favorite, and assorted computer games, but variety is the spice of life! And video games are good to while away a rainy long weekend. I spent one entire weekend playing Grand Theft Auto. I remember that once I got behind the wheel again of a real car, it was hard to lose the feeling of wanting to run down pedestrians and drive on sidewalks. My kids were white-knuckled that entire trip to the grocery store, or so the family legend goes, so I have since put myself on GTA restriction.
I bought a nice Aeropostal shirt, one book and two movies (Rudolph and Home Alone) at Goodwill last night and I treated the kids to a nice supper out. I talked with Brian last night on the phone until almost midnight and slept in until Zach and Kayla came in and jumped on the bed to wake me up. They wanted me to get my latte and get them steamers and bagels. Plus they wanted to get the day going. I promised to take Kayla shopping today. Old Navy and Kohl's, Famous Footware and AC Moore have all opened up this weekend. All this means is that we won't have to go to Augusta anymore for these stores.
I need to go grocery shopping today.
I also want to buy a new bedroom set today. I told Kayla that she can have my queensize bed for her room. I want a new one.
Oh well, that is all for now.
I bought a nice Aeropostal shirt, one book and two movies (Rudolph and Home Alone) at Goodwill last night and I treated the kids to a nice supper out. I talked with Brian last night on the phone until almost midnight and slept in until Zach and Kayla came in and jumped on the bed to wake me up. They wanted me to get my latte and get them steamers and bagels. Plus they wanted to get the day going. I promised to take Kayla shopping today. Old Navy and Kohl's, Famous Footware and AC Moore have all opened up this weekend. All this means is that we won't have to go to Augusta anymore for these stores.
I need to go grocery shopping today.
I also want to buy a new bedroom set today. I told Kayla that she can have my queensize bed for her room. I want a new one.
Oh well, that is all for now.
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Rambling
I had a fairly good night's sleep last night. I have a "tired" headache right now, meaning my eyes still feel tired, but the rest of me is feeling well-rested. I've had a stressful week last week and it was all catching up to me yesterday. I spent about an hour yesterday talking with Jim and he gave me his old standby advice, "Pray about it, Jenn." It was helpful, though and he ended our conversation with, "You know how I feel about you." That made me happy and sad all at once because I do know. What is sad about that statement is the knowledge that no matter how much you may love someone, if it isn't meant to be, there isn't anything you can do about it. But it made me happy just knowing that someone loved me like that, even if we didn't marry each other (in fact, he's now married to someone else). Our friendship was based initially on attraction, but turned into love and no matter where we are in our lives, we still have that friendship. It is a different kind of love than the kind I feel for Brian. I eat, sleep, and breathe Brian. He is my lover, my intellectual equal, my best friend. Jim is my confidente, my reminder to trust in God, my mentor. I know this sounds cliche, but seriously, if I were a man, I would be Jim.
I talked with Brian for a few hours last night and he said a lot of things that made sense. He knows I am not really as happy with this new job, emotionally speaking, but he said that the reason I am missing the preschool so much is because it was comfortable and routine and safe. This new job is challenging and fast-paced and inconsistent. He said that he thinks I am the type of person that is most comfortable with a job that has a routine and when I don't have one, I feel more stressed and less competent. I said I had to agree. There is a lot of responsibility with this new job. Yes, I am rising to the challenge and succeeding, but at a cost to my mental health. The welfare system, the economy and politics in general, can be discouraging and pessimism is bountiful. I deal directly with the children of this system and it is heartbreaking. I work directly with the government to improve these kids' lives and the government feels bad and says, "Here's a hundred grand, how are you going to spend it." These kids don't need $100,000. These kids need parents that give a shit. They need a bath. They need hugs and kisses. They need parents that aren't addicted to meth, trying to get off heroine. They need a house that doesn't smell like animal feces. They need clothes that fit. So my group of volunteers and I feed these kids, hug these kids, care about these kids, and drive ourselves crazy.
The advice given to me yesterday was pray (Jim) and stop thinking so much about it (Brian) and get a good night's sleep (Brian). I have to do something. My jeans are getting too big. These would be my new jeans. The jeans I bought because my others were getting too big.
Current Mood: Not Right
Current Music: Baby Lets Her Blue Jeans Talk............Dr. Hook
I talked with Brian for a few hours last night and he said a lot of things that made sense. He knows I am not really as happy with this new job, emotionally speaking, but he said that the reason I am missing the preschool so much is because it was comfortable and routine and safe. This new job is challenging and fast-paced and inconsistent. He said that he thinks I am the type of person that is most comfortable with a job that has a routine and when I don't have one, I feel more stressed and less competent. I said I had to agree. There is a lot of responsibility with this new job. Yes, I am rising to the challenge and succeeding, but at a cost to my mental health. The welfare system, the economy and politics in general, can be discouraging and pessimism is bountiful. I deal directly with the children of this system and it is heartbreaking. I work directly with the government to improve these kids' lives and the government feels bad and says, "Here's a hundred grand, how are you going to spend it." These kids don't need $100,000. These kids need parents that give a shit. They need a bath. They need hugs and kisses. They need parents that aren't addicted to meth, trying to get off heroine. They need a house that doesn't smell like animal feces. They need clothes that fit. So my group of volunteers and I feed these kids, hug these kids, care about these kids, and drive ourselves crazy.
The advice given to me yesterday was pray (Jim) and stop thinking so much about it (Brian) and get a good night's sleep (Brian). I have to do something. My jeans are getting too big. These would be my new jeans. The jeans I bought because my others were getting too big.
Current Mood: Not Right
Current Music: Baby Lets Her Blue Jeans Talk............Dr. Hook
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Update
We had a good night at the center last night. Chip came up from Augusta and ended up staying longer than he'd planned. He was blown away by what we have going on there. He kept saying that he "had no idea." So looks like we might be getting more funding from the government for another position. He said there is clearly enough work there for two people. I feel very pleased with how the meeting went. He was also impressed with how well we've been able to meet the kids' needs on such a minimal budget and with my filing system.
BUT I still don't see me at this job forever. I don't love it like I loved being a preschool teacher.
Current Mood: pensive
Current Music: Saturday in the Park.........Chicago
BUT I still don't see me at this job forever. I don't love it like I loved being a preschool teacher.
Current Mood: pensive
Current Music: Saturday in the Park.........Chicago
Monday, October 03, 2005
Chip is coming up from Augusta tomorrow for a site tour. I don't know why I am so nervous about it. I don't have to be at work tomorrow until 2 PM. Hopefully, I will sleep in a little tomorrow. I just took a nice hot shower and shaved my legs. I feel human again. I did absolutely NOTHING at work today, except clean the center and organize my desk!
That horrible boat accident in Lake George was where Brian and I spent Labor Day Weekend in upstate New York. I am missing him so much right now.
I am going to go to bed and read. I finished In Her Shoes last night. I wanted to finish it before I see the movie. I don't know what book I want to start right now. I just picked up Advise and Consent.
That horrible boat accident in Lake George was where Brian and I spent Labor Day Weekend in upstate New York. I am missing him so much right now.
I am going to go to bed and read. I finished In Her Shoes last night. I wanted to finish it before I see the movie. I don't know what book I want to start right now. I just picked up Advise and Consent.
WOW...Tired!
What a great weekend! It didn't start off so hot Friday night. I talked with Brian for a little while and then went to bed. I slept until 10 AM the next morning. I never do that anymore. So the kids and I got up and we headed to Bar Harbor for the day to do some hiking. BEAUTIFUL! The weather was low 70s and not a cloud in the sky. We hiked over to Bar Island, which is only accessible during low tide because you have to walk across the sandbar. The kids always try to get me to lose track of time while we're over there so we can get stranded on the island until the next low tide. Then we had some supper and headed back to Bangor. We went bowling later that night with Eric and Erin. That was a lot of fun. On Sunday, the kids and I got up at 6:30 AM and went to church. We haven't been together for awhile. Hayley will go with Sara and I'll go, or Kayla will go with her friends. Zach has been gone all summer. So anyway, it was good to be back in church to see our friends there. We came home and I got my latte and then we packed a picnic lunch and a blanket, some games and books and spent the afternoon at Webster Park. It was 80 degrees out yesterday. Zach went swimming in the river. It was funny to watch him swim against the current because he couldn't move ahead at all and when he slowed down his strokes, he would move downstream! Very funny to watch! After that, we went hiking on the boardwalk at the Orono Bog. It is like 2 miles of boardwalk and because of the 80 degrees wasn't as enjoyable as it could have been. I had been wearing a sweatshirt and didn't have a tee-shirt on underneath, so I was trapped in my clothes. It was busier there than I had thought it would be. Why, I'm not so sure, with Orono being as liberal infested as it is! :)
GOOD NEWS! My phone line now works both ways at work!!! YIPPEE!!!
Current Mood: happy
Current Music: Wang Chung
GOOD NEWS! My phone line now works both ways at work!!! YIPPEE!!!
Current Mood: happy
Current Music: Wang Chung
Saturday, October 01, 2005
Happy October
My mood seems slightly better this morning. I'm not sure what the kids and I am going to do today. Tomorrow morning we're going to church. The weather is beautiful outside. I really want to get some nice Fall pictures of the kids outside.
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