February 28, 2006

What a crappy night! Sleeping-wise anyway. I woke up at 3:15 AM and could not go back to sleep...I tossed and turned and slept fitfully.

Other than that, the kids and I had a good night. We ordered pizza and watched WifeSwap. Tonight we'll be at the center. I have a conference in Hallowell on Thursday, so the center will be closed on that day. I ran some errands today. Bill paying and bought some stuff that Zach needs for his science fair project. He of course waited until the last minute and is doing it on something I know nothing about...electricity!

I've been having a lot of dreams lately that I have a baby. In these dreams, I am frantically searching for a bottle...or parts of the bottle...to feed the baby. I have also been having dreams of getting a German shepard dog. I've been in the market for a Golden retriever or another lab mix, but in my dreams, it is a German shepard.

A woman from the UK has a web blog called Top Girls and she emailed me and asked if she could have a picture of me for her website. I said, yeah. Why not? I checked out the page. It doesn't appear to be pornographic...just random pictures of random girls.

I desperately need to move. I want to live in an artsy neighborhood. I need to get out of Maine.

So, I pose this question to you Blog World...if you are at a place in your life where you can move anywhere, where do you go?

I've blogged about my friend Terri before. My friend that moved to Alaska...by HERSELF...who is loving every minute of it. I admire her courage and sense of adventure.

There are just a lot of ghosts and memories for me here. I remind myself of my own grandmother, who spent 4 years longer than she should have, in the house she had shared with my grandfather before he died. After he died, it got to be too much for her to handle the day to day upkeep of the house. Plus I take care of my grandmother because my father is a missing person, so for me, travelling 25 miles each way to attend to her needs, while taking care of my own children and going to school fulltime and working part-time got to be too much. I begged and pleaded for her to move closer to me, closer to the hospital and doctors and grocery stores to no avail. I finally had enough and was so full of frustration I told her that I would help her hire a caretaker, which I knew she would never go for, but I was physically exhausted. She said, "I can't leave. This is where we lived." I said, "Grandma, Grandpop isn't here anymore. He would want you to make some smart choices and take better care of yourself than you have been." She broke down in tears and finally agreed to move to the next town over from me. She wouldn't move because she didn't want to leave him. Once I reminded her that he would always be with her no matter where she lived, she was more willing to compromise.

It will be 6 years in September since I last saw my father. Zach was 6, Kayla was 10 and Hayley was 9. My brothers and sister had not had their own kids yet. My father has never seen my nieces. He suffers from mental illness and my brothers had tracked him down to a half-way house a few years ago and had made plans to meet up with him, but he never showed. He hasn't been heard from since. I think maybe a part of me won't move because I was living here when my dad was still in my life. I have the same phone number, which I unsafely keep listed, just in case he should look it up.

Brain Hurts

My brain hurts, so this will be a quick post. I need to give Iona something to read in the morning! :)

Okay, my weekend was good. Kayla's birthday was Friday. She and I went to supper at the Texas Roadhouse. We got yummy tenderloin tips with sauteed onions and mushrooms. Then we bought 6 movies which we proceeded to watch throughout the weekend. I particularly liked the 40-Year Old Virgin. I'm sick, I know. I never said I had good taste. It made me laugh. Especially the scene when her 16 year old daughter walks in on them trying to have sex. I am the mother of a 16 year old, so I found humor in the scene...in a "haha, I'm glad I am just watching this on t.v. and this isn't really happening to me" kind of way.

In case you haven't noticed yet, it is F***ing cold!!! I went tanning and I am still cold. I am still the proud owner of a dickhead of a boyfriend. I am still shopping for a car. I am still looking for a new dog. I think I've contracted SARS.

Okay...that is enough until I am so inclined to write more. Oh and Nettie sent me lots of new pics of Peyton. I'll post them soon.

Current Mood: blah
Current Music: Shake That......Eminem...Damn You, Z107.3!!! Get a new freaking playlist!

1986...Them Were the Days

A retro radio flashblack reminded me of the year 1986. I was in 8th grade the beginning of 1986. I think it was one of the favorite years of my youth. It was a time of innocence for most of us. For me personally, because I was only 13, but I think compared to the world today, we were all pretty innocent. Roller skating or the movies was THE thing to do on a weekend night. American Bandstand was still on after Saturday morning cartoons. Miami Vice made us drool. The Rubiks Cube had been solved. The White House was still giving tours to people who cared to line up and wait. Now you need to write to your Representive or Senator or something and let them know when you'll be in town.

The 13 year-olds of 1986 had grown up watching their older siblings/cousins/aunts and uncles romancing in the style of Jack and Diane and we couldn't wait to be old enough to get ice-cream and make-out at the Tasty Freeze...isn't that what love was? We didn't have metal detectors in school. Germany was still East and West, separated by the Berlin Wall. Paris was just a city in France. Silly Rabbit meant something. Levi's jean jackets and parachute pants were still lingering...Cyndi Lauper, Madonna, Michael Jackson, Bryan Adams, Eddie and the Cruisers...You Can't Do That on Television...even Alannis still had her heart intact. MTV had VIDEOS!!! Warrior, I Can't Drive 55, Hot for Teacher (which had us saying "Sit Down, Waldo" on school busses everywhere)...who could forget Mr. Mister? Or "We are the World"...Phil Collin's No Jacket Required...I was a C.I.T. that summer...that would be Counselor in Training. I went to a Monkees Reunion Concert. My future childen were delegated to the part of my brain that housed the "when I grow up I am going to marry a man named Robert or Jonathon (and I will somehow acquire a British accent because I only like saying those names like Anna on General Hospital) and have two twin daughters named Jacquelyn and Jessica or Ashley and Amber" memories...Okay, so I'm not married, there has never been a Robert or Jonathon, even though I am compelled to say those names with a British accent, and I do have two daughters, but they are far from twins and their names are Kayla and Hayley. I never imagined a son. Sorry, Zach!

Newsworthy stuff happened, too...Chernobyl, Iran Contra, Libya, the Space Shuttle exploded, Rehnquist was approved as Chief Justice...stamps were only .22 cents...New England was in the Super Bowl...Red Sox was in the World Series...it would be almost 20 years before we'd win either of those...the Celtics won the NBA championship...remember ugly tennis players? Martina and Boris Becker? Oprah debuted. I do believe this was also the time of Geraldo's "Capone's Vault" that proved to be empty and no vault at all. Wendy's still had their famous, to die for, Chocolate Chip Cookie...


I wonder what life will be like when my children pause to reflect in the naivite of 2006?

Things To Blog About...

1986
My Weekend
New Books
Sudoko
Kakuro
anime eyes
Peyton...I got some new pics from Lynette. He is SO cute! Hopefully we can coordinate a visit before he is 4! :)


First I have to clean and relax.

Game Day

Game Day
Originally uploaded by jennluvsgable.

Me at work on game day.

Tiger Game

Tiger Game
Originally uploaded by jennluvsgable.

Monday night's game.

Alright My People

It is nightly update time. I hate f***ing Fat Albert!!! Why should I hate such a nice big boy? Because my kids are watching the movie for the billionth time. I think I may have enjoyed it once or twice, but now, not so much.

Work was lonnnnnng. Tomorrow is Friday. Hey Hey Hey...Nah, nah, nah...gonna have a good time! It is my daughter's 16th birthday. The kids and I are going to enjoy an evening out. It will be fun. Saturday night, I am going out with some friends, I think. Sunday, church. Monday...back to the grind. I can't forget about that conference on Thursday. I might go car shopping Saturday during the day.

Okay...now it is time for supper. Pasta bake with sauce, hamburger and cheese. Garlic bread on the side. Yummy salad as an appetizer. No dessert. Saving up for tomorrow night.

TV Guide

I was in the check-out line at the grocery store when I noticed the cover of the TV Guide. I forgot that the character Meredith, on Grey's Anatomy calls her heart-throb Dr. Sheppard, McDreamy...too bad our McDreamys turned into McFuckNuts...

Anyway, I'm getting ready to go to work. Only 5 more days left to this month! Spring is coming! :)


Current Mood: still sleepy
Current Music: Lay Down Sally......Clapton...Seems like I can't get away from this song. Every time I hear it, it brings me right back to Laconia 2005, puking into the toilet after a long day/night of partying.

Sit, Ubu, Sit

So my little experiment about not bringing my laptop to work today went okay. I got a lot of reading done!!! The older kids played outside for a lot of the day, and the younger kids played a few quiet games and watched some movies. I was worried about one of the kids for two reasons...reason one...it was his first time visiting the center...reason two...his mother walks him around on a leash! But he was very well-behaved which was a pleasant surprise, especially since I didn't anticipate his appearance until tomorrow, as his mother had warned...maybe she thought I'd move to Mexico before tomorrow got here! Things didn't get hairy until the end when he tried to lick (yes, I said LICK) some of the big kids. My wonderful son said, "You know, if you need to walk your kid around on a leash, maybe you should think about adoption!"

After work, Kayla and I went tanning and I just now finished dinner. We had tacos. Interesting tacos. My youngest daughter was in charge of browning taco meat while oldest daughter and I were browning ourselves at the tanning salon...we got home to the smell of newly browned ground spicy hot sausage that I was going to use in tomorrow's spaghetti sauce...no biggie, I guess. We quickly moved on to plan B, which was having spicy hot sausage tacos and tomorrow, our spaghetti sauce will have hamburger.

I think I am going to relax in a hot bubble bath and light some candles. Maybe take some NyQuil, even though I am feeling like a brand-new person, not sick at all and no symptoms that warrant the NyQuil...I just love that drugged up, can't keep my eyes open feeling. God I miss frat parties!!! Probably shouldn't mess around with that stuff in the tub, though! :) Is that where I want to be when Jesus comes back?

Current Mood: hyper
Current Music: Kiss You All Over..............Exile

February 22, 2006

Where is the morning going? I have to head off to work. 11-4:30 today. Yesterday started off slow and quickly picked up speed. Today is just speedy.

I'm going to do a little experiment today. I am going to leave my laptop at HOME! We'll see how I do.

My search for a new car begins in earnest today. OR I might just run mine into the ground and then buy a new one, but it might be nice to have two vehicles. One to take to the Mud Bogs with my new friend Tonya Harding. (Read like 6 posts down for that story.)

I am bored with my life. I keep waiting for something truly exciting and amazing to occur. I don't think there is anything or anyone truly exciting or amazing in all of Bangor. My friends excluded, of course.

Two Movies

I watched two movies tonight. Doom was the first. Save your video rental dollars on that one!

Domino was the second. What a wonderfully messed up movie. I loved it. I predicted the ending about 3/4 of the way thru, but it was still a fun movie to watch. I loved Latisha's scene on Jerry Springer talking about Chinegros...and it was good to see Ian Zeiring and Brian Austin Green playing themselves and of course, I love any movie starring Mickey Rourke.

Time for bed!

Tuesday...Feels Like Monday

I was right about not getting any sleep! We got home after the game about 10:30 PM. By midnight, I still couldn't fall asleep. I was up by 6:45 AM. I guess that is what I get for sleeping more than 12 hours yesterday. I am feeling pretty good, though. My throat and stuffy nose are only at their worst when I first get up.

The game was fun. We lost. BAD! But it was nice seeing some people that I haven't seen for awhile. We went to the mall yesterday and Kohl's and Old Navy. I saw all the nice new spring clothes out AND a skunk ran across the road last night, while we were driving back from Bangor. A good sign that spring is on the way!

The center is going to be open during the day this week, instead of at night. Claire said she was fine with that. It just doesn't make sense to be open at night, when the kids are all home this week for February vacation. It will be nice to be able to come home from work at a normal hour and enjoy some evenings at home. I have a conference in Hallowell on March 2nd, so we'll be closed that day.

I have a tanning appointment and then off to work.

February 20, 2006

NyQuil is my friend...my friend is the Devil. I took some of this nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever, sleep better to feel better medicine and guess what? I missed Grey's Anatomy!!! I took it at 9:15 PM. I was still fighting to stay awake at 9:45 PM. That is the time the lights went out. Like a switch. I woke up at 9 AM this morning and laid there until 10:30 dozing on and off. That is more than 12 hours of rest. I slept like a log. I slept like the drugged. Then the horror of it all hit me. I had missed my favorite show!

I still have a sniffly nose and stuffy head and a little cough, but instead of being exhausted with those things, now I can fully enjoy the symptoms in all their glory, knowing that I probably won't sleep again for a long time.

I am going to go take my shower. It is noon already. I've only been up for an hour and a half, though, so don't be thinking I'm a lazy slut quite just yet. After, I am going to the mall. I might even go to Old Navy and Kohl's. I am in the mood to shop. I want some new shoes and some new shirts.


Current Mood: wide-eyed and if I had a tail, I bet it would be bushy. Maybe not, since I have an aversion to body hair.
Current Music: Shake That..............Eminem.......of all songs to get stuck in my head...shake that ass for me is not the lyric I need in my brain.

Save Me!

I think this is officially the most boring day of my life!!!

How bored am I, you ask? Well, I am watching The Incredibles. I've seen this DVD no less than 50 times, I swear!

Is it time for NyQuil yet?

That is what is on the agenda tonight...Grey's Anatomy. NyQuil. Sleep.

I suppose I could be watching the Daytona 500. Normally that would bore me to tears, but Hell, I am already there. Even my kids are boring today. Notice I didn't say they were bored. I said they were BORING! No one has fallen down the stairs, come up with clever comments or even fought with each other.

Weird

I was getting ready to sign off and something caught my interest and then that thought led to another and then I found myself looking at one of my archived posts back in July. My uncle killed himself July 17th. For some reason, when I think about the funeral, it always seems like it was in the fall. It is weird how I can remember specific things, like what I was wearing when I heard the news, who I called, what I said, but I couldn't remember that it happened in July.

Another Sunday

I am so glad I have tomorrow off. I don't have anything exciting planned, but it beats hanging out in the office all day. I have that basketball game to go to at 8:30 PM tomorrow night.

The kids want lasagna for supper tonight.

It is so cold today! I am going to go tanning to warm up. It is such a beautiful day, though, sun-wise, and it seems like such a waste. If it was at least above freezing, I'd go for a run. I so detest running in the field house. I love to run, though. It is one of my favorite ways to relax. I suppose today would be a good day to hang out at the gym. I know! Maybe I'll do my Pilates DVD. I hardly ever do it anymore.

I definitely need to go thru my clothes today. It has been a few months since I've done that. I need to do some shopping and revamp my wardrobe. I am sick of what I have. I am all set on jeans. All set on pants really. I am just very bored of the shirts I have. I need to go shopping in Freeport soon. Hit up Ralph Lauren. Actually, I think what I am really sick of is my winter wardrobe. I have a lot of shirts with shorter sleeves.

I also didn't read yesterday. I still have about 10 books I need to read. I have a ton more I want to buy, but I really should read the ones I have beforer I buy new ones. I am just addicted to buying books, new or used. I always go to Goodwill and end up with an armload of books for me and the kids.

So now I have my list of things to do today...

Tan
Workout
Laundry
Go thru clothes
Read
Cook lasagna

Another Knee Slapper

No offense to my friends from Oregon, but I couldn't resist taking a jab at their newest boxer, Tonya Harding...

"Only one of two American woman to land a triple axle in US competition, Tonya told Harry Smith when she appeared on The Early Show that she is seeking reinstatement in the U.S. Figure Skating world.
Tonya would like to make enough money boxing then retire to live alone with her Persian cat, Smalls.
"It would be nice having enough money to go hunting and fishing and go to the big four-wheel-drive mud bogs," she says. "And every once in a while put on a really pretty dress and go to dinner at a place like Applebee's or something."

Oh to dream!!!

Wouldn't it be fun to see a boxing match with Tonya pitted against Nancy Kerrigan? I really don't know why I apologized with my "no offense" comment. Technically, I didn't really have to come up with a clever jab...I didn't have to say a thing. Tonya said it all herself.

Sizzler's anyone?

February 18, 2006

This Saturday morning/afternoon is BORING! That is okay, though.

The weather went from 45-50 degrees to 15 in less than a day. Any wonder why my sinuses are a mess? It'll warm back up into the 30s and 40s in two or three days, but today, it is frigging cold!!!

I had a good laugh about Eric getting woken up by a cop shooting a rabid raccoon outside his house! It reminded me of one night in front of my house, a cop had his lights on and a car was pulled over. I was in bed but I could still see the annoying lights. All of a sudden, I heard a similar POP, like Eric must of heard. I have an over-active imagination and immediately thought that the driver must have shot at the cop, or vice-versa...so I crawled on my hands and knees to Desaraye's room and was like "Did you hear that?" "Yeah, it sounded like a gun shot." Then another one went off and I was like, "what do we do?" So I crawled back to my bedroom and peeked thru the blinds...I saw the cop walking back from the other side of the railroad tracks. It dawned on me what must of happened...the car hit a deer, which happens weekly on this road, and it was still alive, so the policeman had to dispatch the animal. A lot less exciting than my imagined version, but reminds me of why Eric and I are such good friends...we have similar paranoia issues!

Oh my goodness! This just cracked me up. My son just came in to the living room...

"Mom, can we like do something today?"
"Sure, what do you think we should do?"
"I don't know, go to the mall maybe...or get a dog." It made me laugh that he just threw the 'get a dog' in there. We really are having a hard time adjusting to being dogless. There is a 2 year old black lab available. The family is giving it away. The kids and I were very interested at first, but we found out the dog's name was Spunky. Zach is pressuring me to call about the dog, but I told him the name had to pass the straight-face test. I told him to go stand on the steps and yell outside to "Spunky"...and no, we couldn't change the name. At two years old, I doubt the dog would come to another name.

Current Mood: happy
Current Music: In a New York Minute.................Don Henley

My Evening

I met Sarah and Stacey at The Chocolate Grille. We had a very nice dinner and we ended up staying there all evening. We talked for 3 hours! I love good conversation like that. I didn't drink...I had an unsweetened iced-tea. My sinuses and ears are plugged so I thought it best to avoid alcohol. Now at least I can take some yummy NyQuil. It was nice to just chill out with the girls and not deal with the typical bar scene. It was the good kind of conversation where you become oblivious to the people and stuff going on around you.

I'm supposed to go to the mall and Border's with Allison and Kristen tomorrow, and I still might, but I don't want to make any big plans. I kind of want to do my own thing. Clean. Write. Read. Maybe cook something special for the kids for supper.

I was so exhausted today. I didn't sleep well last night because of this cold/flu/sinus thingy and you would think I'd be able to fall right to sleep right now, but I can't.

Because I was so thoroughly engrossed in our conversation tonight, I didn't pay attention to many of the people, so I really have no shallow commentary on the fellow patrons. There was one annoying guy (?...maybe, I couldn't see him, but he was annoying, so I am assuming it was a guy) who kept like making weird loud, moaning/groaning noises whenever the music would skip and it seemed to do that alot tonight.

Last night, my son gave me the greatest compliment of my life. We were discussing how difficult life would be if, when we talked, we had to spell every word out. So then we traded a few sentences, spelled out verbally, and his sentence to me was "I love how you think."

All Ready

Just waiting for Sarah to show up. We're going to eat at The Chocolate Grille and then I think we'll check out the scene in the big city. This weather is really screwing with my sinuses and I desperately need some cold medication right now, but I don't want to take any if I may be drinking tonight.

I talked with my friend Charlie on the phone last night. It was SO good talking to him!

So anyway, I will fill everyone in on my night out when I get home!

Remember kids, don't do anything I wouldn't do!

Glam Shot

Glam Shot
Originally uploaded by jennluvsgable.

Not really too glamorous, but I was bored!

Dancing with the Stars

My show is on tonight! Who would have thought I'd like network tv again? I am also in love with Grey's Anatomy. I also like that show Freddie...but that is because Brian Austin Green is HOT, HOT, HOT!

So plans are set with Sarah and Stacey. Sarah agrees there is something in the air. Couples are fighting all around. I went to bed last night and woke up this morning and took a good hour-long drive and finally have a sense of peace about it all. I am still in love with Brian. I have just been angry. I really think these few weeks apart are going to be a blessing to us. If Brian is the one then this will all work out. If he's not, then I will move on. There have been a lot of times when I've felt like I have to wait for Brian to catch up, but he's always caught up. I have to remind myself that I've been doing this single thing a lot longer than he has.

And I'm not going to see Larry on Monday. I have really outgrown that relationship. I'll get to the game and cheer his team on because he is a dear friend, but no socializing after. I was only going to because I've been ticked off at Brian.

I just finished the book "The Mystery of God's Will" yesterday. I read it in two days. What a good book. I might have to read it again. I love books that I can find comfort in.

I am so jealous of my friends on the west coast! They are enjoying BEAUTIFUL weather! Although, here it was almost 50 yesterday and today will be in the high 40's, too. Tomorrow, almost 50, but rainy. Spring is in the air, though. I was sitting outside at work about 4 PM yesterday and I could smell the grass/ground...it has a certain smell to me when it is thawing that I associate with spring. Plus, I have this weird bird that annoys me all spring/summer/early fall long and HEEEEE'S BAA-AAAACK!

I found out this morning that the dad of one of my best friends in high school died on Tuesday. He was only 61. April and I got in a lot of trouble together and Shady (her dad) always bailed us out. My daughter Hayley is friends with April's daughter Amanda and Zach is best friends with April's son Devon. Shady was a good guy and a great grampy and I am sure he will be greatly missed by his family.

Also, Chip and his wife Chris welcomed a new baby girl on Sunday the 12th. Ada Goosmen Curry...Welcome to the world!!!
(I didn't name her!)

Okay, so I've written a lot in the last few days. Y'all need to catch up!

Current Mood: happy
Current Music: Dreams........Fleetwood Mac

Boom Shaka- Laka

Okay, in my last post, read the comment...I checked out this Steeler guy and I think he is like 12. BUT he thinks I'm hot! :)

I checked out his two links...one is a blog he shares with his mom and one is a gossip blog about 5th graders in Rockingham County.

But he thinks I am hot!

Headache!!!

Good morning, Iona! :)

Okay, I am going out with Sarah and Stacey Friday night. It will be good to get out. Sarah is in the beginning stages of her separation. Stacey and her Brian are getting married soon. My Brian is a giant *&^%$$#@!^!!!

Why am I still seeing Saddam Hussein on tv? Kill him already. He's guilty and I am tired of looking at his ugly face.

We're having tacos tonight. Yummy!

My head hurts SOOOOOOOOO bad!!! I was crying this morning, plus I still have my sinus infection, and I haven't eaten yet today. I just took some medicine so I should start to feel better soon.

Now, I am going to eat supper and then read a little. I am going to sleep well tonight!

AND...

...I forgot to mention my hair dryer broke this morning. Like 2 seconds into blow drying my hair, kapooey...so I had to go to this dang meeting with a wet head. Thankfully I have long hair, so I could just pile it up on top of my head. I bought a new one, one with a cord keeper and it folds up nice and small. It would be good to take with me on bike trips, but the way things are going with Brian right now, there probably won't be any more bike trips.

I'm really handling this better than I thought I would. I think it is just because this isn't the first time I have gone through something like this with Brian. Quite frankly, I think I deserve better than this. He would not treat any one of his friends like he's been treating me. That, my friends, is what hurts the most. I really thought he meant it this time. I really thought he loved me. Maybe he does, but I can't imagine a lifetime of love like this. I'm okay though. I think. I have to be. One thing I know for sure, I definitely loved him (and do). I loved him the best way I knew how and that appears like it just isn't enough. We haven't officially broken up, but I honestly don't know how this can be fixed. I guess this is one more thing I'll place in God's hands.

When the kids and I get home later, we are going to CLEAN. We really kind of lazed around all weekend, other than visiting with my family. I will feel better once the house is in order.

Zach won a contest at his school for writing a story. Well, he is one of 5 finalists. After I had read it (before he passed it in), I told him that it was good, but not one of his better ones (I witnessed his speed writing thru it). I believe, when i proof-read it I said something like, "Your sentences are like vanilla ice-cream. I know you are capable of banana splits." Well, here is proof that this English teacher doesn't know shit. "Apparently something can be said for simplicity," I believe that is how my son put it, after telling me the "most awesomest news EVER!". Very true, grasshopper, very true. I am very proud of him. He is so proud of himself. Now, he can become rich and famous and take care of his lazy, bitchy, no good mother!

Okay, now I have to go get my children. They are the bright spot of my life.

This Can't Be Wednesday!

It feels like a MONDAY!
Brian got his present. I didn't get a thank-you or a call on Valentine's Day. I did get a thank-you today only after I asked if he received it.

I had that child support hearing today. My ex had to appeal the last one and is making this hard. He showed up today with his lawyer. She tried telling me that I am not as gainfully employed as I could be and came with a list of job opportunities for me. However, I one-upped them on that one, because of the teaching positions she brought, not ONE was a high school English teaching job. They were math and science, social studies and she assumed I was certified k-12, not 7-12. Whatever. I was very upset earlier, but you know what? This is his doing. HE wanted to appeal the proposed order. All that is happening so far is now he's paying his lawyer $200/hour and will still have to pay more than what he is currently paying in support. Granted, I won't be getting the $415/ week that the proposed order had initially stated, but it'll be more than what I am getting now. I thought we had settled on an agreement between the amount I am getting now and the new proposed amount. I thought we had this settled a month and a half ago, but the jackass decided to appeal that.

I need to go tanning and to relax. This is in God's hands. I did have his lawyer's voice get all jittery after I blasted her about the teaching positions. My future earning potential is irrelevant to what it CURRENTLY is. Until I reach that potential, he can kiss my ass.

I Hate Mondays!

I feel like crap!!! Still have the sinus headache.

We got about 3 inches of snow. It drifted a lot, so in some places we have none and in some we have like 6 inches. Of course, the snow Gods drifted close to a foot just around my back tires this morning.

I talked with Larry for awhile today. He's coming down next Monday to go to some basketball games. Larry is the guy I had a 7-year affair with. We're still friends and when he comes to town, we usually have dinner and catch up. It'll be nice to visit with him.

So tomorrow is Valentine's Day. I never got a thank you from Brian today, so I don't know what to think. The day isn't over yet, but tomorrow is looking like it will be a shitty holiday. I will be going to work in the morning to share my good mood with all! :)

My mailman never came today. He must have heard about the snow in NYC.

I wish I was feeling clever and could think of something humorous to write about.

I'm waiting for my tea to cool down...DAMN, I am impatient today!!! I want it and I want it now! I said that in Veruca Salt's whiney voice...now I am waiting for the Oompa Loompas.

Grey's Anatomy KICKED ASS last night! I couldn't believe the bomb actually detonated. Dr. Shepard is an ass, though. I have one like him at home...or should I say, I have one who is at his own home and that is where he'll be staying if he doesn't have the stick up his ass surgically removed!

I am in such a bad mood right now! Can things get any worse? Oh yes, yes they can and I learned long ago never to tempt the "things certainly get worse" gods.

Okay, something is majorly wrong with the mouse on my laptop. I need to try to fix it.

Sunday Night

I think we may have an 1 1/2 of snow out there. Big whoop! It's too f***ing cold to snow!

The author of "Jaws" died today.

I finished the book "Push Not the River". A good book. A little predictable, but still a nice story.

Tonight is part two of Grey's Anatomy. I love that show!!!

Waiting...

So we're waiting for the snow that seems to have blanketed NYC with almost 2 feet of snow. Philly got 18 inches. Here in Maine, this part of it anyway, we've gotten NONE! It is 11:30 AM and it is just starting to spit some snow.

I'm still not feeling the greatest, but better than the last few days.

I think bears have the right idea. They sleep all thru winter. It's almost over. It's almost over. It's almost over.

Oops...I forgot!

Happy Birthday, Jim!

Saturday

I'm really not originial with titles.

So AJ and I have exchanged a couple of conversations. He's found 2 or 3 Jeeps near him that I might be interested in. He's keeping his eyes open for me.

I went shopping for Brian's Valentine's card. Do you know how hard it is to find a card that says, "I am really pissed off at you right now, and maybe I'll love you again tomorrow, but right now, I am just sending this card because Valentine's is on Tuesday and I'm sure I'll regret it someday if I don't send you one." Do you know how hard it is to look for a card expressing love, when you're not feeling very loving?

I had a great time with my sister last night! If someone would have told me that those words would come out of my mouth EVER, I would have laughed. But it is true. And we have plans for me to go to Connecticut to visit her and she and I'll take the train into the city and go see the musical "Wicked"...I told her that it is going to be in Boston on April, but she was like, "No, Boston is not Broadway. We'll see it on Broadway." I can't wait. My new niece is adorable. I took some pics, but I haven't posted them yet. I am going to visit with them today, too. They are headed back tomorrow.

ANYWAY.........I have to go get ready.

Painful

My headache is bad again like yesterday. There is a definite possiblility that this is a sinus infection. It feels like that kind of headache. The acute sinusitus kind. Right when I wake up, assuming I've slept good, I feel okay, with just a mild trace of the headache, but as the day progresses and by bedtime, it is really bad. Combined with stress and being ticked off at Brian, ayeayeaye.

I still have to go to the bank, pick up the kids, and then go to work. Amol will be there tonight, so things should go smooth. Tomorrow is Friday!!! I am looking forward to being able to relax this weekend again. I should be buying my new car next week or the week after.

Okay...I have lots of stuff to do.

February 9, 2006

I slept much better last night. Still haven't heard from AJ...which now means one of three things...he is definitely still pissed at me ( I still doubt it), he's in Florida (this is now looking more likely), OR his girlfriend is an extremely light sleeper now and he's banished from the computer while she is in the house (this scenerio doesn't sound like him, especially since he has a computer at work, too.) Oh well, it was worth a try. I drove the Jeep the whole time I was with him and I really like it, and since I am in the market for another one, and since he had two, I thought he might be willing to part with the one I like. They are hard to find around here (used) unless you buy brand new.

Wait! I just got an email alert from Yahoo! Maybe it is the elusive AJ and he is going to give me the Jeep at a greatly discounted price! :)

F***!!! He sold it last spring! To buy the sports car that he came to my house to show off last March or April...he still has the CJ7 he'll sell me, but that isn't the one I'm interested in. Crap, crap, crap! Oh well, it was worth a try. The one I had been looking at around here sold in less than a week. There is no way right now I can afford a brand-new jeep.

My sister is coming home tonight with baby Gracie! I have to work tonight until 8 and she'll just be getting in, so I will probably wait until tomorrow to see them. Which means, I'll have to go shopping tomorrow. My kids are besides themselves with excitement. They can't wait to see their new baby cousin. So hopefully I'll get some new video and pics of the new baby! My sister thinks she looks just like Kayla did when she was a baby. I hope so because it will be good to be reminded of how cute she was! It will have been 16 years in two weeks!

Current Mood: still have a lingering headache/bummed about the Jeep
Current Music: Cowboy..............Kid Rock

February 8, 2006 Part Two

My head is splitting. I have chills and I feel feverish. Plus I am having my period, so I am SUPER cranky.

I emailed AJ today and told him that I think he should sell me the Jeep. I still haven't heard back from him yet which means one of three things...either he's still mad at me and is ignoring my email (I doubt it)...he's in Florida visiting his parents (again, I doubt it, that will be next week during Feb. Vaca or April Vaca)...OR he let that girl move back in and can't email me until she goes to bed tonight (most likely)...knowing AJ, if it isn't the same girl, it is a NEW one. I was like girl number 11 on his list during the first year since his divorce. I know, I know, but remember I was vulnerable because Brian and I had just broken up the first time and AJ was my very first millionaire that I had ever dated. He's also the only millionaire I've ever dated. Heck, I should have just asked him to GIVE me the Jeep! :) Brian would never speak to me again if he found out I didn't buy it! He acts like he isn't jealous about AJ, but he brings his name up at least once whenever we're together...he'll say something like, "Speaking of ex-boyfriends, I hear yours did this or that" even though we hadn't been talking anything about ex-boyfriends.

I hope I sleep better tonight. I think I will make an effort to stay up and read as long as possible so when I sleep, it will hopefully be solid. First, I have to run to Rite-Aid though and buy some more Tylenol because I seem to be out. I could just take some Nyquil and be done with it, but with my luck, AJ will call instead of email and I'll end up with more than a Jeep!

It is Teen Week Jeopardy this week. I love Teen Week Jeopardy...it makes me feel smart!

Grandma called and wants to see me. Hayley took the message last night. Hayley says she has "clothes" for me (oh Lord, please help me) and wants me to visit. Well, I feel like crap tonight and the girls have been sick for two days and I don't think she needs this sickness, plus I don't need any clothes, not that I don't appreciate the thought. My grandmother is a very large woman with poor taste in clothing...think Moo-moos and Jabba the Hut couture. The last clothes she had for me came from a friend of hers who DIED! Gives me the heebie-jeebies. However, I will admit, if they were sweet clothes from someone with expensive designer tastes, I might be able to overlook the dead part, but knowing Grandma, this will not be the case.

STILL

I still have a headache/stiff neck. My stomach feels better, though. Keep your fingers crossed that I don't get sick!

Jesus Christ Superstar is Feb. 17th or 18th on campus...I really want to go. I saw the filmed musical when I was a kid and I love the soundtrack. Not as much as Grease, but close! :)

February 8, 2006

I have a huge headache today! I didn't sleep very well last night, so upon waking, I was quite headachey. Plus I was late getting my latte, so that might have something to do with it. I'm drinking my latte now but I think today might have to be a two-latte day. I haven't had one of those in a long time.

I was slow getting started this morning because it was supposed to be cold, and while it is chillier than it's been, it isn't that bad out. I think the weatherman doesn't have a clue what he's doing. Anyway, the weather still isn't as nice as my friends have it on the west coast right now!

My kids have February vacation a week from Friday. I think we're just going to chill out around the house. There's not much snow on the mountains to go skiing. We'll probably do some shopping, maybe in Portland if I get my new car by then. April vacation is the week that we'll probably go somewhere. I am still undecided about what we'll do. I thought we'd skip a family vacation this year and save some money for an extra special one next year...maybe Europe...but I don't think I can take it. I need frequent vacations so I have something to look forward to. Last April, we went to Virginia Beach, then I spent 10 days in Laconia and every weekend after that, Brian and I went on some kind of bike trip all over New England and upstate New York.

I would like to New York City again with the kids. We had fun when we were there last April. I feel so alive when I am in the New York/New Jersey area. I feel a similar way in Philly. If somebody would have told me years ago, that someday I'd be taking my kids on vacations, driving to big cities with them ALONE, I would have thought they were nuts. A few years ago, I couldn't even stand driving more than an hour's distance alone. I would always have to have someone with me...my brother or a friend...because I just thought I wouldn't know what to do if something happened.

Well, now my stomach is starting to hurt a little. I think I drank my latte too fast. I hope I'm not getting what the kids had.

February 7, 2006

A late Happy Birthday to my brother Darren. His birthday was yesterday.

Kayla is on the mend. Hayley got up a couple of times last night, sick, so they are both home with me today. Zach and I have made it thru so far. I am going to disinfect the bathroom today and hopefully Zach and I will miss out on all of the fun.

It is nice having the company, though, even though I am sorry the girls have to be sick.

My nieces are going to see Dora the Explorer Live tonight. They are 4 1/2 and 2. My brothers are taking them. I am sure they will love it. Lexi has had the Dora haircut for awhile now.

I can not wait until SPRING! I can't wait until the kids and I can get out of the house and hike or have a picnic. If we had any snow, we would be out skiing or snowshoeing. There is no snow, though, and there doesn't look like there is anymore in the forecast. We'll have some flurries here and there, but that is what we've been having. There has been no accumulation all winter in eastern Maine. I can't believe how many days hit the 50s in January. I'd like to give a shout-out to global warming! I'm sure you're all asking, well, if the weather has been so nice, why haven't you and the kids enjoyed the outdoors? Well, most of those days were extremely rainy. On the couple of sunny 50 degree days, they were directly following what little snow we'd had, which was melting fast into a wet and muddy mess!

I need some new hobbies, so I am taking suggestions. Or maybe I just need to rediscover the hobbies I already have. I haven't played racquetball in forever. I used to play almost everyday. Then again, I was working at the GYM. It was much easier to play or to work out when you're there everyday. The kids and I used to ride our bikes everywhere. There are 12 miles of paved bike trails behind my house. We'll definitely have to start that habit back up. I used to have a car with a roof-rack though, so that made riding easier. We'd take the bikes to Bar Harbor or wherever we ended up. The kids and I have been slacking off going to church on Sundays, too. I have no excuse other than I've just been lazy.

I heard somewhere that a good majority of people get married because they are afraid of dying alone. I started thinking about that and then it hit me...even if you ARE married, you have a 50% chance of dying alone. One of you is going to go first! Morbid, I know, but I find it comforting when I feel like I am running out of time...not being alive time, but being young and attractive time.

I swear I woke up this morning and Kodi was asleep on the end of my bed. I scratched her head and gave her a kiss and laid down and fell back to sleep. She was such a big part of our family. This was the only home she ever knew and we were the only family she ever had. It's kind of like we don't want her to go and she doesn't want to go. Now it all just sounds crazy, but I know what I know...she was on my bed.

Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: If You Ever Did Believe...........Stevie Nicks

Something in the Air, Maybe?

What a day! I could just sit here and bitch and whine about life. About Brian's selfish tendencies when he is in one of his depressed down cycles. About my sick kids. Etc. Etc. Etc. I won't though, because my friend Sarah is having trouble with her husband. Brian has his problems. Couples I know from all over are fighting and arguing.

Claire gave me some good advice about Brian today. I love him. I am committed to him. BUT I tend to get wrapped up in his problems and his pain (his knee) and I can be too accommodating to HIS emotional needs. Claire said, "A frog will immediately jump out of boiling water. Keep a frog in tepid water, heating it up gradually, you can slowly cook it to death." I got the message.

Kayla has spent the day puking. This bug will go through the house for sure. I'm so looking forward to it.

Oh well, to all of the fueding couples out there tonight and mothers of puking kids, You are not alone!

8:50 PM

I had fun playing with the girls tonight. We got to David and Karen's at 5. They came home right after the half-time show. I'm glad because I have to work early tomorrow and it is a school night for Zach.

This Super Bowl was rather boring tonight. Even the half-time show, though good, wasn't terribly exciting.

Bailey drew me a nice picture so I can take it to work and think about her! That is what she wants me to do with it! :) I have a million Bailey pictures! All night she was like, "Jennifer, do you remember when we used to do this? Do you remember when we did that?" It has only been 5 months since I was her teacher.

Now I am going to wait for Grey's Anatomy to come on. I'll read a little and hopefully not fall asleep before then. Last night, Zach and I watched Sixteen Candles for the gazillionth time.

Change of Plans

So now Zach and I are going to watch the game at David and Karen's. They've been invited to some private thing at the Sea Dog and need me to watch the girls. I'm not going to pass up 60 bucks doing something I was going to be doing anyway.

Right now we're watching the Knicks game. We are presently 3 points behind going into the 4th quarter. I used to live and breathe NBA. Now I'm lucky if I watch two games a year.

I can not believe it isn't even 2 PM yet! I'm not complaining, the day just seems to be moving slow. I wish it was like this all of the time. Except for when I am working!

Now I am going to do some laundry and check on my roastbeef.

February 5, 2006

Making delicious Roastbeef Au Jus for supper tonight. I started it now so the house will smell yummy all day. It has been an extremely busy morning. The girls babysat last night and I picked them up this morning. We went to Walmart, Ampersand's and Hannaford. Finally home. We cleaned the house up real quick and now we're relaxing before Zach's big game! :) The girls and I could really care less about the SuperBowl. Zach is beside himself with excitement. He's all set with snacks and his 'near-beer'. Beck's German non-alcoholic beverage. I bought it with some trepidation, but then I figured it isn't all that different from getting the kids sparkling cider, which they love.

Last night, Zach and I enjoyed supper at the Olive Garden. I don't think he and I have ever just eaten out together without the girls, except for fast food. The girls and I have, but it isn't usually just Zach and I and when it is, we eat at Wendy's or the BK Lounge.

Now, I have some candles burning, dinner cooking and I'm going to read for awhile and listen to some music.

Current Mood: quiet
Current Music: Clapton Chronicles

Almost Friday

This has been a long week. I need a vacation. Just for fun, I looked thru the stuff that was sent to me from Disney World, which was where the kids and I were going to go this April, before I decided to just stay closer to home this year. The last two years in a row, we've had busy vacations, spent some money and have memories to last a lifetime. I just felt like taking a break from the planning, and with three kids, there is A LOT of planning. Plus, we had the dog to worry about. Usually my friend Allison stays at the house with her, but she's been sick and the dog had been sick and she babysits out of her home now. But I digress. Anyway, they, the powers that be at Disney World, make it hard to say no to a vacation with them. We can stay at the Disney Resorts, shuttle in to any of their parks, have an unlimited 3-day pass to all of the parks (mind you, we only have 5 days. Two-day weekends bookend the 5 days, but will be spent driving) all for $1599. That is for the 4 of us. I usually have about $4000 set aside for our vacation every year. For some reason, I thought Disney was going to be more expensive. Soooooo now I am rethinking my plan. OR, we could drive to Virginia Beach again, stay with friends like last year, save money on hotel, and then drive to Florida for a day in Orlando. That would be one day driving down, one day in Orlando, and one day driving back to Virginia. OR we could drive to Virginia, then drive to Georgia, to visit my ex-sister-in-law, then drive to Orlando. OR we could just hang out in New Jersey/Philadelphia with my aunt, uncle and cousins, like I had figured we'd do this vacation.

See, now I am tired of the planning process. But I just can't shake this feeling that I want to be anywhere but here right now. There is a Polish proverb that I think of when I am feeling like this: Wherever you go, you can never leave yourself behind.

I don't know why, but I think it is harder to lose or leave yourself behind in the winter. What I need is a nice day on the beach, eating Lisa's Pizza with the kids under the pier at Old Orchard, followed by a night at the amusement park there. When we move to Portland, we'll be able to go to Old Orchard whenever we want.

One positive note...6 weeks left of winter! Officially, that is. Most people would have to agree that this has been a pretty mild winter by Maine standards. School has not been canceled once for a snow day. There were several days of 50-degree weather in January. Maybe, just maybe, we'll have an early spring and an early summer!

Do any of you ever wake up sometimes and say to yourself, "This is not my life."


Current Mood: okay
Current Music: Sand in the Vaseline......Talking Heads

Musings

I'm feeling a little better than I've been. The kids and I are adjusting. We've gotten considerably closer, if that was even possible. I've noticed for awhile that we've all been so busy doing our own thing that we've been going in separate directions. If anything good can come from all of this, it is that we seem to be moving as a unit again.

I've been worried about Kayla's new boyfriend. I like him a lot, but I just wasn't ready for Kayla to begin the long road of heartbreaks and what have you. I thought I knew her, in that I thought of her as emotionally naive and vulnerable, and I didn't think she would be prepared for that long road yet. Well, she surprised me last night. Derek was sitting next to her and he moved closer to her and she was like, "Will you push over a little? You're crowding me." I had to laugh. So much for my faulty thinking about her getting pressured into a relationship and maybe getting taken advantage of. It's only been 3 weeks for them and she's already feeling "Crowded". Like I said, the kids and I seem to be even closer and that invisible wedge I felt that had come between Kayla and I since Derek's arrival, was gone even before last night, but after Kayla made her comment, I felt much more at peace with the situation. It warmed my heart to know that our immediate family unit and our together time is as important to them as it is me. Her self-esteem is in an even better place than I thought. I told her last night that I was very, very proud of the adult she is turning into. She is very mature, in a good way, for her almost 16 years. Very responsible. There is a very good chance I was projecting my own former 16 year old self onto her. I am just blown away by this beautiful, smart, independent, compassionate and good-humored being that I helped create. Now, if she was just a better driver! :)

Hayley, on the other hand, is the glue that will keep me and the drink together forever. She is beautiful, extremely independent, opinionated, very self-assured, loud, abrasive, sneaky, compassionate, moody (to the degree that she experiences ALL moods to their fullest), dramatic, a little on the mouthy side, can swear like a sailor, and seems to have an afinity for older boys. She has the attitude that it is beneath her to have to admit she has parents. It never occured to me until writing this that it is rather like looking into a mirror. God help me. God help us all.

I think this can be said about kids...girls ages 0-14 are a breeze. 14 and older, you will be driven to bad habits. You spend the next few years as a living, breathing propylactic. Boys ages 0-14, they just don't stop moving. It is all holy Hell coping with their high energy and curiosity. And you will be driven to bad habits. Once the boys reach high school, their peers and especially girls, have a lot of effect on reigning in their 'geekdom' so they kind of conform to fit into society, at least they will if they ever want a girlfriend. So having two girls and one boy, there really isn't much hope for me. I have 6 1/2 more years of this and I am loving every minute of it. With the help of Uncle Jack...as in Daniels...


Things to Do Today

Laundry
Straighten Living room
Go Tanning
Pick up kids
Go to work
Buy Toothpaste (a good sign that your kids may be swapping spit with another individual...you find you should be buying stock in a toothpaste/mouthwash company)


Current Mood: better
Current Music: The Joker.............The Steve Miller Band